


Leap of Faith

by cadkitten



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Autofellatio, Awkward Boners, Bed Humping, Caught, Come Swallowing, Coming In Pants, Confessions, Coping, Coping mechanism, Cuddling & Snuggling, Denial, Desperation Play, Dirty Talk, Displacement Mechanism, Explicit Consent, First Time, Frottage, Hacking, Hand Jobs, Hiding, Ice, Light Dom/sub, Lingerie, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, Metadata, Multiple Orgasms, Mutual Masturbation, Napping, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Porn, Porn Watching, Premature Ejaculation, Rough Sex, Self-Harm, Sexual Fantasy, Sexuality, Social engineering, Strip Tease, Temperature Play, Urination, Verbal Humiliation, Wet Dream, anxiousness, men's lingerie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-09 02:01:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 65,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10401252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: Damian has one particular coping mechanism: displacement. When he encounters something he cannot come to terms with, he finds his way around it in the only way he can imagine: by watching porn.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday Dick Grayson!  
> For my writing challenge #11 Sparring.  
> Beta Readers: kate1zena  
> Song[s]: "Wicked Games" by Parra for Cuva ft. Anna Naklab

_“It is what it is. Isn't that how these things always go? They are what they are. We just get to cope.”  
― Mira Grant, Feed_

Damian dropped down onto the simple wooden swivel chair in his bedroom, tucking one leg under himself. Casting a quick glance over his shoulder, he ensured the door was firmly locked before he lifted the lid on his laptop and rapidly tapped in his password. The screen lit up and Damian made quick work of opening his VPN service from his hidden desktop icons and then his secure browser window. 

Settling a bit more comfortably, he brought up his usual forum - something he'd found almost a year ago - and logged in. Anticipation was already swimming inside of him, his pants feeling a bit tight at the very prospect of what he was about to do. 

Clicking open a few tabs, he brought up the main video gallery, the forum boards, and his private messages window. His messages flashed, a little number _2_ blinking at him in a muted blue. Opening the messages, he found both were from someone he'd gotten to know fairly well on the forums over his time frequenting them. _Leapoffaith_ was one of the few people Damian had connected with and the only one he really cared to see what private messages they sent him. 

While most of the populous of the forums were out for him to send them nude pics or to try to meet up with him - something he found to be a horrible idea and honestly wondered how they rationalized asking on a _porn_ site - leapoffaith had never been like that with him. They'd started off with friendly banter in several of the threads Damian had chosen to comment on. It had been almost a month before he'd found the single video they had posted up on the forum: a video that could have been almost art instead of pornography, the muted sepia tones of it showing only the barest hints of their bare form in the shadowy light. A single black glove roaming up their body, grasping at their own throat, shoving them back against the wall - _holding, pressing_ \- and then releasing to travel down to their cock. Quick, frantic strokes until release and then that gloved hand pushed back up to their throat - the lights toned to show only their shoulders and neck, their spent cock dripping onto the floor below, and the billowing white curtain beside them. 

Damian had watched the video with a rapt fascination he hadn't given any other video in his entire time searching the internet for things to satisfy his needs. He'd watched it a dozen times, mesmerized by the way their hand could feel so detached when it was clearly their own. His single word comment below it was the only one that had been liked by leapoffaith. _Beautiful_.

The next day he'd received a single message in his inbox, which had simply said thank you for the kindness of his compliment. Things had fallen into place after that, an easy back and forth talking about everything inside their little porn-filled worlds. 

It hadn't been long after that moment that Damian had posted to one of the ongoing threads on the forum that there was a pitiful lack of certain understated kinks that weren't horribly over the top or disgustingly ramped up by the porn industry. His post had gone on to describe the difference between a genuine scene where someone truly enjoyed themselves and a scene where it was clear they were just there to earn the money and were fed up with a million takes of the same scene. 

Leapoffaith had replied the following day, asking him which things - specifically - he thought were lacking and Damian hadn't hesitated in responding. He'd spilled out a dozen or so of his own desires into the post and a few people had responded with links, most of them still too far over the top for Damian's personal pleasure, a few worth keeping in that they were the least overplayed he'd seen... and then had come the surprise. 

Three days and the little number on his inbox had started to blink at him, the message from leapoffaith only offering the words, _I hope you like it. I just feel that everyone should find what they want in a video and I'm always happy to help if you don't mind it._ The link had been posted in the paid members only site and when Damian clicked on it, it had informed him that his annual membership had been donated to him. 

The video itself was just as erotically gorgeous as the first one had been, straddling the line between art and pornography in a way that Damian found to be both mentally and physically engaging. This one was in color, closer than the other had been, showing only the lower half of their body. A filter had been applied that Damian caught on rather quickly was attempting to mute out the fact that their body was scarred and his mind immediately went to a realm of heartbreaking possibilities, though he pushed it to the side in favor of viewing what he'd been given in the light he had been provided it in. 

He watched as they pulled a single ice cube from a silver bucket, cradled it in their hand for a moment, and then slid it down over the expanse of one thigh, the beads of water rolling down their skin as they moved it over themselves in the slowest and most sensual of manners. He watched it draw up and out of the view of the camera and then watched where the drops of water rolled down over their lower abdomen from, knowing they were drawing it over their nipples. 

It had taken an achingly long time before a second ice cube had come into it, before they had gripped their cock with their icy cold hand and he'd listened to the chorus of their moans as they thrust frantically against their own hand in what amounted to absolute bliss. By the time they'd cum, Damian had been gripping the arms of his chair so tightly he hadn't figured out how to let go for a full minute afterward. 

Now, with the blinking numbers telling him he had more messages, _knowing_ they were from leapoffaith, he felt the same thrill, the rush of endorphins that told him he was going to cum so hard he'd have a difficult time muffling it. Licking his lips, he clicked on the message and pulled it up. 

The first was a link, the second was a simple, _I do so love doing these videos for you. Enjoy!_

Damian didn't bother to bite back the whimper that bubbled up as he clicked the link, a second tab opening to show him the paid members area and then the video starting to buffer. 

It finally clicked on and Damian shifted, unfastening his pants as he leaned forward, one hand slipping into his briefs to cup his slowly stiffening length, just feeling it harden against his fingertips. 

Leapoffaith was settled against the wall, halfway within the flickering shadows that Damian could only assume came from either multiple candles or some external source, perhaps one of the multitudes of absurd light-up billboards that littered cities these days. Their torso was covered in a beautiful black, silver, and blue brocade corset. The barest hints of their cock showed through the black lace panties - which had clearly been designed with a man in mind, the front allowing for the bulge of his half-aroused length in a way women's panties wouldn't have. There were no stockings - just as Damian had asked that there not be - and he could see the lightest smattering of hair along their inner thighs, the filter long-since abandoned. 

Slipping his briefs down, Damian palmed his cock, letting out a satisfied little sound as he glanced down at the time to see how long he had, seeing three minutes left. The most beautiful music started up, Spanish guitars and the delicacies of a woman's voice in a language Damian didn't understand offering a flow of words that sounded so incredibly sexual he was certain the music alone ramped him up even higher. 

Leapoffaith's gloved hands came down into the picture, the fingerless lace numbers running over his thighs, nails scratching back up, leaving raised red welts behind, the process repeating itself until his cock was straining the front of his panties in an almost obscene fashion. He cupped himself, forming his fingers along the shape of his cock and began to stroke, his hips slowly working against his hand, helping his movements along.

Damian gasped at the sheer perfection of it, pushing his cock back into his own underwear, pressing the fabric around himself as he began to stroke faster, watching the strain of muscles, the desperate cant of his hips, the way leapoffaith was clearly already so excited he could barely contain himself. Damian _knew_ the other man's tendencies, knew he was an exhibitionist at heart and that giving Damian what he wanted like this was equally as exciting as it was for Damian to get all of his desires fulfilled by someone who wanted nothing more than a kind comment and someone to watch him. He'd never once asked for a video in return, never begged to see Damian's cock or his face or anything else the way so many others had come into his inbox asking for. The true absurdity of it was that if there were a single person Damian would have shown his cock to, it would have been this guy. 

As it was, at times he offered commentary on how hard he'd cum or how quickly, though always in quick, short terms or veiled references in his comments on the video itself. 

Leapoffaith's hips arched and Damian watched as those muscles tightened, as the vein in his left arm strained from how quickly he was jerking along his lace-covered cock and then he was gasping and moaning and it was _beautiful_. His cum dripped through the fabric, pulsing down over his knuckles and dripping down onto the floor at his feet, his toes and the small puddle of cum he was leaving shown clearly in the flashing light across the cherry wood floor.

Damian selected a point on the video about twenty seconds before leapoffaith's orgasm and pushed his hand into his briefs, grasping himself and arching from the chair as he frantically jacked his cock, panting as he stared at the screen. Again and again he replayed the end of it until he huffed out a sound that wanted so badly to be a cry of his pleasure and he was cumming all over his fist, all over his briefs and he felt _good_ knowing he'd made such a mess of them. 

Just cradling his cock, he eased back down onto the chair, staring dazedly at the screen as the video ended and Damian shivered, tipping his head back and just enjoying the bliss provided by his orgasm. _The bliss provided by leapoffaith_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ou2GIsGcqr0

_"There is something powerful in the whispering of obscenities..."  
\- Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale_

Damian's back hit the mat harder than he'd expected. He felt the air rush right out of his lungs as he shoved himself into a roll, twisting around and pushing himself up into a run. Breath sucked back into his lungs as a strong arm grasped him right under the ribcage, yanking him back and then sending him stumbling forward. He fought the urge to reach out to catch himself, instead detaching a practice Birdarang from his belt and sending it ricocheting off one of the beams and back toward his sparring partner. 

He caught himself at the last possible second, grabbing the pole and using it to swing himself around, picking up on the forward momentum he'd already had to slingshot him around and land his feet squarely in Grayson's chest. Dick fell back into what turned into a graceful tumble, rolling out of it and coming right back up. The Birdarang came rushing toward him and Damian dropped to the floor, listening to it hit behind his head on the pole. 

Launching himself up from the floor, he rushed for Grayson, at the last second dropping down to slide right between his legs, coming back up behind him, an elbow to the small of his back forcing a rushing hiss of breath from Dick. His arm was grabbed, his pullback too slow and he was twisted around until Grayson had him pinned between his legs, his arm wrenched back hard enough he should have been begging for mercy. The other hand rested on his shoulder, pushing with light pressure right where if he exerted more force it would pop the joint and likely sprain a few muscles at the same time. 

Damian dropped his head, gasping for air now that they were settled. The longer he remained where he was, the longer he tried to find a way to extract himself, the more distracted his mind became with all of the things it _shouldn't have_. He was far too aware of Grayson's thighs holding him pinned, too aware of how close his forearm was to _certain_ areas of Grayson's anatomy, of how short he was on his knees like this and just where his mouth would be if he so much as turned his head. 

Fire lit in his belly and he snarled out the necessary words. "I give."

Dick let him go instantly, took in a breath, and Damian knew the _how to_ was coming — all the ways he could have gotten himself out of the situation — except he didn't want to hear it right then, couldn't with the rapidly horrifying situation occurring in his pants. Turning his back, he marched off toward the stairs, leaving Dick calling his name behind him, concern in his voice. He knew the explanation later would be more than he wanted to face, knew he'd have to make up something or end up looking like he still hadn't outgrown being a petulant little _brat_ as he'd overheard some of the family say over the years. 

The problem was... it hadn't been that for a very long time. Sure, when he'd first arrived, it had been anger and pain and him lashing out because he didn't know what else to do with his new environment or the ever-changing rules. But, that had died off within a few years, had left him understanding and knowing the place he wanted to be in this world. Everything that had been labeled as yet another _fit_ since then had been some horrible variation on what was happening right then.

Damian hit the top of the stairs and took off through the house, escaping to his own room, closing the door behind him and quietly clicking the lock into place. For a moment he simply stood there, head bowed as he allowed himself the moment of agonized anger about how little control he seemed to have over his own body, even after all this time. 

Pushing away from the door, he moved to his chair, settled on it and popped the lid open on his laptop. After verifying his headphones were in the audio plug - though he didn't put them on - he opened the encrypted tunnel and signed into his private browser. A myriad of links re-opened from his last session and he chose the one he'd cum to before, shifting until he could get his pants unfastened, his jock out of the way, and his cock in hand. 

His free hand went to his mouse, carefully clicking around in the video, finding all the best parts as he moved his hand over his length, desperately trying to be quick about this. His cock gave an insistent throb and he rocked his hips, hooking his feet around behind the wheels of the chair and using it for a bit more leverage as he moved against his own hand. The video ended and he huffed out an annoyed breath, opening another tab and clicking a link, watching the video load and then starting to click around in the video again, knowing which parts drove him crazy and which parts just bored him to death. 

Damian found the part where the man on screen started jacking off frantically at a urinal in a clearly busy mall, Damian watched him, mimicking the quick strokes along his shaft on his own cock until he was panting, the greedy necessity to cum filling his entire world. The man started to spurt into the urinal and Damian bit back a whine, tilting his head back instead, rocking against his hand as he dug his teeth into his lower lip. He was _close_ , but not nearly close enough to follow the guy over the edge. 

With a little grunt of frustration, he looked back at the screen and pulled up yet another video. Two men were fucking on a bed, one of them holding the other down with a strong hand between his shoulder blades and Damian's blood ramped up to boiling at just that image. He watched, trying to force his mind to focus on only what he was watching, not the images it wanted to dredge up to go with it. His hand moved quick over his cock, his touch feather-light for the moment, slowly tightening as he did his best to gauge how long it would be before one of them came. 

The one being fucked opened his mouth and Damian _knew_ that moan, even if he couldn't hear it right then, let the memory of it echo in his mind. His hips jerked and his eyelids fell closed of their own accord.

_And then there was Dick, right behind him, holding him down with so much more power than he looked capable of exerting. His hand between his shoulder blades, the other around Damian's cock. His length plunging into him again and again and Damian crying out for him, sobbing for him to take him harder, faster, **please**!_

Damian's hips bucked forward, his cockhead lightly bumping the edge of the desk, and he was choking on his own cries as he started to cum. His hips jerked as he emptied his load all over his bedroom carpet, his free hand curled into a fist on the table. 

Dropping his head down on the desk, he remained hunched over and stared down at what he'd just done to the floor. Ghostly images of Grayson fucking him floated in his mind's eye and he felt the all-too-familiar waves of guilt associated with such a thing.

He'd lost control _again_ , allowed himself to think of Grayson in a way he knew he shouldn't be. It wasn't just _him_ , though it was more often than not. He'd lost a similar battle with Tim one of the first times they'd gotten along long enough for them to spar and he'd woken up from some pretty intense dreams about both his friend Colin and Jason, his cock so hard he couldn't stop himself from getting off on it. But it never left him feeling okay with himself. Instead, he almost always ended up like this: waves of guilt crashing into him so hard his chest hurt, so violently he felt sick to his stomach, and he knew how he was going to react. The very same way he always did... the only way he _could_.

With a sigh, he pushed himself up, straightened his workout suit and grabbed a handful of tissues, mopping up the mess he'd made on the carpet and tossing the evidence in the waste bin. He exited his browser and the VPN session, locking his computer and putting it back to sleep before trudging off to the bathroom, carefully washing up and ensuring he hadn't left any evidence at all. 

Leaning on the counter, he stared at his reflection in the mirror, saw the guilt in his own eyes, knew that it was only _him_ that would know why it shone there. There would be questions he didn't want to answer, responses he didn't want to give because they were so blatantly lies, and there would be shame every single time he looked at Grayson for _weeks_. 

He told himself it was inevitable, that it would have happened again eventually anyway and at least it was here, in the safety of his home and not while on patrol, and he steeled himself, squared his shoulders, and turned to face the rest of his day. To face the rest of whatever hellstorm he'd created.


	3. Chapter 3

It was only a few days before Damian found himself in a situation he wasn't quite sure how to talk himself out of. He'd explained away his rushing off as _stomach issues_ and no one had questioned it. Since then it had been the art of ensuring he was always busy, that he wasn't nearby whenever Grayson showed up at the manor or the cave. If he so much as heard his father mention that Dick was coming around, he'd find a reason to be incredibly busy. 

More often than not, he had a case he couldn't sacrifice - and he'd work on something he was supposed to anyway just so that it wasn't a lie. If there was one thing he hated doing, it was lying to Grayson. He'd seen the look in his eyes before when he knew Damian was full of shit and he'd seen the hurt beneath the layer of mock bravado. He disliked being the cause of such a thing and he did everything his power to make sure he wasn't the one who caused it after that.

But this... this was more difficult than most things to get out of. It was their monthly video game night and every other time Damian had found issue with something he'd done, it had been far enough away from it that he'd managed to school himself back into some semblance of a world where it was okay that he go to Grayson's house for the evening, even if he remained stoved up on the other end of the couch during it. 

The problem was, this time was still too close for comfort. He'd woken from a dream in enough time to catch himself, the same images he'd gotten off to haunting his mind's eye, and while he'd had the strength not to think about Grayson as he got himself off in the darkness of his room, he still hadn't felt great about how he'd come to be so aroused in the midst of the night. 

So now he had a choice to make: go and absolutely torture himself, not keep his promise to keep his distance from Grayson until he could look at him like a normal human being again or make up a _lie_ and distance himself from him for the time being.

Staring down at his phone, he counted the minutes, waiting on Grayson's inevitable text telling him he was on his way to pick him up. He didn't _have_ to do that, Damian could drive, had been able to for a few years legally and far longer than that as Robin. But it didn't change the fact that when he could stand being that close to Dick, it was pleasant. They could ramble on about video games or the newest book one of them had picked up, could just exist on a level that Damian only had with Grayson. 

His phone lit up and Damian thumbed it open, giving the three simple words - _on my way_ \- the most forlorn look. Ghosting his fingers over the edge of the phone, he sighed and then quickly tapped out his message and sent it before he could change his mind.

_Busy tonight, I apologize. I will be unable to attend._

He hit send and waited, watching the little dots appear telling him Grayson was typing back a reply and he honestly didn't even want to see it. Didn't want to see the inevitable offer to _help_ , the desperate words of how even if it was boring he'd still just come and hang out and stay out of the way. In so many ways this was Dick's only relaxation just as much as it was Damian's, and he could feel his heart crushing just the slightest bit more over taking that away from him over his own inadequacies. 

_Anything I can help with? You know I don't mind if it's a case or something!_

Tilting his head back, Damian squeezed his eyes closed for a moment, holding back the onslaught of emotion that threatened to come out.

_I must do this on my own. It is a class._

Wincing, Damian pushed himself off his bed and moved to his computer, ditching his phone on the desk and pulling up his browser window. After a moment of hesitation, he brought up the university he was enrolled in and did a quick search of courses that he could start part way through a semester. There was only one online course available that he could start at any point in the semester and he blanched at the title, having no interest at all in it: A Study of Modern Architecture.

He cringed as he pushed the button to register for it, pulling up his university email and watching, waiting on the course information to pop up in his inbox, knowing he now had most of a semester's worth of coursework to catch up on and _very little time_ with which to do it. 

His phone lit up again and Damian reluctantly plucked it up off the desk, scowling at the message.

_Oh. I didn't know you were taking one this semester, thought you took it off?_

His inbox number changed and he opened the email, clicking through and accepting the coursework, the verification he'd registered, and then following the instructions to sign into the course website. 

Once inside, he unlocked his phone and returned a quick message. _Decided not to. Put off assignments too long._ Sending it, he tossed his phone toward his bed and turned back to the screen, curling himself up in his chair and opening the first document, sighing as he settled in to read what he'd given himself to do.

Some forms of torture were far less exciting than others.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Way Down We Go" by Kaleo / "We Can Hurt Together" by Sia

Damian sat back in his chair, stretching and wincing as his back popped. It'd only been three days but he'd managed to shuffle his way through patrol, day-to-day Wayne activities, and the vast majority of his classwork. He'd just completed a term paper on urbanism as it reflected in ancient Alexandria as compared to ancient Rome and Timgad. He'd actually dug up a few texts in their original languages to read, pulling apart a few theories of modern-day textbook drivel as he translated important sections of each script into the closest approximation of English he could manage. 

Sure it was over the top, far more than had been required for the paper, but it was the only thing that kept him from feeling like his entire life was going to expire in between the lines of some of the dullest textbooks he'd ever set his eyes on - and he'd once had three textbooks for what he'd termed the black magic of the mathematical world and that had been some unique form of torture. Really, he'd sat and read one of those texts to a man they were attempting to garner information from for the League and not only had the man spilled his guts after seven straight hours, but he had _begged_ Damian to stop.

Huffing out an amused breath at the memory - the only torture he'd ever inflicted that he could find no way to hate himself for in his _new_ life - he stood and twisted his torso, feeling the muscles twinge after a binge of several hours, barely moving besides his hands over the keys of his computer's keyboard.

Taking in a deep breath, he could smell the delicious scents of Alfred's cooking wafting up from below. A quick glance at the clock told him dinner would be ready in fewer than twenty minutes and this was one of the few nights he couldn't escape, no matter how much he wanted to. Once a year they were all pulled into attendance _by Bruce_ for a family gathering, honoring them all instead of celebrating each birthday individually. Bruce had forgotten far too many over the years and once he'd figured out how badly it had hurt some of them, how deep those particular wounds cut, he'd set a date that none of them were to ever forget. 

Damian picked up the bag by his desk that contained the gifts he'd chosen for each family member and slung it over his shoulder, heading for the door. His bed creaked as Titus lumbered his way off of it and toward the door. He opened it and let the dog out first, following him out and closing the door securely behind himself. 

They made their way downstairs and Damian slipped into the family room - silent amongst the others who were all far too exuberant for his tastes - leaving his bag beside the others and then carefully removing himself from the room. He paused at the back door, pulled on his jacket and opened the canister of Titus' treats, getting one out and giving it to the dog before he opened the back door and slipped out into the cold, zipping up his jacket as Titus dashed out across the yard toward his favorite cluster of bushes to do his business in. 

Damian settled against the wall by the door, his arms over his chest and his head bowed to the wind, knowing Titus would come back when he was ready.

He barely heard the door opening over the sound of the wind, but glanced up when he saw the familiar pair of shoes appear inside his range of vision. Dick stood, wrapped in his own jacket, squinting across the yard toward where Titus was sniffing around his bush. It took a moment for Damian to force himself to say something, to do his best to pretend everything was okay, even though he was still very much on edge around Grayson. 

While he normally could have been over it in a short period of time, the last images had been far too vivid for that, the touch of his body being pinned by Grayson's thighs far too much for him to simply ignore the way he usually could given enough time. Rather, it was all still so raw and his reactions so visceral that he was having a hard time getting past it. 

"Hey."

Damian shivered, glad that the wind could excuse the reaction, his arms tightening around him as he waited on Dick to respond to him, waited to see what horrible things he'd brought upon himself by ignoring the one person in the world he _didn't want to_.

"Hey yourself." Dick eased against the wall next to him, so close to touching him that Damian had to fight himself not to jerk away from him. His teeth gritted slightly and he ducked his head to hide the reaction, tightened his arms around himself so the fact that his hands wanted to shake wouldn't escape him. "You've been a busy bee lately."

Damian grunted. "Class is boring." Admitting it was like glass in his throat, knowing he'd put himself in this position like grenades in his stomach.

"I didn't even realize you were taking one..." Something in Dick's voice sounded sad, as if he had been so sure he had known what was going on in Damian's life and felt bad that he hadn't. The assumptions as to what he was thinking burned inside of Damian's mind, left him eager to escape this conversation. 

Turning his attention to his dog, he watched him circle a few times and then raise his leg, not do a damn thing, and then keep sniffing. He sighed. Older dogs took longer to do their business and while he knew that and was usually infinitely patient with it, he was growing rapidly annoyed by it. Well aware it wasn't Titus' fault, Damian uncrossed his arms, jammed his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and sank down into a crouch, purposely looking away from Grayson.

He heard the shift and then Dick's hand was on his shoulder. "Tell me, what's really going on?"

Damian jerked away a second later, heat radiating from where Grayson had touched him through his entire body, unfurling something inside of him he hadn't been prepared to examine today. He _wanted_ that touch and he knew from so many other times it wasn't on any small sort of level. He wanted it because he'd gone so many years without touch, because he'd grown up in an environment where touch was punishment, was death, was _discipline_ instead of affection and love and desire. He wanted the touch because some of the best moments of his life had come from Dick's touch: a hug when he'd found out Dick was alive, an infinitely gentle embrace when he'd lost the battle with his own grieving tears, a proud arm around his shoulders when he'd done _well_ as Robin for the first time. There were so many moments where Grayson's touch had meant the world, where they'd made a moment a million times more profound than it could have been, where he'd found solace, an erasure for his pain, _happiness_. 

The problem was that the older he'd gotten, the more touch had meant to him. He'd begun to desire instead of want, had begun to lust instead of accept. With each touch - touches that had never, ever, meant what his mind warped them into - he'd lost more and more of his own control. His mind had done things, gone places he had no idea how it managed. A touch on the shoulder became something to pant about in the dark, a pin on the mat became frantic strokes of his hand under the scalding spray of the shower. _Every touch had become self-hatred._

Each time he gave in, he lost a little more faith in himself, in his ability to hide what he knew was the truth from Grayson. Somewhere along the way, he'd learned every emotion he'd been bred to never have and nearly all of them had spearheaded themselves right towards Dick, no matter how much he'd tried to sway them otherwise.

One hand on the ground, he slowly turned his gaze up towards Dick, towards the most stricken face he'd ever seen, and in that instant, he felt _shame_ in a whole new light. 

"I didn't... I-" Dick cut himself off and he watched the way he swallowed, watched the grief pass over his face, and he looked away because he couldn’t stand to see Dick like this any longer.

"You scared me. That is all." Another blow to his own ego, but watching the pain melt away from Grayson's features meant everything. Let him believe he was off his game, that the wind was too much, or that he'd been so lost in his own mind that it'd actually scared him. Whatever leaps Dick's mind made, Damian was certain it would be less horrid than the truth.

Damian watched the twitch of Dick's muscles, knew he was going to extend his hand to help him stand, and he jerked himself into an upright position quicker than he meant to, stumbled half a step and turned it into a few steps and calling out Titus' name, earning himself a loud bark and then his dog attempting to relieve himself again. 

Turning away, Damian stared down at the ground between himself and Dick, working his jaw for a moment before he offered a quiet, "There are personal things bothering me that I do not wish to speak about. I am sorry if they cause you any discomfort." The words felt like lead on his tongue and he felt the bitterness of them as he offered them up, vile and disgusting as they were. 

He heard Titus in the grass behind him and he stepped around Dick, opening the door and gesturing his dog in, holding it open to let Dick back in as well before closing it up and locking the door behind them.

They didn't speak as they moved into the main room once more, as Dick took his seat and Damian pointedly stood behind the couch instead of taking the last spot _right beside Dick_. There was no way he could take the feeling of his thigh pressed up against him, of his accidental touches, of his body leaning over him as he reached for presents. He waved Alfred to sit down and took over his job of passing out the gifts instead, silent as a ghost the entire time.

He didn't touch a single person, didn't allow fingertips to brush, didn't look any of them in the face, and he _knew_ it was just as obvious as he thought it was, knew they'd all talk, but he also knew it would take the pressure off of Dick thinking he was the only one. Better to have a dozen eyes on him, all of them thinking something was wrong than to have one set inspecting him for the truth of it all. He could avoid until the attention dissipated, until the dreams stopped, until the videos on his laptop were enough comfort again. _Until he could cope once more._


	5. Chapter 5

Bruce's arm came out to brace Damian, catching him and shoving him back towards the actual gravel of the rooftop. Damian winced at the power of it, stumbling back a few feet before rounding on their attackers, throwing himself back into the heat of the battle. He hated to admit that sometimes he still got himself into hot water. It wasn't exactly something he meant to do, wasn't anything he could control when it happened, and he tried to brush it off as being something that happened to the best of them given enough battles. 

The staff he'd started wielding after a particularly harrowing incident with his sword swung around, drifting between his fingers before he got a solid grip on it and brought it down hard across the back of one of the guy's shoulders. The guy went down hard and Damian gave him a solid crack to the back of the head, pulled back just enough he knew he'd not actually harm him permanently, just give him a light concussion.

His father had stopped disapproving long ago, had considered it a blessing that Damian didn't aim for something harsher than he did, even turned a blind eye at times when it _was_ something worse, just as long as he didn't head into Jason's territory of brutality. He caught another of the men under the jaw with his fist, slammed him down onto the rooftop a second later with his weight, his staff digging into his chest as he crouched, a quick glance telling him Bruce was tying up some loose ends with the four he'd been fighting.

Reaching down, Damian touched three pressure points, watched the guy pass out cold, and he pushed himself back up to his feet, twirling his staff and then tucking it back onto the plate on his back that held it in place. He duplicated the pressure points on the men his father was tying up, crouching next to the last one and nudging at the guy with one gloved hand, trying to decide what gang they belonged to that they'd managed to actually give them a run for their money.

"Black Mask?" He cast a thoughtful glance up at his father, seeing the brief nod before Bruce turned away, heading for the ledge and stepping off into the night.

Damian followed a moment later.

-

Three more hours of patrol found them back at the cave, tired as they always were, Damian dictating his notes for the evening to the voice-to-text function Tim had installed on the cave computers as he stripped off for his shower. He stepped into the alcove and let the water start pelting down on him full blast, careful to keep his voice pitched just right for it to keep recording him. 

Ten minutes saw him out of the showers and wrapped up in the warmth of his favorite cotton pants and t-shirt that he was certain Alfred had left on the bench for him, fresh from the dryer. 

He headed past where Bruce was still diligently tapping out his reports, shuffling up the stairs. He found Titus as the top of the second floor stairs, happily waiting on Damian. He let the dog into his room and closed the door, easily sliding onto his bed and scooping up his phone. With a yawn, he stretched out, thumbing it unlocked and scrolling through days of messages he'd neglected. He returned a few to Colin and Suren before he finally clicked on Dick's oh-so-silent thread. The last message was from a week ago, unanswered by Damian, and he felt his chest burn over that. 

Swallowing thickly, he tapped out a quick message. 

_Are we still on for next week?_

Sending it, he rolled over, tugging his pillow closer to him and burying his face in the softness of it, smothering a yawn into the fabric before he shoved himself up, already feeling like he was half-asleep. He plopped into his chair and opened his laptop, methodically opening the VPN session and his browser, signing into his favorite site. Biting his lip, he clicked on his message thread with _leapoffaith_ , seeing he was marked as online and smiling faintly.

He tapped out a quick, _Hey_ to him and settled his phone face-down on the desk, rolling in closer to the table and leaning sleepily on it as he waited to see if he'd get a reply.

It took a minute, but he finally heard the little bing telling him he had a message. 

_It's the middle of the night! What are you doing awake?_

Damian bit the inside of his cheek, sucked on the flesh for a moment, and then offered up his answer. _Can't sleep._

_Too horny? Ha!_

Releasing a little huff of breath, Damian bit back his grin. _Maybe._

_All this time and you're still not blunt with me. What're you lookin' for?_

Shifting in his chair, Damian reached down to palm himself while he thought about it. After a moment, he tapped out, _Nothing new. Just noticed you were on. Wanted to say hi._

 _Well... hi!_ A link followed the message and then another right after it. _Found this, thought the guy was pretty hot._

Damian clicked on it, wetting his lips as he made sure his volume was set low, and then pushed the front of his pants out of the way of his rapidly hardening cock. Wrapping his hand around himself, he watched as the man on screen settled back on the sofa, his arms spread across the back of it. He said nothing at all, though Damian could hear him breathing, could hear the shift of his body on the leather of the couch.

He watched as the man's pants slowly tented and then as he pushed the fabric out of the way and grabbed his dick, began to jerk off in such a languid way Damian wasn't sure he was actually trying to cum from it. 

A few minutes of him teasing and then - finally, blessedly - Damian understood why he'd gotten the video. A door opened and there was a rough gasp and then, "Oh god, I'm so sorry!"

The man on screen grabbed for his shirt, yanking it down over his cock, starting to fumble with his pants one-handed, looking almost terror-stricken. 

"Jerry, it's okay! I- I'm leaving! I'm so sorry! Oh my god... oh my _god_!"

Damian snorted in a little breath over how frantic the other person sounded and he wondered if it was, perhaps, genuine in some manner. 

There was a pause, the creak of the door, and then, "Holy shit... you were _filming it_?"

He watched Jerry put a hand over his face, his pants halfway back in place, his shirt hanging awkwardly down to cover most of what was clearly not going to fit back in his pants properly. "I... yes."

Another quiet, "Holy shit," and then an awkward shuffle of footsteps and then, "Can I _stay_?"

Jerry's head jerked up and Damian watched both panic and pleasure ghost over his features. Slipping forward on his seat, Damian spread his thighs and reached back down to start jerking off again. On the screen, Jerry appeared to have a similar idea, settling back and slowly lifting his shirt, opening his pants again and revealing his cock to whoever the second party was. He heard a quiet groan and the sound of another zipper. 

Heat rushed to Damian's groin and he began stroking rapidly in time with Jerry's quick, desperate jerks of his hand over his cock. Jerry panted and whimpered and Damian had to bite his own tongue to stop the sounds from spilling from his own lips. His hips bucked against his hand and he let his head tip back to enjoy himself as he listened to the quick strokes of two men enjoying themselves very much. 

His phone started buzzing and Damian's hips jerked, cum spurting over his fist as he lost control far easier than he'd meant to. With a whimper, he snatched up tissues and mopped them over his cock and hand, reaching for his phone with the other hand, flipping it over to see three messages from Grayson. 

_If you are still up for it, then of course. I got a new game._

_Pizza? The usual? Or tacos?_

_I bet you're asleep, it's cool. Just let me know in the morning? Night!_

Damian stared at the last one and carefully put his phone back down. He'd reply in the morning, let Grayson think he'd been sleeping rather than touching himself all he wanted. 

Shifting, he clicked out of the video and back into his chat with leapoffaith, replying with a quick, _Definitely got my rocks off. You always know._

He got a laughing face emoji in return and then, _Only because it gets mine off. I've had a rough night, hitting the hay. Stay cool._

 _Same._ Damian sat back, watched the icon that said leapoffaith was online go dark and then signed out himself, carefully shutting everything down and locking his computer, dragging himself over to his bed and flopping onto it, barely pulling his covers up over himself before passing out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The car: [Interior](https://www.autoblog.gr/wp-content/gallery/buick-avista-concept/2016-Buick-Avista-Concept-014.jpg), [Exterior 1](http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/2016-Buick-Avista-Concept-006.jpg), [Exterior 2](http://www.buick.com/content/dam/Buick/north_america/usa/nscwebsite/en/home/models/view_all_vehicles/reveals/Avista_Concept_Coupe/2016-buick-concept-avista-landing-page-image-07-938x528-016.jpg), [Exterior 3](http://img03.carclub.ru/files/gallery/buick_avista_concept_2016/orig/buick_avista_concept_2016_5.jpg)  
> Beta Readers: kate1zena  
> Song[s]: Album Drink the Sea Part 2 The Mixtape by The Glitch Mob - (This is my go-to for relax the fuck out as well as my play Overwatch soundtrack, give it a go, see what you think!)

Cool wind whipped through Damian's hair, tousling his once-pristine hairstyle. He crossed his arms and squinted behind his sunglasses, listening to the faint sounds of the gates to the manor opening. The sound of Dick's Buick Avista making its way up the driveway. It wasn't something most people would have glanced at twice, but Damian had driven it and he understood the raw power within what had once been only a concept car. Four hundred horsepower V6, rear wheel drive, the most beautiful coat of gleaming navy blue paint - it was something Damian would have expected both Nightwing and Dick Grayson to drive and that blend had impressed him. Subtle, yet screaming if you knew where to look. 

He stepped off the last stair as Dick pulled up. The driver's door opened, the car idling, and Dick stepped out. He darted around to the passenger side before Damian could so much as move forward another step. Giving Dick a pointed look, Damian hesitated until Dick gestured toward the driver's side. "I know you love driving her."

Dick disappeared into the passenger seat, the door closing behind him and Damian huffed out a little sound that could have been a laugh as he moved around the car, settled himself into the driver's seat. Pulling the door closed, he shifted the seat, counting the clicks until he was where he needed to be. A quick mirror adjustment and he pulled on his seat belt. Shifting the car into drive, he smoothly pulled around the roundabout, heading back down the driveway, watching as the gate rumbled open for the car to leave, recognizing their biosignatures as people allowed to use the gate.

They hit the back road into Wayne manor and Damian brought the car to life, letting it open up in a way that sent an excited flush through his body. Behind his sunglasses, he knew his pupils were blown, knew if he wasn't regulating it, his breath would have been panting in and out of his lungs. He still wasn't clear on why it excited him to open up a car's full potential like this; it was partly why his own car was a modest, conservative piece. He hadn't wanted to hold the responsibility of a car like this when it very nearly brought him sexual arousal. It had seemed foolish to allow such a thing in the car he had to be _presentable_ within. While Tim dealt with most of the business meetings and shit these days, Damian still made his appearances, put his foot down and he honestly hadn't felt like it was a good idea to get out of the car looking like he'd had a nice long _fuck_ before arriving.

But _this_? It was okay to feel that way about a car he didn't own, one he was so rarely allowed to drive. His foot slowly pressed down on the gas, fingers ghosting over the controls to ramp it up even higher. They took a corner at speeds that would have given most people heart attacks, but when he glanced at Dick, he looked comfortable, completely at home. He was nothing but calmness, a little satisfied smile on his lips as they ripped through the backroads between the manor and Gotham city limits. 

Damian let off right about the same time he got a subtle little beep from the car, telling him radar was nearby and they eased past a police car doing about three miles over the limit. He watched the police man inside raise his hand to wave, knew Dick was returning it with one of his own, and Damian almost wanted to laugh. He knew Grayson had gotten a ticket before, figured he'd sweet talked his way down from some absurd amount to something far more reasonable. It wouldn't have surprised him if he knew half the force between that and every Wayne gala from here to Sunday.

He took the rest of the drive carefully, keeping it a few above the speed limit, but under five, knowing no one would waste their time trying to pull them over for it. They hit Blüdhaven city limits and he knocked it down another few miles per hour, knowing the attention that was paid to the roads between the two places and knowing how lousy some of the cops there were. 

Ten minutes and he pulled into Grayson's spot in the parking garage, realizing they hadn't said a word to each other the entire drive, but that it was a comfortable sort of silence. He cut the engine, unbuckled, and opened the door. A cursory glance around the garage told him no one was going to bother them and he waited until Dick had pulled the large black bag from the back before he locked up the car, leading the way to the elevator.

Eight floors and a few doors later, Damian unlocked the apartment with Dick's keys, stepping inside and closing the door behind them, disarming the alarm and setting it to stay before he meandered after Dick. Holding the keys out on two fingers, he waited until Dick had settled the pizza down and popped open the lids. Their fingers brushed and Damian held back the shiver that wanted out, clamped down on all thoughts related to it, and focused instead on the pizza. 

Two plates and four slices served up led them to the living room where Dick had left a cooler with a variety of drinks settled in front of the coffee table. He settled on one end of the couch, Dick on the other, and Damian started to chow down on the food, thankful Dick always knew just how to get a vegetarian pizza that didn't taste like crap. There were only two places that served it that didn't mess it up and this one was Damian's favorite. 

He bit into a mushroom, a burst of flavor filling his mouth and he finally reached up to push his sunglasses up on top of his head, chewing slowly, savoring the taste.

"So I got WOC four."

Damian swallowed, tilting his head. "Didn't think it came out until next week."

He could sense Dick's grin without so much as having to glance at him. "I got the hookup. There's this girl at the shop and let's say she's a fan."

Damian had to hold back his snort, barely stopping himself from rolling his eyes. "Grayson's fan or Nightwing's?"

"Mmm... maybe both, the way she fawns over articles and shit about Nightwing, I can only assume. But I've caught her with magazines before that had me on the cover."

Dick sounded thrilled and Damian shifted forward, leaning over his plate as he took a few more bites of pizza. When he was finished, he offered up, "Have you bedded her yet?"

A strangled sort of indignant sound issued from Dick's general direction and Damian almost wanted to smile. Getting Dick's goat was always fun, especially in relation to how many people _the Dick Grayson_ had bedded over the years. 

"No. I don't just sleep with everyone to get my way, you know."

"Could have surprised me." Damian glanced at Dick this time, watching the shocked look on his face and then the realization dawn on his features that Damian was trying to joke with him. The embarrassed flush came next and Damian had to look away for the sake of his own sanity, a little smirk pulling at his lips. He held back his banter enough that it was always a surprise for Dick and he loved keeping it that way, enjoyed seeing the play of such blatant emotions across Grayson's face when he chose to show his hand.

He heard the huff of Dick's laugh and then, "Christ. I forget sometimes that you can be just about as ruthless as Tim with the jokes."

"You call that ruthless? Did you get your head hit last night, Grayson?"

This time Dick snorted _hard_ and choked on his laughter a second later. "Yes, but that's not the point." There was a shuffle of ice from the cooler and then the pop of a soda can top and the sound of Dick drinking. 

Damian resisted looking toward him, knowing the slim line his throat made, the way his Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped down each swallow of soda, the images it left in Damian's mind that didn't belong there. He knew looking was a danger he couldn’t face if he wanted to stick around today and he'd had quite enough of the frustration associated with avoiding Dick's presence.

The slide of Dick's plate on the table and the clunk of the can let him know Dick was back into safer territory. His mind searched over topics of conversation, flitted from one thing to the next, unable to pick up on anything other than what they'd been talking about that made sense to start in on. Finally, he offered a quiet, "Honestly, do you want to?" Discomfort flared up inside of him and he had to tamp down on it, shoving a messy bite of pizza into his mouth to avoid the sensation.

He heard Dick wipe his mouth with one of the napkins he'd brought into the room and felt the couch shift. "Nah. I mean, she's hot, but she's not really my type."

"Oh? What is then?" The question was out of his mouth before he could stop it and he felt the blood start to drain from his face, had to self-regulate faster than he did out in the field to stop the progression of icy cold panic that skittered along his nerves. 

Dick chuckled and Damian saw his empty plate slide onto the table, a balled up napkin on it, focused on eating his own pizza. "It's hard to say really. Mostly it's in the personality. Strong-willed... I like someone who knows what they want, not too clingy but will still want to cuddle up to me and watch a movie. I like contact but I don't like being pestered or never let go of. Dated this one girl who wouldn't let go of my arm in public and it was one of the most annoying things I've ever encountered. Like, I don't mind it sometimes, but she'd latch on the moment we were out of a vehicle and never let go. That's some irritating shit."

"Did you perhaps tell her you disliked it?"

"Mentioned it as nicely as I could manage and she broke up with me over it." He could practically hear Dick's eye roll. "I'm just not... _that_ clingy. Like, touch is fantastic, I love it, but that was over the top even for me."

"What else?" Damian finished off his second piece of pizza and carefully placed his plate down on the table, rummaging until he found a ginger ale, pulling it out and popping the top, settling back to sip at it. 

"Smart... I like it when someone can school me on a subject just as accurately as I can school them. Someone who can debate with me, take any side of an argument - even if they disagree with it - and just hold an hour long reasonable debate over it. Someone who likes movies and video games. They have to understand that I'm gone a lot; I'd never give up my night job for them, you know?"

Damian gave a grunt of agreement, finally glancing at Dick, seeing the far-off look in his eyes. "And they'd have to be understanding that I'm not giving up my porn." Damian choked on his next sip of ginger ale, coughing until Dick was staring at him apologetically. "That was sort of a bomb to drop, sorry."

Damian waved him off, shaking his head and putting his soda on the side table, fishing his phone out of his pocket as it vibrated. He glanced at the text telling him someone had entered his room and he knew it was time for Alfred to do his weekly dusting and he dismissed the notification, tucking his phone back into his jeans. 

There was a moment of awkward silence, a moment Damian knew could have been filled if only Dick had asked him a question, and then Dick was reaching for his controller, tugging it across the table and settling back as he turned on the console, the TV coming to life a moment later. 

Reaching for his controller, Damian eased back as well, his heart squeezing a little as he eased back against the couch, signing into his account and letting Grayson lead the way into the game. They set up their characters looks quickly, moving into the menus to choose armor and weapons, starting stats, mulling over the choices. 

Damian's mind drifted over everything that had been said, over the fact that it would have been so easy for Dick to ask him questions in return, yet he hadn't and some part of him seized with a panic that Dick was avoiding asking him for a reason. Maybe he'd noticed it hadn't been Damian's stomach leading up to his avoidance, maybe he'd finally shown his hand too fully at some point and had made Dick uncomfortable.

Even as they left the menus and started into the game, the thoughts clouded Damian's mind. Somehow he must have given himself away, must have left Dick in some awkward position where he didn't know how to talk to Damian about his desires in a partner anymore because he _knew_ ; he knew he fit every single piece of it to some sort of absurd degree. 

It ate at Damian until he started to feel sick to his stomach. Only then did he manage to quietly ask, "Why do you never ask me questions in return?"

There was a moment where Dick's character didn't move on screen and then the game was paused. Damian lowered his controller to his lap, gazed at the TV so he didn't have to look at Dick and waited on the gates of hell to open.

"Honestly?"

"Preferably, yes."

Dick sighed and Damian heard him shifting, presumably to face him. "We all used to sort of ask, years ago, but we never got any actual answers. I figured we were making you uncomfortable, so I stopped. I mean... it's rude to poke at someone when they have no answers for you, ya know?"

"No answers?" Damian chanced a glance at Dick, seeing the openness of his emotions and promptly looking down at his hands on the controller, fingertips tracing the skin that had been applied to the plastic surface. 

"I don't want to assume anything, but you know the brain sort of does that regardless of what you tell it sometimes, right? So... I guess... I don't ask because, well-" there was a sigh and then, "Damian, this shouldn't be a touchy subject, I just don't want you to think anyone else knows what I do."

Damian's heart slammed in his chest and he jerked his head up to stare at Grayson. _He knew. He knew Damian wanted him._ The hot prickle of anxious fear rushed along his nerve endings and Damian's hands clenched on the controller as he waited on him to say it, to confirm his worst fear: that Grayson knew and he'd been _ignoring_ it.

"You're not interested in sex or a relationship and that's _fine_. I just don't think anyone's ever actually sat down to talk to you about it and I wasn't sure I was qualified to be the one and I didn't wanna fuck it up, you know? Like, I understand... superficially... like I can't _understand_ understand, I mean I'm _hugely_ sexual, so it's like, I don't on that level, but I-"

It took a second for everything to sink in, for Damian to understand that Dick thought he was aromantic, asexual and he felt relief flooding through him as if a dam had broken somewhere inside of him. He just hadn't wanted to press on about things that he thought Damian didn't want to talk about and he was so thankful that Dick would have been so considerate that it overshadowed everything else in that moment. "Grayson." He waited until Dick clamped his mouth shut and then slowly shook his head. "I am not asexual. I am simply very private."

He watched Dick's face range between confusion and understanding and he felt himself relaxing, his muscles easing from how badly he'd wanted to exercise his fight or flight predispositions. "I do not like telling groups of people about my _preferences_ , but I do have them." He gave a little shrug, picking up his drink again, taking a quick sip and putting it back. "I would answer you."

Dick was quiet for a moment, Damian simply listening to him breathe, and then, "Okay, so... what _is_ your type then?"

Something like relief ghosted through Damian at the question and he let his gaze drift around the room, falling on every little detail: picture frames, the way the light from outside teased over the wall, the glow of the TV. "I also like someone with strength: both physical and personality-wise. Someone who is not afraid to tell me what they want, but will listen when I tell them what I want. Loyalty is a must." He paused for a moment, debating if he would bare it all or not. Finally, "I want a guy who could take me on and win. Similarly who would allow themselves to be bent to my whim."

"Physical looks?" He could hear the smile in Dick's voice and it warmed something inside of him, knowing he wasn't being judged for anything he'd said so far.

"I appreciate the human form in many ways, though I do enjoy a lean sort of musculature."

"Favorite feature to think about?"

Damian could feel his cheeks wanting to heat up, knew it would happen if they kept down this path, but he didn't want to stop the barrage of questions either. A tingle started in his belly and he licked his lips. "Thighs."

"Oh, wow. I've never had anyone say that one before. What kind of thighs?"

"Doesn't much matter. I enjoy them all."

"Second favorite feature?"

Damian debated his honesty level for a moment before he managed to breathe out his reply so quietly he wasn't sure Dick could actually hear it. "Their cock."

He heard the huff of Dick trying to hold back his laugh and then, "Oh man, the _honesty_! Shit, I love it!"

Damian's cheeks heated and he pushed his thumb over the controller harder. "I assume the point of this exercise is to tell the truth, is it not?"

"Oh, it is." He heard Dick's controller settle on the table and the shift of his clothing on the couch. A chanced glance showed him Dick had turned to face him, cross-legged, arms resting on his thighs. "What sort do you like best?"

"Are you seriously asking me my preference on _cock_?"

"Well... yeah? I mean if you'd said breasts for a woman I would have asked you size preference, so why should it be any different when you said you like a guy's junk?"

Damian let his controller slip down onto the floor at his feet and he considered his answer for a moment, dredging up the image of the cock he liked best out of all the ones he'd seen and he closed his eyes, imagining it. "Tight foreskin, thick _enough_ but not overwhelming, length is irrelevant." He shrugged, opening his eyes and gazing down at the couch instead. "But just because there's one I can visualize does not mean I would not enjoy another."

"Oh _-ho_ , you have a favorite? Is it some porn stars or a guy you've been with?"

Damian snorted at that. "Not a porn _star_ , but he does amateur." He hesitated and then quietly admitted, "I've never, not _with_ anyone." Discomfort welled up inside of him then and he knew it was obvious he was drawing back into himself. He felt foolish, admitting he was this old and hadn't had sex with anyone, knew it would likely remain that way for _years_ given how much he'd been taught to hide his sexuality. He pulled one leg up and pressed his mouth against the fabric of his jeans, let his vision haze out. 

"Hey, that's nothing to be ashamed of." Grayson's hand came to hover above his knee, flitted up like he wanted to stroke through his hair, and then pulled away without touching him. He knew that was his own fault, the lack of touch because he'd jerked away from him, and he lamented his own reactions. 

Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to admit the truth. "I am too reserved about how I feel. The idea of admitting to someone that I desire them is _horrifying_. I would not know the first thing about how to go about breaching such a topic, nor with how to _confess_ any desires that may go with it." His mind informed him he was getting too close to admitting something to Dick, that he was going to lead him right to the truth if he wasn't careful and he fumbled for something to cover it up with, finally plucking out one idea and running with it. "I cannot even accept harmless touches at times. _You_ see how I react, how I will not let even you or Alfred or Tim touch me at times."

The couch shifted again and Damian watched as Dick resettled himself, his pose nearly mirroring Damian's own, his arms hooked around his own leg as he gazed at Damian. "You don't always pull away though. It's like sometimes you can deal with it and sometimes you cannot. What changes between the two?"

"How I feel about myself." Damian looked away, turned his head to stare off into the space between the couch and the television. "If I am ashamed of something I have done - no matter if it was that person or someone else - I pull away from everything until I have dealt with it."

Concern laced Dick's voice when he spoke again, his tone quiet and a tad bit more serious than Damian would have really liked for it to be. "Deal with it how?"

Damian shrugged, uncertain how much to admit of the process, especially given it was _usually_ his feelings for Dick causing him to start through said process. But something about the situation just made him want to admit to it all, to be honest in a way he had never been with anyone besides himself. He'd always felt safest with Dick, always felt like he was judged the least when he was with him, and this would be no different, he was sure. 

"Until I stop thinking about whatever it was that I could not stop. Every touch sets it off, no matter who is doing the touching." He gave a helpless little gesture with his hand, his voice feeling tight in his throat. "A stranger could shake my hand and my mind would jerk right back to the thought I should not have had. It is... _absurd_."

"You're still in your prime sexually... you know that, right?"

Damian released a humorless laugh. "Of that, I am hyper-aware."

"You're going to lust. It's just a part of life, like it or not. I mean, we've all been there. There's an entire site dedicated to awkward boners for a damn _reason_."

Damian squinted at the television for a moment. "You know this _why_?"

Dick let out a laugh, genuine down to its core. "Let's say I was linked to it because back in its heyday, Nightwing ended up on it."

It took _everything_ in Damian's power not to react outwardly to that particular confession. He cleared his throat instead and offered up, "Ah." 

"What I'm trying to say is that sexuality is _okay_. You're allowed to want, to desire, to feel however you feel about someone. If someone says they've never fantasized about a real person before and they're even remotely sexual, they're _lying_. At minimum I'm sure a celebrity is in someone's repertoire, you know?"

Damian considered the directions the conversation could go, how he was feeling, and he made a firm decision to pull it back out of such serious waters for the time being. He needed to _think_ and more discomfort wasn't going to allow that.

"Prove it."

It was the easiest way to derail the conversation back into safer territory, into talking about Dick instead of himself. A glance confirmed Dick was allowing the derail, though he clearly saw it for what it was, the concern still shining in his eyes making that much clear.

"Gillian Anderson." He tipped his head back and squinted at the ceiling. "I know that model Tina - can't remember her last name - is on Jason's list."

"The one who was in Gotham City's Finest last month?"

Dick clicked his tongue. "Yes. How the hell did you know that?"

Damian shifted, settling in a more comfortable position, fishing his controller out of the floor again. "He took father's copy. I do _not_ want to know what he did with it."

Dick let out a loud laugh, humming slightly afterward. "If you find it somewhere, I wouldn't go touching it, that's for damn sure."

"Oh _gross_!" Damian's hand shot out automatically, swatting the air between Dick and himself. "Nasty!"

Dick chortled, flipping the game back on from paused. "Guess _he's_ not your type, then hmm?"

Damian grunted, making a face towards the television as they began to play once again. "Jason?" He hesitated a second and then, "I have never considered it." Nor did he want to.

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, focusing on the game instead of any banter and Damian - for once - felt like some amount of the enormous weight he carried around on his shoulders had been lifted.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Album Love Death Immortality by The Glitch Mob https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBZ-3Ugj1AQ - specifically "you got me outta control" ;)

The rest of their gaming night and the way home were fairly uneventful. Dick didn't bring back up anything about Damian's type and the rest of their conversation was as easy as it ever had been. By the time he'd been dropped off at home, Damian had felt better than he had in months, a certain amount of freedom in his gut over having finally admitted some of his desires to someone. 

He joined Bruce on patrol for the last half of it and after a quick shower, he slipped off to his room, carefully locking the door and settling in front of his laptop for what was a near-nightly ritual these days. 

Pulling up his session, he flitted around through a few different sites, watching a few pieces of videos here and there, one earbud in his ear, the other dangling down so he could be sure he wasn't being too loud on accident. 

After about an hour, he made his way back to his usual forum, perusing the various threads, the gentle sound of Chopin gracing his headphones as he read through a few updates in threads he usually looked at. Some girl was commenting on the lack of _actual_ voyeur sighting videos and how many were staged and Damian typed out a quick comment that he agreed, leaving a few scattered links behind to ones he thought were either close enough or actually were people getting caught masturbating in public from his personal collection of links. 

On another thread someone regaled them all with their first experience with sounding and how scared they'd been to try it but how many times they'd cum and Damian let his mind wander over it, dismissing it after a minute, recalling a few of the medical tests in his past and making a face. No matter the amount of lube, that just didn't sound appealing right then. Maybe another time.

Three more threads and a smattering of helpful comments, he scrolled through the newly posted pics and videos from members, finding an overwhelming increase in videos under a few categories and vaguely wondering about how certain kinks made their way into mainstream.

A little ding got his attention and he glanced up, seeing his message light lit up. He clicked on it, feeling relief when it was leapoffaith rather than someone else, clicking on it and bringing up the little message window.

_Nice links you gave in that one thread. I left a few more if you're interested. Just stuff I found._

Damian smiled, shifting in his chair and settling both hands on his keyboard, debating what he was going to say. 

_I will. Hey, so I know we have discussed it before, but what is your favorite kinky thing besides showing yourself off?_

_Ha! You caught me there. I love taking vids for people... but besides that, I dunno. It changes I guess. Right now, I'd have to say cumming without using my hands. Does that count as a kink? Or are you talking like watching videos kink? If that's it, then I guess I've been sort of into the recent uptake of people posting themselves having cum on something they shouldn't have._

Damian sucked his tongue for a second and shifted to pull his cock free of his pants, slowly rocking his hips. _Why not do both?_

_Oh, trust me, I have._

_On what?_

It was a minute before there was a reply and when there was it was followed quickly by three pictures. _This._ The first was of cum dotted across a wooden kitchen chair, the second of cum stringing from a comb, about to drip down onto the floor, and the third was thick ropy spurts across a yoga ball. Another message followed them. _This is the most adventurous I've gotten so far. Too much of a scaredy cat to do it in public. But I've thought of doing it like under a table in a restaurant. Just how to clean it up would be the problem. Ain't no one else needa clean my jizz up._

Damian let out a little chuckle, shifting his leg up in his chair and slowly rocking his hips again, straining his cock and biting back a small moan at the action. _Yeah, true. I did it in a public restroom once... and outside at night one time. Too desperate to cum to stop myself._

_Holy shit. How did it feel to do it outside? Was it like your backyard or what?_

_Roof. I think I was too scared to enjoy it. Aching too bad not to do it._

_Damn dude. No one caught you?_

_Nah, I was by myself that night._ He bit his lip and let himself remember the patrol that night, how he was supposed to be tracking down some two-bit criminal and instead his body had decided he was going to get so hard his cup was actually painful. It had been an easy decision to do the rational thing and make the unintentional boner stop bothering him.

A flash of his conversation with Dick earlier came through his mind, the admission that Dick's _dick_ had been on some stupid website in the past and his fingers itched to find it, to actually _see_ Grayson hard in his suit. His hips rolled at the thought, but he didn't move to type in the proper searches, didn't want to land himself right back into the territory of avoiding him again. He'd _liked_ their time together and he wanted to keep it that way as long as possible before he inevitably slipped up again.

_Aching just thinking about that. Shit. Anything you wanna see me do tonight? I have some steam to blow off._

Excitement welled up inside of Damian and he slid his hand around the back of his thigh, teasing his fingertips along his sac as he thought about it. Settling on a topic, he quickly typed out, _Show me your hands-free cum. Just for you, unload on something you have wanted to but have been avoiding._

_Oh fuck yeah... give me like ten, dude._

Damian smiled to himself, clicking back through some of their past conversations and videos, letting himself get good and worked up, but not touching more than the light brush of his fingertips over his sac every now and then. 

Finally a little ding signaled the return of his little _ace in the hole_ and he switched back to their chat window, bringing it up to find a brief message and a video. 

_Felt amazing. I came **so hard** on this one. Sticking around to see what you think but shit, I'm like about to pass out after that orgasm!_

Damian let his fingers touch the head of his cock for a second before abandoning it and quickly typing out, _Watching now._ He clicked the link and brought up the video, noted it'd been locked to paid members like most of them were and that this one clearly stated it was for him, his username under it and he couldn't help the excited little flush over it. 

The video started and he placed his hands on the chair's arms, letting his fingers grip as hard as they wanted, determined to cum without touching himself, just for leapoffaith. He wanted so desperately to tell him he'd done the same thing, to give him something to be excited about in return, and he couldn't deny the way his stomach did an excited flipflop at the idea of it. Hooking his ankle around the yoga ball he kept under his desk, he tugged it forward and held it against the chair, knowing his cum was going to end up somewhere below him and getting a little thrill thinking he'd give this to his porn benefactor, too. 

He watched as the video came into focus, leapoffaith settling on a chair, his abdomen and thighs bare, the lighting brighter than usual. It was less artsy and more straight up fap material than usual, but Damian didn't mind at all. Whenever the guy got horny and couldn't wait, it was pretty obvious, the videos rushed instead of plotted out, but they were always just as exciting to Damian. He ran his tongue over his teeth and watched as leapoffaith's hips began to slowly rock, his cock straining away from his belly and then plopping back against it, leaving a wet patch behind as he did it again.

As he watched a single drop of precum eased from the head, slid down over his foreskin and along his shaft, nestling itself at the base of his cock, cradled there by his balls. His cock strained and he heard a quiet grunt as he began rocking, slow little thrusts of his hips, as if he were imagining fucking someone. 

Damian's cock twitched and he hooked his thumb in his pants, holding them down as he clenched and unclenched his muscles a few times, letting his cock jump until he was rutting the air excitedly, his own hips moving much faster than leapoffaith's were.

Another sticky plop of leapoffaith's cock against his belly and a gasping inhale of, "Oh _shit_ ," his voice barely able to be heard. Their thighs spread and Damian appreciated the angle, watched his hole clench up tightly as he arched and rocked, watched his thighs tremble as a whine came out. He relaxed for a second and then there was a hurried rush of movement, a curse, and a game case came into the frame of the camera, the disc still inside along with the instruction booklet. Their cock strained hard away from their body and then thick spurts of cum were raining down over the disc and the booklet, loud cries of pleasure falling from their lips.

Damian's own cock strained and he humped the air quickly, staring at the way a strand of cum strung itself between the case and the ruddy head of his cock. He felt his thighs start to shake and he watched as leapoffaith shifted forward, showed the case to the screen, gasped as he watched their shirt fall down into the way of their cock, the gray material darkening with the remnants of cum from the tip as it brushed over the t-shirt. The camera shifted as they picked it up, showed him the case and then showed him their shirt, and Damian gasped, seeing the logo on the shirt. Flashes of _Grayson's_ shirt from earlier in the day filled his mind and it was that fact alone that shoved him over the edge. He gave a little cry, unable to hold it all back, his head tipping back and he let loose the torrent of cum that wanted out, emptying his balls excitedly all over his yoga ball, hearing each pulse of it hit it.

Trembling, he eased back down onto his chair and let out a small moan, rocking on the chair for a moment, his hand coming to grab his cock and frantically stroke until he couldn't stand it. Letting go, he sat back, staring down at the mess he'd made, his mind going a million different directions. 

He almost wanted to laugh. A stupid shirt that he was sure hundreds if not thousands of people had and he'd lost his load over it. For once he didn't feel like he'd betrayed anything though. He hadn't really been thinking about Grayson, he'd been excited and about to cum for the video he was watching and - he reasoned - a shirt did not count as cumming while thinking about someone.

He plucked his phone up from the desk and carefully opened the same camera application he used for anything on patrol they didn't want to find anywhere else in the future, took a quick picture of his cum on the yoga ball, and before he could think better of it, emailed it - encrypted - to his account. 

Scooting forward, he opened the encrypted email, decrypted it with the key only he knew, and uploaded the image right to the site, setting to private and only leapoffaith and then sending him the link. 

_Came for you. Didn't touch it either._

_Oh damn! Look at all that cum! Dude, that makes me pleased._

Damian smiled to himself, shifted around a bit, and then reached for some tissues, cleaning up his mess. He let his cock stay out for the time being, still hard and knowing he'd probably stay that way for a bit. 

Another message lit up his chat and he glanced up at it as he went about getting rid of the picture on his phone. 

_I'm so glad you get off on what I send you. Like that is the height of it for me, knowing I got someone else's rocks off just as hard as my own? Amazing._

After a second of hesitation, Damian returned a quick message, feeling his cheeks flush hot with it. _You're my go-to._ He hit enter and sat back, trying to understand how he could be embarrassed over that. Tugging his waistband back up, he let his fingertips glide over his clothed cock, giving himself a quick few strokes and then pushing the yoga ball back under his desk, placing his feet on it as he stretched out, heard a few more quick dings as he messed around on his phone, making sure all traces of his cum-soaked fun were gone from the phone.

Once he was sure they were gone, he glanced back up at the screen, smiling a little.

_You're a complete doll. Makes me feel good someone likes my videos enough for me to be their go-to.  
You know, when I started this, I didn't think I'd like it this much, but it just feels good to be wanted for my body in a way.  
That sounds weird I guess, but like... I mean we - myself included - place so much value on personality and sometimes I just want to be lusted after.   
Does that make me conceited? Narcissistic?_

Damian sucked his tongue for a second and then quickly tapped out his reply. 

_Not in the least. I think I can understand that. It's always nice to know someone thinks you're attractive. I'd love to have someone think of me like that for once._

He hit enter before he could think better of it, wincing a little at how pathetic it sounded, and then followed it up with another message.

_Not that I think they don't. It's just no one ever says things like that to your face I guess? I do not mean like those assholes who cat-call girls or something. I just mean like someone you want to hear it from telling you they find you attractive._

_Yeah, I get ya. I think I get a lot of it in falsity and it makes it harder to accept when it is genuine. But here, behind the anonymity of the internet it's easier to accept that it's not fake. You genuinely just came from watching me do the same and knowing that there's this true lust is amazing._

Another message followed the first one. _Would it be horrible to say I never want to stop jerking off on cam?_

_No. You enjoy it, there is nothing wrong with that._

_Well, I'm a boneless mess after that orgasm, so I'm gonna head out before we get in too deep into some psychoanalytical, philosophical discussion of why I want to jack it for random people on the internet, haha!_

Damian snorted. _Entirely fair. Sleep well._

He watched the light blink out on leapoffaith's icon and he sighed, closing everything down, pushing himself away from the desk and clicking off his light, making his way to his bed and curling up on it. 

Despite his body's still semi-aroused state, he fell asleep easily, plunging down into his dreams, perhaps faster than usual with all the confessions he'd given voice to today.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Chill Mix" by Deadmau5

_Damian watched from the edge of the bed, his focus completely on the man in front of him, obscured from the light with the exception of his lap; beautiful thighs parted, his cock straining as he rocked his hips, abdominal muscles tight, defined._

_There was a quiet groan and then Grayson's voice, a whisper of Damian's name and he was cumming, an obscene amount of cum spurting up over his abdomen._

Damian jerked awake with a little cry. He was on his stomach, his hands clenched in his sheets, face buried in his pillow, and his hips frantically rutting against the bed. He could feel the damp spot on the front of his pants where his cock tented out the material, knew he was _right there_. 

One hand came to fumble under him, yanking down his pants just enough that the elastic settled under his ass, around the base of his cock. His hand moved back to gripping the sheets, knuckles going white as he bucked his hips again and again. Gasping, he ducked his head, watched in the faint light from the outside world as his cock rubbed against the bed, the head leaving a damp smear behind. 

Giving a rough little whimper, he spread his thighs, his mind whispering to him that _they both had the same shirt_ and for an instant he let himself imagine it as if it _was_ Grayson. 

" _Fuck_ ," he breathed out, the word feeling heavy on his tongue as he released it into the world. Rolling his tongue in his mouth his breath hitched and he watched as more precum dribbled out across the bedsheets. It was rare he got going so hard that he'd drip precum like this, but the dream had worked him up to the point that he couldn't deny how incredibly horny he was. 

Shoving his face in the pillow, he grunted out, "Gra-Grayson!" his hips working faster against the bed, affording him the image of leapoffaith's ass, the view he'd been given the night before and how glorious it had been. His cock throbbed and he imagined pushing into their body, grappling between two fantasies, trying desperately not to combine them into one, his brain fighting to do exactly that at every single turn.

Shuddering, Damian jerked his hips forward, letting his mind think about penetration and he muffled another cry as his body seized up and he frantically rutted the bed, only his hips working, absolutely no rhythm to it until he was flooding his sheets with his cum. He could feel it pulsing out, feel the warmth of it around the head of his cock as he rocked into it.

Slumping a bit, he pressed his cheek to the pillows and panted for his breath, ass still up in the air so he wasn't resting in his own cum. He blinked blearily at the wall for a moment before rolling over and pressing the heels of his hands over his eyes, groaning softly. He tried so hard not to wake up like this, on the verge of a wet dream, especially when he was fresh off the end of wanting Dick so badly he could have damn near tried to jump his bones. 

With a grimace, he reached for his box of tissues, doing his best to mop up the mess of his sheets. Better them than his pants, but _still_. He'd have to change them, there was no way he'd let poor Alfred have to change his cum-stained sheets, though he could imagine his words already if he ever brought it up. Words of how many growing boys had lived in this house and there was _no way_ he hadn't cleaned up someone's cum at some point. Damian had always been too horrified of someone finding out to just leave it and in the beginning he'd started hoarding clothing that he'd sullied, washing them in the sink and then stowing them beneath it until he could find a time when no one was home to run them down to the washer himself.

He imagined other people were not nearly so ashamed of a little cum stain on their pants. Or, rather, he wanted to believe that others weren't nearly so fearful of being discovered.

Pushing himself out of bed, he stumbled a little, catching himself on his desk and standing there, his bladder aching and his cock still sensitive. 

Taking in a deep breath, he made his way across his room and into the bathroom, careful to lean as far over the bowl as he could before starting to relieve himself, sighing in relief. A shiver ran up his spine and he sucked his lower lip into his mouth, enjoying the feeling of the post-orgasm piss. It wasn't something people liked to talk about, but he'd found a few threads where people admitted they felt similarly when they had just recently cum and went to relieve themselves. 

By the time he was done, his cock was slowly swelling again, thick in his hand and he gave in, leaning heavily on the hand against the wall as he started to stroke off, eyelids fluttering closed as he focused on only the pleasure of what he was doing. He gasped and turned his hand, forming a ring around his cock and starting to thrust into it, the remnants of imagining fucking leapoffaith coming back to him. His cock throbbed and - not for the first time - he wished like hell he was brave enough to go buy one of the toys that made masturbation so much quicker. 

Sometimes it would be nice to be so horny his mind was fading out and just hump himself to a quick orgasm instead of chasing after it for an unknown quantity of time. But he'd never been that bold, had never dared to step foot into a porn store. The fact that he was completely legally allowed to watch all the porn he did and he still used an encrypted session and a private browser window just to hide it away from everyone was probably proof enough that he was perhaps one of the most sexually uncomfortable people he'd ever known about. 

Sighing, he gave up, letting his cock go, knowing the way his mind was working in twenty different directions was going to make it impossible to cum quickly and he really didn't have all that much time before he was supposed to be taking an exam online.

He flushed and washed up, brushing his teeth and tending to his hair and skin care before he wandered back out into his bedroom, stripped himself of his clothing, and went to find a clean set. Changing as quickly as he could, he made sure to unlock his bedroom door, tossed the covers over the still-wet spot where he'd cum earlier, and settled on his chair, logging into his computer and bringing up his university site with about twenty minutes to spare. 

His cock was still hard in his slacks, pressing uncomfortably against them, though he'd ensured it wasn't against the zipper. Tucking one foot up under himself, he clicked around the university site, trying to ignore it.

The exam started a few minutes later and Damian answered the first part of multiple choice in a breeze. The second half was all essay questions and he managed to get halfway through the forth question before his erection started to drive him absolutely _mad_. Typing with one hand, he reached down to grab his cock, giving it a few rough jerks through his slacks, going back to the test. 

His feet hooked behind the wheels and his hips began to rock, pushing his cock against the front of his slacks with each movement. Glancing down, he could see the faintest bit of dampness around where the head had been pushing this whole time. His fingers typed faster, his mind slipping away from the test to focus more and more on his not-so-tiny problem. 

The instant he submitted the exam, his hands fumbled his pants open, his fingers wrapping around his length and quickly starting to stroke. Tipping his head back, he moaned, unable to stop the sound as he bucked against his own touch, desperate in a way he'd only been a few dozen times in his life. He throbbed under his own touch and his mind remained blessedly blank as he jerked his hand over his length. 

Arching up from the chair, he whispered out, "I'm gonna, oh _shit_ , I'm... I'm... _ah_!" His hips snapped forward and his entire body convulsed as his cum spurted across his fist and the floor between his legs. He stroked until he was almost sobbing with the pleasure of it and then let go, gritting his teeth as he humped the air a few times. Another weak little pulse of cum seeped down his shaft and he collapsed back into his chair, panting, wiped out in ways he didn't even want to consider from a mere orgasm.

He just sat there, cum dripping onto the floor, cum-stained fingers carefully avoiding his clothing, his chest heaving in the aftermath of one of the best orgasms he'd ever had. 

Swallowing a few times, he managed to get his mouth wet again and he finally moved, pushing himself forward to grab some more tissues, clean up his hand and then his cock, tucking himself away and then kneeling to clean the floor under his desk. 

He lit a candle to kill the smell of freshly spilt cum and made his way to the bathroom to wash up, feeling oddly less mortified than he usually would have.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: [Epic Chillstep Collection 2015](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWRISvgAygU)

Damian's practice staff cracked hard against the barrier wall with a simple flick of his wrist as he crouched down low, one leg outstretched as if to take down an unseen enemy, the other keeping him perfectly balanced. Two Batarangs came whirling from different places and Damian's staff moved, swatting one off-course, the other avoided by simply lowering his head for half a second and then coming back up, whirling around and taking three practice strikes. His hand jerked back and he dropped his staff, forcing himself to think of it as if someone had taken his staff away from him, left him empty-handed. 

Two strikes, one jab, and he dove and rolled out of it, coming up facing opposite of how he had been. One round-house kick and an elegant and very purposeful drop propelling him into three hand-springs, the final knocking a Birdarang out of the air, the trajectory and sound of it different from the Batarangs before it. He eased down into a crouch, retrieving his staff and then standing, slowly meandering off the practice mats and sliding his staff into its proper holder.

He shed his gloves, moving to the weights and settling on the bench. Today was upper body day and he always sort of loathed it, not able to beat his father's nor Jason's records no matter how hard he tried. He was light, graceful, closer to Dick's fighting style after all this time with very _key_ pieces of Tim's that he knew were born from Tim's own training away from Bruce. He'd never mentioned it, hadn't wanted to bring up something potentially damaging in Tim's past, but it didn't change the fact that he knew exactly where certain moves came from.

He'd set up his whole routine before beginning, so it was just a matter of lifting the bar and hoping he hadn't worked himself too hard on the practice mats before trying this. Some part of his mind knew it was reckless to work without a spotter, but the other part told him they regularly jumped off buildings and prayed their lines worked mid-fall and being half-strangled by his weights was probably less of a risk than that. 

Lifting the bar, he braced his legs and slowly began his set, breath careful as he pumped. His eyelids fluttered closed as he focused only on the sensation of pushing it up and bringing it back down. Setting the bar back down, he gave it a moment and then started to push himself up to get more weights.

"I've gotcha... how much more?" Dick's voice was gentle, behind him and somewhere to his right and he settled back.

"Twenty five on each side."

He heard the pins slipping off, the clunk of more weight being added and the snap of the pins snapping back on. His hands came up automatically when he heard Grayson move and then Dick was _right there_ , spotting him, his hands under the bar but not touching, careful as Damian tested out the weight. 

Pushing himself into another set, he tipped his head back, looking up at Dick, who was utterly focused on the bar, not on Damian. He watched the bright spark of concentration dance in his eyes, the curve of his lips that held back a smile - and he wondered just what had him so pleased.

His hands went to settle the bar back down and Dick took it from him, easing it onto the catches and then moving slightly to the side. "More?"

"Tens."

Dick busied himself with adding the weight and Damian focused on shaking out his arms, waiting until he heard the second clip slip into place and then reaching back up for the bar. 

This time he kept his eyes closed as he worked through his set, feeling the sting start to settle in and wishing like hell he could have impressed Dick instead of being too weak to break some record or other. He understood on some level that his body just wasn't meant to be bulked out the way Bruce's or Jason's were, that his build was meant to be limber and light on his feet. He was _fast_ and he had so many other talents. But, there was something primal about showing off with strength and while he knew it was ridiculous, he still _wished_ for what he knew wouldn't ever happen.

Tipping his head back, he opened his eyes, was greeted by a close-up of Grayson's crotch and he couldn't bring himself to look away, even as heat burned through his body, a gauge that had been set to simmer years ago flipping rapidly to boil. He lost track of his count and it wasn't until Dick's fingers wrapped around the bar that he realized he was struggling to get the bar back up.

Dick seated the bar and Damian bit back every little sound that desperately wanted out, sucking hard on his tongue as he peered up at Dick's face.

"You stopped breathing through it correctly. I always had the same issue, wanting to hold my breath to put more strength into it, but it's self-defeating. Your muscles need the oxygen and you're depriving them, so it just results in wearing out faster. Funny, but doing stairs used to wind me even when a sprint wouldn't. I kept holding my breath on them."

Damian desperately sorted through his mind for something that wasn't defensive to say, something to accept Dick's help and make him believe he'd stopped breathing because of the damn weights and not because he was rapidly plowing on towards too-horny-for-his-own-good. "Uh... you wield a good point." He realized the instant it out was out of his mouth that that wasn't the exact expression he'd been going for and he winced, a flush creeping up into his cheeks as he reached back for the bar. "Again."

"Just breathe this time." Again, Dick helped guide the bar down until Damian had his first rep worked out. Only then did his hands move from the air under the bar, letting Damian work on his own.

Counting every single lift of the bar, Damian made a point to focus on his breathing, even as his eyes drifted back to their prior resting place. A quick glance up at Dick's face confirmed he was still just watching Damian's hands and the bar, completely focused on his job. Looking back down, Damian's breath hitched and he had to force it back into rhythm.

He was starting to get aroused, the tingle of heat working him up and he knew he would be completely obvious soon if he didn't stop staring. But the thing was, he couldn't bring himself to stop looking. He'd never been given such an opportunity when he felt brave enough to actually look and _something_ about their talk had left him just the smallest amount bolder than he once had been. 

He pushed through the last of his set and Dick's hands helped guide the bar back up. Sitting up, Damian intentionally hunched over, using his towel to wipe over his burning face. He was hard now, almost from the instant he'd sat up, and he knew he couldn't do a single thing besides excuse himself now. 

Pushing himself up from the bench, he kept his back to Dick, tossing the towel in the bin and stepping out of the little alcove they kept the weights in. "Thanks for spotting me." He glanced back, seeing Dick's bright smile and he gave it a small one of his own before disappearing around the corner, heading right for the showers. 

Once inside, he stripped off as quickly as he could, snatching up a towel and hanging it beside his stall, stepping inside. The frosted glass door swung shut behind him and he leaned into the automatic spray, his hands on the wall as he bowed his head and just let the water pelt down on him. 

His cock was absolutely _aching_ , but he'd never once done anything down here, not sure what video feeds were set up and he wasn't about to break that very particular rule. He'd been aroused dozens of times in this very shower, had hid here embarrassed beyond belief the first time so many years ago - maybe the third time he'd ever been aroused in his life and it had been post patrol, some of the evidence they'd been filing away containing a man Damian had found very attractive in some shirtless and very tasteful photos. He still remembered how quickly it had excited him, just seeing a man he found attractive posing like that and, if he were honest, that had been the death of his ability to keep his hands off of himself. 

Months of fantasy had employed memories of those images, just a well-built man in low slung jeans and no shirt. Oh, how very _simple_ things had been back then.

He sighed, moving to scrub himself clean, attempting to derail his mind enough to get him through the shower without incident. He washed himself very methodically, careful in his movements as he ensured he didn't linger or touch too much. 

When he was done, he shut off the shower and listened to the patter of water in the stall next to him and he felt relief flood through him that he hadn't decided to break his rules about doing anything down here. If either Dick or his father had heard him, he'd have been mortified for _years_. He snatched up his towel and tucked it around himself, making his way quickly back to the bench where he knew he'd left clean clothing for the stupid brunch plans they had in a few hours.

Scrubbing his hair with a spare towel, he made a quick pass of his arms and legs, skimming the towel he'd wrapped around himself down the rest of his body and reaching one-handed for his shirt.

He paused, staring down at the item of clothing, dropping the towel he'd been cleaning up with as he slowly realized he'd grabbed Grayson's shirt instead: a faded out reddish number, soft to the touch, a darker red showing the Haley's Circus logo. He shifted to fold it back up, pausing to glance at the _horror show_ of Dick's boxers. Bright blue, little yellow spheres and orange pyramids decorating it. 

The thought that at least he didn't find _those_ attractive passed through his mind as he settled the shirt over them and reached for the stack beside it, plucking up his own black tank top, slipping it over his head and then tugging on the simple gray briefs. His dark gray slacks came next and his black belt. He'd left the button-down he would be wearing upstairs intentionally, the neatly pressed shirt not needing to be draped over a bench in a steamy room.

One last glance at Dick's pile of clothing and Damian breathed a little laugh out through his nose, picking up the towels and carrying them with him as a way to cover the fact that he was definitely tenting out the front of his slacks.

He made a quick pit-stop by the laundry room, ditching the towels and then retreated upstairs, closing his bedroom door and going right to the window. Curling up on his little window-seat, he pulled his sketch pad into his lap and very pointedly ignored the fact that he was still worked up. He still had brunch to live through and he knew his semi-assigned seating was always right next to Grayson. It wouldn't do at all to put himself in a situation where he was embarrassed to be sitting next to him.

His fingers moved quickly over the paper, sketching out a rough outline of a cliff, a sea below, and of someone tipping backwards over the edge. He flipped the page after a moment, dissatisfied, and started again, hand moving quickly, his mind hazing out into thoughts of only what he could accomplish through his art for the day.


	10. Chapter 10

Brunch had been one of the most boring things Damian had ever been forced to sit through. Tim had spent most of the time bouncing ideas off of Damian and his father, all of them trying to come up with something concrete for the next big press release; if it hadn't been for the fact that it was important, Damian might have shoved something in Tim's mouth to shut him the hell up. 

Dick and Jason had sat around, playing on their phones, Cassandra quietly watching them and Stephanie watching the whole thing in some amount of amusement. Damian only wished he'd been able to sit back and play on his phone instead, but his position as heir to the Wayne fortune - a title he found _distasteful_ as he grew older - put him where he had to pay attention to the business aspects of their lives.

When brunch had _blessedly_ finished, he had found himself drawn to finishing off his schoolwork so he didn't have anything left but one final exam, turning it all in so he wouldn't forget. The better part of the day had been spent speed-reading the variety of works he needed to write up his essays and draw up blueprints for the various types of architecture. 

By the time he finished, he was grateful Tim was the one doing patrol tonight, his focus shot to hell and he simply sprawled out on his bed, laptop open and playing his favorite mix of songs to just relax to. For the first time in what had to be _years_ he took a little catnap and woke up with the last rays of sun streaming in his window, warming his bare abdomen where his tank top had ridden up. 

Stretching, he let his hand lazily ghost down over his belly, across the toned musculature, and down to his cock. His hips rocked as he touched it and he was harder than he'd expected himself to be. One good squeeze and he knew this wasn't one he could just blow off and ignore. Digging his heels into the bed, he spread his legs and arched, his thighs straining as he thrust against his hand. 

His head tipped back and he gasped, his mind allowing him to imagine himself being ridden, his cock buried deep inside of someone. His cock gave an excited twitch and he was quick to drop his hips back down, wrangle open his belt and his fly, shoving his briefs out of the way and just gazing down his body at himself. The urge to try something he'd attempted a dozen or so times wormed its way into his system and he knew instantly what he wanted.

Pushing himself up on his knees, he leaned over the edge of the bed and clicked the lock on the doorknob, tumbling back onto the bed and wrenching off his tank top, tossing it to the floor. His pants followed, only his briefs remaining and only because they were advantageous in this particular endeavor. He shuffled around and brought up his VPN session, the private browser, and then clicked to open an entire folder of links, all of them with the same theme. Amateur men, all endeavoring to suck their own cocks.

He flipped through the links, clicking around in the videos as he stretched his legs, his back, even his neck and arms, growing more and more excited with each video he watched.

By the time his thighs were trembling with the desire to try this again, he swore he was harder than he'd been in months, his erection nearly painful from it. He stacked up pillows and used one of his yoga mats to shove up under his back as he shuffled around. Tipping himself back from the wall, he carefully moved his legs so that they were starting to come back over his head. His toes touched the bed and he grunted, still attempting to move more, to squirm himself into the position necessary to get the head of his cock into his mouth. 

He managed to get it to where he could snake his tongue out, just _barely_ touch his cock with the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't even lick, not close enough to do anything more than that and he _whined_ , a pitiful little sound. It was always _so close_ , as if he could manage it if only he had someone to push his head up or his thighs down just a bit more. He tugged harder on his legs, but accomplished nothing more than discomfort and he sighed, letting his legs come back up to rest against the wall, his hand wrapping around his length, quickly starting to jerk off.

It was so exciting to think about the prospect of having his dick sucked, even if it was only himself doing it, and he wanted it _so bad_. His hips rocked against his hand, the balls of his feet pressing at the wall as he moved his hand faster, his head turned to the side as he gazed at the frozen image of a man jizzing into his own mouth. He _knew_ the moans from that video in intimate detail, knew how eagerly he lapped up his own cum, and while Damian had always _wanted_ to try his own, he had been somewhat afraid of desiring it _too much_. As if tasting it would set him on a path of always licking up his own leavings, like he'd become addicted to it if he wasn't careful enough to never start, but right then, all he wanted was to taste _someone's_ cum. He wanted the bitter salt that he knew it was supposed to taste like, he wanted to know if all the fruit at breakfast had added some tangy sweet element to it, wanted to know if precum tasted different than the actual finished product.

His hips bucked and he _knew_ he would give in this time. This secondary thing that he could focus on instead of getting what he'd actually set out to achieve. Arousal slammed into him harder than he'd expected and he gasped with it, canting his hips and positioning himself so that anything his cock released would drip down toward his mouth. Opening his mouth, he closed his eyes and imagined it was someone else he was waiting on to cum. 

Images of a cock he knew _so intimately_ swam in his mind, of leapoffaith stroking off over his face, quietly telling him he was _such a good boy_. 

Damian's hips jerked and he felt himself pulse out a little dribble of precum, felt the warmth of a drop of it splash over his tongue. Closing his mouth, he rolled the taste of it around on his tongue, pushing it against his soft palate and then licking his lips, excitement ramping up. 

_He was going to cum in his own mouth._

He gave a startled cry - louder than he'd meant to - and his heart slammed in his chest as he strained up from the wall, jerking off frantically, and then he was cumming. His mouth opened and he closed his eyes, feeling the warm splashes of cum spurt over the bridge of his nose, across his cheek, over his shoulder, and then right into his mouth. Three quick pulses across his tongue and he _swore_ he was cumming more because of it. 

The flavor of his own cum burst across his tastebuds and he closed his mouth, held it there for a moment, still excitedly stroking as he savored it. Swallowing it down, he focused on how it felt to have cum on his face, on how much he was enjoying having the cooling pulses of cum splashed up over the bridge of his nose, rolling down his cheek towards the bed. His hips rocked and he finally let off of his cock, easing himself down to sprawl out on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, panting softly.

Heat still stirred in his belly and while he was satisfied, he knew he wanted to tell someone what he'd done. Some part of him got off on admitting things when he first gave into them. He'd told the entire forum the first time he'd humped against his own pillows, had told leapoffaith the first time he'd used the tile wall in his bathroom to frantically rub against. 

Reaching for his tissue box, he dabbed at the head of his cock, getting the last bits of his sticky mess up and then carefully cleaned his face, discarding the tissue afterward. Sitting up, he tucked himself into his briefs and tugged his laptop over, closing out the videos and instead opening up the forum. He opened a few exciting looking threads and then opened his messenger window to leapoffaith, seeing that his icon was dark today. 

He tapped out a quick message, sending it before he could back out: _Came on my own face just now. The taste is still in my mouth._

Swallowing thickly, he moved back to the forums, playing his tongue around his mouth, still tasting the faint bitterness left behind as he read through several threads: one on lifestyle choices, another on poly relationships and how to be honest to yourself that that was what you needed. He liked reading about how other people's minds worked, how their choices in life and love varied from his own and he always found an odd sort of comfort in knowing he wasn't alone in not quite understanding where he fit in. 

He scrolled through the dozens of serious messages, through someone admitting to the forum that they were stuck in a monogamous relationship that they didn't want to be in, through another person telling how they'd finally told a spouse that they were in love with them and with someone else and how they'd admitted it to the third party as well and everything had fallen apart. Yet another told of a similar situation and how things had _worked_ , and Damian watched the hope of the thread come alive under the guidance of the new person. 

Nearly an hour later he clicked over to his usual thread, scrolling through what people wanted to see in porn and hadn't. He linked to a video for one person and saved a few from another person's reply to someone else on the thread, and then tacked on his two-cents worth for the day.

 _I have found a few videos of this that are satisfying, but they are few and far between. There is an enjoyment in seeing a man pleasure himself within the confines of his own clothing. Knowing he is fingering himself inside his undergarments and then watching his cum seep through them._

He linked to the few videos he had found that satisfied such an urge beneath it and closed the window. He wasn't a fool, he understood why he liked seeing that so much. His own meticulousness of ensuring he never left evidence of his acts behind on clothing left him wanting to see someone else do the direct opposite. That was one of the few he could understand completely.

Shutting down his laptop, he pushed it onto his desk and padded off to the bathroom, intent to clean up and then just pass out for the evening. All the sleep he could get before patrol would be a blessing.


	11. Chapter 11

Damian dragged himself into his room. He _hurt_ everywhere; while he wouldn't admit it, he was still dizzy from the kick he'd received in the back of the head earlier in the evening. He and Bruce had found themselves confronting a few stray pieces of the League and while they had bested them - obviously, given his status amongst the living - they'd been given a run for their money. He was pretty sure he had a mild concussion and given the headache he had to go with it, he had zero desire to allow himself to fully be alone at the moment.

With Alfred assisting Bruce and no one else in the house, Damian knew what the next best thing was, something that would keep him occupied for hours if he let it. He ditched the towel he'd wrapped himself up in and snagged his laptop, dragging it with him onto the bed, curling up in the corner and tugging a sheet over himself. He was in too much pain to wrangle any clothing onto his frame and just the idea of having it restrict him made him ache even more.

While he waited on his computer to boot up, he grabbed his phone and thumbed through the missed messages, replying to a few of them and ignoring others until morning. One from Grayson asked if he was okay and he tapped out a quick, _yes_ , and left it at that. 

Ten minutes found his encrypted session open and he began to diligently organize all of his links, shuffling them off into folders, ensuring each one was labeled for what it really was instead of some obscure title the poster had given it. 

It was hours of work, viewing some of the videos to ensure they ended up in the right place, reorganizing ones he'd forgotten about to the tops of folders for later perusal. Still others were deleted entirely, some removed from the original sites - a few trackable but one lost to the depths of the internet and he lamented it. It was one of the few _super_ kinky - even by his tastes - things he'd found that he had gotten off so quickly, so _hard_ to that he had watched it three times in a row, cumming each time. To date, it was the fastest he'd ever managed to multiple and even the thought of it sent shivers up his spine. 

Opening his usual forum, he found the thread for _missing_ porn and did his best to remember the details.

_Video posted originally to Vidstrong site. Young man, likely in his twenties, brunette, no facial hair. In his Volvo s90, gray and red interior. He is wearing a light gray shirt, no print, olive cargo shorts (ugly as sin) and white briefs. The video starts with him complaining that he needs to "go", useless first five minutes of stop and go traffic followed by three minutes of him falling apart. He leaves the traffic behind and is speeding, speedometer says over ninety miles per hour. One-handed, he opens his shorts, grabs his **very** erect cock and holds it tightly as he whines. He starts to urinate himself and then abruptly takes himself out and after only a few strokes, he cums. He is **loud** the entire time and seems very upset with the whole ordeal until the very end where he looks satisfied and pleased with himself. Obviously staged. Non-pro. Shit camera work._

He posted the request and sat back, the cool wall behind him easing some of his aches and pains temporarily. It hadn't been a video he'd gone looking for, definitely wasn't one he would have usually watched, but the _talk_ about it on another video had gotten him to go watch it and it was the extreme juxtaposition between how upset he seemed and how pleased he was with himself at the end coupled with how quickly he'd cum that did it for Damian. It was the _only_ video he'd ever added to his collection with that particular kink in it and even the hunt for it had just made him all that much less eager to dig too deeply into that sort of realm for it. Not that it bothered him in other contexts, but it just didn't get his blood boiling the way other things did.

Stretching his legs, he finally glanced up at the top corner of his screen, seeing the little blinking number on his messenger and he smiled to himself, opening it and finding a message from leapoffaith and one from another user.

He clicked on the other user first, finding a poorly written message soliciting him for pictures of his dick. He sighed, deleted their message, and opened leapoffaith's instead. 

_Hey, I saw your post (where's the lie here, I look for your posts for inspiration - ha!) and thought I'd send you this little gift. It's been a long time since I've fingered myself, so forgive any awkwardness at the start while I find the right position. Hope it's up to par!_

Damian perked up a little, fighting through another wave of dizziness as he sent back a little heart emoji and then downloaded the video.

He opened it and settled in, waiting on it to load. The instant it did, his heart shot up into his throat and his hands gripped his laptop so hard he thought for sure he was going to snap the plastic edging. A shiver ripped through him as he stared at the screen, at those _all too familiar_ boxers. A horrid bright blue, spheres and pyramids emblazoned on them. 

Taking in a deep breath, he told himself those damn things had been whatever dime-a-dozen brand Dick had picked up at some _supermarket_ in Blüdhaven. Left to his own devices, he was horrible at choosing clothing, and he was fairly certain most men were just as much. There was no way only one pair of those damn things had been sold and it was just _coincidence_ that they happened to wear them around the same time. 

Still, his brow remained furrowed as he watched leapoffaith shuffle around on his black bedspread, finally settle with his legs spread and his hand clearly down his boxers. There was an audible gasp and a strangled little moan, followed by the fairly obvious shape of leapoffaith's hand moving in a way that suggested he was pushing his fingers into himself. 

The bedsprings creaked and he gave a groan, his boxers tenting a bit more for a moment as he arched his hips, canting them toward the ceiling. A few rocks of his hips and then his hand was moving, quick little thrusts and he was moaning louder than Damian had ever heard him moan. Loud enough he had to turn the volume down for fear of being overheard given he'd had everything else muted and didn't have his headphones in.

Leapoffaith's foot slipped on the bed and the camera jostled a little, the angle sliding upwards for a half second before settling back on the action and Damian's mouth fell open, his hand slamming on the spacebar to stop the video, his heart pounding in his chest.

 _The red shirt_. His fingers shook as he slowly backed up the video, frame-by-frame until he could see the shirt, could see the very bottom edge of the Haley's Circus logo and he just sat there, staring at it, fear blossoming in his chest.

Icy cold tendrils spread out through his body and he swore the cold sweat that broke out had nothing to do with the concussion he'd sustained. His mouth felt dry and he realized he still hadn't shut it, was panting as he stared down at the damning evidence of _who_ leapoffaith was.

It took him a good twenty minutes to close the video and his session, using his foot to shove the laptop across his bed until it was as far away from him as he could get it. His head tilted backwards, a wave of dizziness washing over him with the action, and he sat there, his eyes closed, his cock still _very much_ aroused, and a shame in his gut that made him _nauseous_. 

This whole time, he'd thought he was running away from the reality of his emotions, turning himself away from his body's betrayal at every given corner regarding Grayson and instead he had been watching him do the very things he was trying to avoid thinking about him doing. He jerked away from Dick's touches, pulled back from him in ways he _regretted_ almost constantly and turned to his only coping mechanism, _displacing_ everything onto someone on the internet that - through some horrible universal joke - had been Dick all along. 

His gut clenched and he swore he was going to be sick. Instead, he forced himself to breathe, clenched his fingers hard in the sheet covering him and let his body shake with the barely restrained turmoil within it.

_If Dick ever found out..._

Damian cut the thought off somewhat violently, his eyes opening, staring sightlessly towards his closed window. He couldn't let him know, he had to ensure he'd never _ever_ find out he'd been sharing such an intimate piece of himself with Damian all this time, because he was certain that had _never_ been Dick's intention. He'd been so careful until now, had posted only the ones on the paid forum that didn't imply any real essence of who he was, had sent Damian the riskier ones directly and asked him not to share with the first one. He'd placed his _trust_ in Damian.

Dragging his hands down over his face, pulling at his skin, he gave voice to a rough little whine and a barely whispered, "Why? _God, why_?"

His vision swam again and he panted softly, remembering his mild concussion and just why he'd been on the forum to start with.

Was he jumping to conclusions? Pushing things to a result that he wanted instead of making a logical deduction? He supposed it was possible; anything was if given enough wiggle-room. 

Taking in a deep breath, he made a judgement call. He'd _prove_ \- beyond a shadow of a doubt - whether this was or wasn't Dick Grayson.

He tugged his computer back to him, settled it in his lap and brought everything back up on the screen.

Downloading the video like he had so many before it, he carefully placed it into the folder he had for the ones he'd been personally given. He pulled one from the videos posted on the members only forum as well, dropping it into another folder and then opening them neatly across his session. 

He did the easiest part first, going to each and right-clicking, viewing the properties of each video and searching until he found the metadata his OS showed for each. Out of seven videos, six of them were shot with the same model of camera. The last was a webcam and had been fuzzier than the rest, more impromptu and less set-up. Everything else was the same on the other six videos, down to the frame-rate and pixels of the videos. Lens settings were different, but that was also expected given varying degrees of light and darkness. 

Pulling up one of their most trusted programs for pulling full information from metadata on photos and videos, he loaded in three of them, including the last and most damning one and let it run, allowing it to rip out every piece of metadata it could.

Opening them, he found that the camera manufacturer had either denied or allowed a setting on the camera itself to turn off geotagging, making his search a little more difficult without latitude or longitude to work with. 

Shifting to tug the laptop into a better position, he hunched over the data, scanning the myriads of useless information until he found the most precious item of all, buried deep in the mess of it. He copied the serial number and then scrolled through the other video's information, finding he same serial number on all of them.

He picked his phone up, held onto it for a moment as he weighed his options. Finally, he settled it on his knee and quickly looked up the manufacturer, pulling up their website and searching for the make and model, finding it was a pretty damn expensive piece - the kind that people tended to actually bother to register their warranties for. His heart clenched and he sucked in a breath, steadying himself for what he was preparing to do.

He tapped on customer service and brought up the number, unlocking his phone and dialing it before he could back out of it. The number rang once and then flipped over to an automated message that he only half listened to, scowling in annoyance as he waited it out and punched for an operator. Hold music played in his ear for what felt like a small eternity before a tired female voice came across the line.

"This is Casey, we thank you for calling Tigresse today. With whom am I speaking?"

He hesitated for a second before giving his answer, ensuring his voice was filled with none of his inner turmoil, doing his best to imitate Dick's voice - something he'd been told again and again he was damn good at. "Richard Grayson."

"Thank you, Mr. Grayson. May I have your phone number to pull up your account?"

"It has changed quite a few times. I'm not sure which one you have on file." He didn't give her a chance to interject again, plowing right on forward, knowing it would make her less likely to pay attention to her first question. "Actually, that is why I am calling. I have moved recently and wish to ensure my address is correct."

"On which product, sir?" Her voice sounded distant, as if she was paying attention to several things at once and Damian found himself grateful for that.

"The C27 camera."

"Do you have the camera where you can see it?"

"I do."

"On the bottom there is a switch that will open the battery flap. If you can open that for me and then read the serial number, it will be the second code, seven characters in length."

"I see it." He glanced at the computer screen. "2GKP901. I think that's a zero, it might be an O."

"Thank you, one moment while I pull it up."

Damian waited until he heard her quiet thanks and then interjected again. "So the address I think I have on file is 479 Parmont Avenue, is that correct?"

He heard her type a few things and then, "Apartment 457G."

Damian's hand shook as he replied, "Yes, I must have updated it correctly. Thank you."

"Is there anything else I can help you with today, Mr. Grayson?"

Tipping his head back, Damian closed his eyes. "You have helped tremendously. Thank you, Casey. Please have a good evening."

"You as well. We here at Tigresse thank you for your continued business."

The call disconnected a moment later and Damian let the phone fall to his lap, his eyes finding a fragile spot of light on the ceiling, his breath moving the laptop and casting the light over the blank expanse of the ceiling. 

No matter how he could have felt about this, no matter how many ways his mind wanted to twist it, there was one thing he couldn't stop himself from thinking. 

_Dick Grayson was never going to forgive himself._


	12. Chapter 12

Damian crouched with his back to the wall, Gotham's darkness expanding out in front of him. He shifted, his back cracking a little from the movement and he winced. It had been weeks since he'd gotten into it with the League, but they'd left a lasting impression in the form of bruises and a few bruised ribs. Not that any of it would ever stop him, but it was uncomfortable.

Beside him he heard the feather-light movement of his father's cape as he landed and then he was crouched beside him, his hand coming to lightly squeeze Damian's shoulder. There wasn't a question attached, but Damian knew what he wanted anyway. It wasn't like it was terribly hard to figure out that Damian was running from something when he ended up crouched down here for a good ten minutes after he'd said he needed a moment.

While they tended to use it as code that one of them needed to relieve themselves, Damian only really used it when he wanted to get away for a few minutes. The fact that a _few_ minutes turned into ten left him at a disadvantage. So it wasn't a surprise that Bruce had come looking for him.

The thing was, he couldn't keep running like this. The leaps between buildings and the constant shuffle of his uniform irritated a very certain part of his anatomy that was doing its best to betray him was rapidly leaving annoying and heading into painful. Wincing slightly, he tried to decide which lie would be best to try to cover things up, but all of them came back empty in comparison to the truth of what was really happening.

He hunched a bit more, drawing his cape around him and glowered sourly at the ground. Finally, through gritted teeth, he spit out, " _Teenager problems_." 

Bruce's fingers squeezed his shoulder for a moment, then he was standing up, turning away and Damian almost wanted to laugh. Making _the_ Bruce Wayne uncomfortable was a difficult job, but he'd apparently just managed it. After a moment, he received a short, somewhat harsh reply.

"Walk it off?"

" _-tt_ , I have been _trying_ that for the last half an hour."

Daring to watch his father, he saw the way he almost drew in on himself and then spit out, "Then _fix it_ ," and then he was shooting his grapple. Damian watched him disappear up into the darkness and he rested his head back against the wall, staring up into the night sky, anxiety clogging his throat. He _wanted to_ , he really did. The issue was that every single time he tried now, all he could think about was Grayson. 

At first he'd tried other porn, had tried fantasizing instead, even deflecting it off onto other people he actually knew, but all of it just left him frustrated and _aching_ , unable to actually cum. By the time it culminated in frustrated whimpers and desperate humping of his bed, he'd made a decision. No more porn, no more touching himself, and _absolutely_ no more thinking about Grayson.

The downside of such a decision was that he just happened to be an incredibly sexually driven being and not doing anything left him _wanting_ more often than not.

He knew what was coming, knew he was heading right towards the shame of waking up with his pants sticky and having to hide away his shame like he hadn't needed to in years. At the moment, though, he was wondering if he wasn't just going to end up losing it in his uniform instead, given how hard he was. 

His cock gave a weak pulse and he bit back the sound that wanted out, spreading his legs and pressing his hands against his inner thighs. It was the closest he'd allow himself to get unless other day-to-day functions required him to touch. His fingertips dug in and he sucked in a small breath at the feeling of the bruises he'd left on his own inner thighs pressing under his fingertips. He'd gotten too excited last night, had ended up sitting on the edge of his bed, his fingers digging into his legs as he panted through what had nearly been a very unintentional orgasm. 

All that really mattered though, was that the pain had killed his desperate desire for release and while he hadn't _meant to_ , it had worked. Still, it was one more thing to hide away from everything, one more set of bruises that were far too obvious if someone were to see them.

Pushing himself upright, he studied the mouth of the alleyway and then made a face. Sometimes it worked to try to take a piss, something about the action causing his erection to dissipate. But he did worry that it might do directly the opposite with how horny he was; that he'd end up like the guy in the video who had cum so fast after starting to urinate. A wash of arousal slammed through him and Damian's fist connected with the wall before he could stop himself from lashing out. 

The impact rushed up his arm and rippled through his body and he gritted his teeth, striking out again, pain lancing up from his knuckles all the way through him. He hissed out an annoyed sound and then switched to open-palm, distracting himself enough that he wasn't on the verge of cumming any longer. 

Trembling, he took quick stock of his surroundings again and then quickly opened his pants, gloved fingers pushing his cock down, his hips canting forward. A strained little sound bubbled up from him before he finally started to relieve himself, the splatter of liquid hitting the pavement somehow louder than it should have been. He felt his cock easing back toward flaccid and he shivered violently, pushing out the last bit in a rush before tucking himself away and shuffling away from the spot. He shot his grapple onto the opposite building of Bruce, pulling himself up onto it and finding Bruce facing towards the street, back to the alley, his form looking rigid and uncomfortable. 

Damian held back the laugh at his father's discomfort, instead scuffing his boot enough he earned a jerk of Bruce's head towards the sound and he gave a little wave before turning and running off into the night, knowing Bruce would catch up quickly. 

\--

Hours brought them home and found Damian in his own bathroom, taking his shower there. It was rare that he didn't use the one down in the cave, but not unheard of, so he didn't feel like he was causing too large of a disturbance by doing so. He knew what assumptions his father would make if he thought on it at all and while it normally would have been true, it just wasn't anymore.

Settling himself against the wall, he let the water hit him, the scalding heat of it touching his skin keeping him from getting worked up. He _knew_ what he was doing, understood what he was doing and that it wasn't the first time. He'd displaced his desires for anyone in his life onto the safety of pornography and now that even that hadn't been _safe_ , he was doing what he could to distance himself from them. 

Some part of him knew it wasn't healthy, that he shouldn't be pushing towards causing himself pain to deny the pleasure, but the truth of it was, he had no idea what else to do. He couldn't talk to anyone about it; there was no one he trusted nearly enough to impart such intimate and forbidden knowledge to and there was no one he could think of that would understand why he was hell-bent on never letting Grayson find out.

The fact was: Grayson was the only person he trusted to such a degree and given he was the only person he couldn't talk to about it, it left him without a single solitary person to speak with.

Sliding down the wall, he crouched and let the water pelt down over his hair, washing out the conditioner he'd put in earlier, his scalp stinging from the heat of it. 

Wiping a hand over his face, he shifted slightly out of the spray, just enough to stare down at the bruises on his inner thighs, at one more thing to be ashamed of about himself. Thoughts of how someone else would react bubbled up in his mind and he could feel the edges of a different sort of thought brewing in his mind, knew how his fantasies of Dick being _so kind_ to him would play into this and he jerked himself upright, stepped into the scalding spray and bit back the whine that wanted out as it ran down his torso.

He shuddered, turning off the shower and yanking open the door. He gave himself one glance in the mirror as he snatched up his towel and, not for the first time, wondered how long it would be until he took it far enough that he screwed up and someone noticed. How long until hot showers and bruises on his thighs didn't stop the desire from pooling in his belly? How long until he took risks on the streets that put him in danger? How long before he didn't fight the urge to take the melatonin on his bathroom counter every single night just to escape the dreams?

His heart wrenched in his chest, a familiar little pang of anxiousness and he knew what he had to do. For his own sake, no matter the repercussions. 

Leaning on the counter, he studied his own eyes, found sincerity within them and then whispered out, "I have to tell Grayson." Closing his eyes he let the reality of it wash over him and he shivered hard, feeling the sickly roll of his stomach. "I have to tell him _everything_."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damian's username (I didn't get a chance to mention it yet, but it's Reignofdestruction) It is actually related to Titus' name. During Titus' reign (Flavian dynasty) there were a lot of natural disasters, Pompeii and Mount Vesuvius most notable among them, though also plagues and fires in Rome and numerous other things. It's sort of become known as the reign of destruction 79-81AD. Figured it would be just like Damian to have a username that was far deeper than anything it looks like on the surface.

Damian's hands clenched and unclenched nervously at his sides. No matter the decision he'd made, he hadn't been able to execute it right away. Actually doing it was far harder than admitting he needed to.

All the same, he hadn't backed down from the idea of it at all, he knew he had to clear the air because walking away hadn't solved a damn thing. He'd denied himself everything, hadn't been back to the site or seen a single scrap of porn since he'd understood just who leapoffaith was. Even after all this time, he still hadn't voluntarily orgasmed, even once, though his body had started taking things into its own hands and every once in a while he'd wake up with a drying mess in his briefs. 

Through some twist of the world, he'd kept every obligation he had that involved Grayson; helping him on cases and even ensuring he had kept their usual game night, which was exactly why he was standing in Dick's kitchen, the scent of white-sauce veggie pizza wafting up to him from the boxes on the countertop. He'd offered to come get them each a few slices if only to give him a moment to stabilize himself before he went back out there. 

Just seeing Dick had thrown him for a loop today. The dive had been something closer to misery than anything else as he'd fought off every offending thought, fought his arousal down to a simmer rather than the quick boil it wanted to be in Dick's presence. 

Opening the box, he pulled out two slices, shoving them on Dick's plate, one more for himself and then closed the lid. Taking a deep breath, he padded back out into the main room, handed off the plate, and settled himself opposite Grayson on the couch. 

Dick turned, stretching his legs out, his foot slightly brushing past Damian's calf and it took _everything_ for Damian not to whine. He bit back the sound even as fire ignited in his groin, his thighs starting to tingle with the rush of blood. For an instant, the image of him pressing Dick down against the sofa, knee forcing Dick's thighs apart as it slid between them danced in his mind and he had to turn the pant of breath that escaped into him blowing on his pizza. 

He shoved a giant bite of it into his mouth, held in the tremble, and rehearsed in his mind all the ways he could breach this fragile subject. He could just spit it out, be blunt and tell Grayson who he was, that he knew who leapoffaith was. He could formulate it all as a question, a what-if sort of scenario in which he asked what he should do about this hypothetical thing. _What would you do if you found porn of someone you knew online?_ He could avoid the subject completely and instead just tell Grayson how he felt about him, see if it lead anywhere or if he was shut down so fast his head would spin. Or he could admit things in some perverse reverse order; show Grayson how hard he was trying to avoid having to do this before he told him the very base truth of it all.

"Hey... you okay?" 

Dick's voice broke into his thoughts and Damian sat there, staring down at his plate, suddenly very aware of the pained look on his face, of how bad his hands were shaking. Pain lanced through his chest and he opened his mouth before he could think better of it. "I've been hurting myself."

There it was, the biggest thing weighing on him now, the thing he was truly the most ashamed of and once it was out there, he had no idea how he'd kept it in as long as he had. 

Somewhat dimly he heard Dick's plate slide onto the table, felt his own being lifted from his hands and set aside. Dick's fingers laced with his own, holding on gently enough he could pull away but hard enough Damian knew he was trying to anchor him to the here and now.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Somewhere in the depths of that offer there was pain, and a confusion that Damian didn't know quite what to do with. He clung to the moment with everything he had, his eyelids sliding closed as he captured the very essence of it. Dick _cared_ about him, about his wellbeing and about whatever was happening to him. Nothing in him could ever believe that what he had to say would make Dick care any less. 

The realization that even with this huge bomb he had to drop that he could wager no damage too great to repair left him feeling all that much more ashamed of his kneejerk reaction to it all. Dick would never push him away because of it, would never hate Damian for what he hadn't known. Those things weren't anywhere within Grayson's personality and Damian felt foolish for having clung to some silly fear over telling him the truth.

"Yes." The word slipped out easily, a half-breathless whisper as he opened his eyes, met Grayson's own, found every ounce of compassion and kindness within them and held onto it as the _gift_ that it was.

"I have been foolish in my reactions to things that I could not change." He looked away, his mind playing over the hundreds of sentences he could speak now, of all the languages and all the ways he could say what he wanted to. 

After a moment, he withdrew his hands from Dick's touch, shifted so that his legs were crossed and he leaned forward, bracing his forearms on his thighs. "I would like to start from the beginning. In order to do so, I will need your promise that you will not make a complete judgement until I am done."

"Damian... I would never judge you." Dick's hand raised for a moment, hovering between them, as if he wanted to provide him with some touch to ensure he understood just how sincere he was. His hand settled back on his own leg.

"It is not me that I wish you would not judge until I am done." And that was nothing but the truth. Everything in him was terrified it would be Dick's judgement of himself that ripped things apart, that he'd be so upset he exposed Damian to things unintentionally that he would find some way to punish himself alongside the inevitability that he'd try to pull Damian closer in some attempt to beg forgiveness. Neither of those were reactions Damian truly wanted from this. If he were honest, the only thing he wanted was for Dick to know _his_ truth, to stop hiding from the only person in the world he truly felt at peace with.

"Then I promise I'll try not to judge anything until you're done."

Damian knew there was a smile in his eyes even if there wasn't one on his lips as he gazed at Dick, as he let himself settle into what he was about to do.

Taking a deep breath, he let it out, slow and steady, and then started at the beginning. 

"When I first met you, I was a different person than I am today. I was raised to be stuck-up, self-entitled, a _brat_ as I have heard myself referred to so many times. You and Alfred are the ones who bothered to teach me how not to be and it is you, alone, who believed in me enough to give me your faith. I don't think I have ever managed to express my thanks for that; for thinking I could do what I did even when no one else did." 

Damian let it sink in for a moment and then continued, his gaze resting somewhere between them as he spoke. "I think it started even back then. I have this bond with you that goes deeper than with anyone else. I know what you want me to do in the field most of the time before you ever say it. I know when you're lying about how much something hurt or how bad off you are as if we are discussing myself instead." He gave a little shake of his head. "It sounds crazy, even to my own ears, but there have been times when you've been hurt and there is now way I could have known, _but I do_." 

Reaching down to dance his fingertips over the hem of his pants, he allowed his focus to remain there instead of on Dick for the moment. "I've known for a long time that things changed for me, just as much as I know they have for you. The problem..." he hesitated and then tipped his head back, barely whispering out the next part, clenching his fists to stop the shake in his hands, "... is that things changed _differently_ for both of us."

Easing back against the arm of the couch, he crossed his arms and turned his head to look at the coffee table instead. "I fell for you... and while I do not claim to know the extent of your feelings, I am fairly certain they are not the same as my own." He heard the intake of Dick's breath, the precursor to him speaking and he held up his hand. "Our agreement." He heard Dick's sigh and he knew he was allowed to continue without Dick's commentary.

"I chose a path once I hit the age where I _could_. I chose to leave you out of any decision that could potentially steal you from me - something I see now was pointless... unnecessary, because you would never have abandoned me. All the same, I made my choice before I realized that. Every time I felt something towards you that I could not _hide_ , I pulled away. I allowed you all to believe I was being petulant, _childish_ , because it was easier than admitting the truth."

He shook his head slightly and let out a humorless laugh, the huff of breath nearly sticking in his throat on the way out. "I _displaced_ because I didn't know how to admit what was happening to me. See... you are the only person I have ever trusted enough to say things like this to."

Pushing himself up, Damian moved to go stand next to the sliding glass door that lead out onto Dick's balcony, his back to him if only because he didn't want to chance seeing his reaction before he finished. Steeling himself, he pushed his hands into his pockets and continued, his voice holding the smallest hints of just how hard this was for him to admit. "Certain things were taught to me to be _weaknesses_ and no one ever bothered to tell me otherwise. I think either it slipped your minds or it did not seem like something anyone wanted to breach with me. I have learned - to some degree - that those thoughts are incorrect, but it doesn't make me any less likely to want to hide it all away. I hear the logic in my mind that tells me everyone else is allowed to show it and that I should be as well. Then I hear the other part, the piece that tells me it is weakness and foolishness, that no self-respecting _warrior_ would ever allow such things to best him."

His hands fisted in his pockets, his eyes lowering to the carpet beneath his feet, taking in the yellowing cream color of it. "When I began to _desire_ you, I did the only thing I could think to do and I hid it away from everyone. I submerged myself into an online world of every imaginable desire, pulled myself through them one by one, dredging up every emotion I couldn't bear to let the world see... _to let you see_." He shivered, the gentle shake of his shoulders nearly covered by his breath. "I allowed you all to believe me to be ill or a _brat_ , " he spit the word out the way he truly felt about it, a sting to it that showed how much it had hurt, "in order to hide my physical and emotional reactions to you."

Turning away from the window, he allowed himself to look at Grayson, knowing this was the part he had to know how he reacted, no matter how much it had the potential to hurt him. "I found a safe space online, hidden away behind my firewalls, behind my encrypted sessions and the anonymity of a username. Inside that world, I found one person I felt somehow connected to. They were kind to me, they shared my interests, and they asked so little of me in return for providing to my every whim."

He let it sink in, waited just to see if Dick would piece it together himself, but he still just looked so concerned, so very much like he was on the edge of running over and hugging Damian until the tiny tremors in his body stopped, until he mind released him from his present state of being. 

Walking over to him, he did the only thing he could think of that would allow Dick to see him on some baser level as being no threat. Squatting down next to him, he let his hands dangle between his knees, palms facing upward, his expression as open and honest as he could make it. "Circumstance brought us here, Grayson. The world aligning in all the proper ways to show me what I needed in order to see the truth I was trying so hard to deny." 

"Maybe I should have known from the very beginning or maybe some part of me suspected it before I proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Maybe... it's why I trusted him so much." His voice lowered, barely a whisper in the otherwise silent room. "Because I knew he was you."

He watched the sudden shock of understanding blossom on Grayson's features: the way his nostrils flared, the way his pupils constricted and then blew themselves out. Despite the _control_ he exhibited, the fact that he didn't flinch away, that he didn't so much as suck in a gasping breath, Damian knew all of those reactions were there, just beneath the surface of a very trained individual. Dick's body screamed his every would-be reaction to him as if someone were reading them to him from a stage-direction manual. 

Damian reached behind him then, sliding his phone from the table and unlocking it, bringing up the photo he'd re-downloaded and left on his phone this time. The only damning evidence he had on himself and he slid the phone onto Dick's thigh, careful not to allow his fingers the contact they desired. "Even in the vast sea of the internet we found one another."

He watched the color drain from Dick's face and the way he tipped his head back, his knuckles going white where he gripped the arm of the couch. " _Damian_ ," it came out strangled, as if Dick were on the verge of a meltdown already and Damian felt an overwhelming sadness roll over him, knowing Dick was so close to breaking down.

"You have no obligation to me. No need to feel how I feel or even to react reasonably to any of this." Damian sighed, shifting until he could settle himself with his back against the coffee table, his knees pulled up in front of him, arms linked beneath his thighs. "I reacted even more irrationally when I found out it was you. I assumed things that could never be true, that you'd hate me if you found out, that you'd pull away from me because of how I feel... and when I had nothing to turn back to, I started down an even worse path. It wasn't intentional at first... I just dug my fingers into my flesh until the desire went away, left bruises behind that I felt for days." Damian studied the edge of the couch cushion, unwilling to look back up at him now that he'd laid it all out on the table. "I burned my skin in the shower to kill the desire, denied myself anything because I knew what my thoughts would center around. I _wanted_ to do more, to hurt myself in so many other ways that I just couldn't bring myself to do."

"I hurt myself to not want you. It doesn’t work." He lifted one shoulder and let it fall, knowing the frown on his lips was proof enough of how he felt now. "I don't know how to deal with myself or with the way I feel about you, but I do know that I trust you. I trust how you will react. I trust how you will proceed. Above all else, I trust that you will only tell me the truth."

He fell silent, waiting for what felt like forever until Dick finally managed to speak, his voice sounding about as broken as Damian felt. "Please don't think I ever _knew_. I had no idea it was you. I would have never tortured you like that."

Damian huffed out a little annoyed sound. "Torture? You believe your videos were torture for me?"

"Maybe not then, not when I gave them to you. But now? Yeah... I think they are."

"The only thing that is torture about them is that I _want_ to watch them, but I do not feel that I am allowed to." Something stung in Damian's chest over that and he hunched over his legs, chin resting on one knee as he stared at a spot on the floor slightly to his left, just under the edge of the couch. 

"I... you..." Dick made a strangled noise and then, "You want to see them still?"

Damian nodded and he heard another of the same sort of noises bubble up from Dick's throat. "It doesn't freak you out? Knowing that it's _me_?"

A gentle shake of his head and then Dick's breathy, "Well _shit_." 

The sound of fabric on fabric met Damian's ears and then Dick was there, his legs dangling over the edge of the couch and his hand extending down to Damian. "Then come back up here."

Damian looked up, his hand automatically sliding into Dick's offered one, allowed himself to be drawn up until he was sliding one knee between Grayson's thighs, excitement boiling in his veins as Dick stared up at him, something curious and new shining in his eyes. Hope blossomed inside of Damian and he pressed his free hand to the back of the couch, leaning ever closer, wonder feeling like a dark bliss within him. 

Dick's free hand drifted over his side, dancing lightly over the sensitive skin that had been bared between his shirt and his pants with the movement and he shivered, allowing it to take his body, rough and filled with so much held-back desire that simply wanted to overflow.

" _I want you, Grayson._ "

Dick's touch landed solidly on his side, warm hand pressed to his heated skin and he sighed with the pleasure of it, watching the small smile creep onto Dick's lips. His voice was hushed when he spoke again. "I've never been more hurt than when you didn't come back online." Grayson's other hand squeezed Damian's fingers. "It seems I may have fallen, too."


	14. Chapter 14

The sound of the bird in the next apartment over starting to sing was what finally stirred Damian enough that he woke up. He shifted just the slightest amount and then paused, his heart slamming in his chest as he remembered how he and Dick had ended the night. 

They'd spent some time just finishing up their meal and then when they'd come back to play games, Dick had snagged Damian around the waist and hauled him down onto the couch, tucked right up against him so that his own hands had to grip the controller around Damian's body. Things had alternated between playing video games and quietly spoken words of confession. 

Dick had questioned a few of the times Damian had left that had apparently been weighing on him and Damian had admitted to what had been going through his mind with each of them. They didn't speak about their interaction on the website in any grand degree, but there were hints from both of them, allusions to things they had both fallen back on time and again until Damian had the impression that he hadn't been the only one who needed that outlet. Their reasons had been different, but the results of what they had been doing were no less. 

Now he just felt the way he was warmer than he had ever been before. His skin tingled just because he'd fallen asleep resting against Grayson's chest, his head on his shoulder. Biting back a yawn, he reached for their controllers, gently plucking the cords from Dick's hands and shifting just enough to lower them to the floor. The system and TV had turned off hours ago. 

Reaching for Dick's hand, Damian took it between both of his own, drew it up to his mouth and pressed his lips against the warm flesh, closing his eyes as he allowed himself to think on what he wanted while remaining in Dick's presence. His mind focused on a kiss, on what it would feel like the first time Dick allowed it, on how much Damian would have to hold back his overwhelming eagerness to keep it simple and sweet and for it to be everything Dick deserved. 

His toes curled against the cushions and he fought down a shiver, felt the heat of desire start to burn within him. There was still a spark of shame, the essence of wanting to take flight clawing up inside his belly as he felt the flame ignite, but he didn't run this time; he wanted to know how it would feel to stay.

Pulling Dick's hand away from his mouth, he clasped it between both of his own and just held on. His pulse skittered in his veins and he could feel the uncomfortable press of his bladder falling into a backseat as he began to swell in his pants. His gaze landed between his own legs, watching the progression of it until there was a nearly obscene tent in his pants, until it took everything in him not to rock his hips forward just to gain some amount of friction.

Biting his lip, he eased back against Grayson, feeling his solid warmth at his back and _allowed_ the fantasy, feeling some amount of safety in the fact that Dick was asleep. 

_Dick's hand glided up his thigh, fingers dragging along the material until he arrived at his hip. An instant later, Damian's pants were open, Dick's hand around his aching flesh and Damian fought the urge to thrust up into the touch, his entire body trembling with the contact._

Catching the groan that wanted out, Damian pushed the fantasy away, quietly untangling himself from Dick's touch and pushing himself to his feet. He took a moment to watch the way Dick blinked blearily at him and then reached to push a hand through Dick's hair as he moved past him, skirting around the couch and padding off down the hallway into the bathroom.

With the door shut firmly behind him, Damian leaned over the counter and stared at himself in the mirror. He caught the embarrassed flush to his cheeks, the way his hair was sleep-tousled and his body still held the look of someone who had been asleep very recently. Pulling his shirt over his head, he dropped it on the counter and reached for his pants, sliding them down his hips once they were unfastened. Leaving them on the floor, he moved to the shower, turning the knobs until the water was on the hotter side of warm and then stepped in, drawing the curtain shut behind him, grateful for the dark red instead of the clear one Grayson used to have.

There was a quiet knock on the door and then, "Are you all the way in? Gotta take a piss and it's not really gonna wait."

Damian held back his laugh, a little thrill shooting through him that he could be completly devoid of clothing _and aroused_ in the same room as Dick and he'd never know about the second part. He raised his voice enough to be heard over the shower, "Come in."

The door opened and then closed and Damian listened to Dick shuffle around, the sound of his zipper and the toilet lid and then liquid hitting the water in the toilet bowl. 

Shivering slightly, Damian allowed his hand to drift down over his belly, fingers grasping his cock and giving it one firm stroke. 

Lust lit up inside of him like an inferno and Damian bit his lip hard to stop himself from moaning as he kept moving his hand. He heard Dick finish up, the sound of his zipper, and then the closing of the toilet lid.

"I'll be nice and not flush just yet. It turns everything to scalding if you do." There was the sound of Dick shuffling around and then, "Hey, do you mind if I brush my teeth and stuff or would you rather have privacy?"

Damian's hand moved faster and he knew he had to keep himself at this level or below or he was going to give himself away just from the sound of it. His head tipped back and he managed a relatively normal sounding reply. "Stay." He fought the shudder that ripped through him as he grabbed the soap with one hand, the other still teasing over his cock, unable to actually stop himself from touching. Excitement welled up inside of him and he washed off as quickly as he could one-handed, listening to Dick's electric toothbrush.

Putting the soap back, he pressed his free hand to the wall, leaned forward on it a bit as he started stroking as quickly as he dared, clinging to the very edge of his orgasm for as long as he could. He heard the clink of Dick putting his toothbrush away and his breath caught in his throat as his hips jerked. His belly went tight and pleasure ignited inside of him, his entire body feeling flushed with it as he started to cum. 

Rocking into it, he held his breath, let his mouth fall open in a silent version of the moan he wanted to let out. Trembling, he eased himself back down, held his hand pressed to his abdomen, above the bulge of his sleep-filled bladder and just waited on his mind to stop racing. 

The cabinet closed and Dick's voice cut through to him. "I left out a spare toothbrush and comb for you. If you want to use any of my hair products, they're in the right-side shelf. Anything else is free game if you want it."

"Thank you." The words came out breathy, in a way that he was certain would allude to what he'd been doing, but all he heard was Dick closing the bathroom door behind himself and he stood there, thighs trembling as he finally allowed himself to pant for his every breath. 

He made fast work of relieving himself and doing a quick shampoo and conditioning job on his hair after that, getting out of the shower as quickly as he could to make sure he left some hot water for Grayson. He wrapped himself up in a towel and used the things left on the counter for him before bailing from the room, ducking into Dick's bedroom to change since he could hear him in the living room, tapping away at his computer.

For a moment he stood there, staring at the black comforter before he managed to get himself to move, pulling on his pants and then his t-shirt before he settled on the edge of it, hands sliding over the soft fabric, imagining what Grayson had last done on this bed for him. He bit back his smile as his gaze landed on the dresser, seeing the camera that filmed so much for him sitting right there in plain sight. 

There was a knock on the door and he offered a quiet, "I am decent."

The door opened and Dick stepped in, holding an armful of laundry. He dumped it on the chair by the door and turned, his eyes tracking Damian's gaze until he, too, saw the camera and he cleared his throat. "Found it, huh?"

Damian let out a huff of breath. "It is not as if you _hid_ it." He let himself look up at Dick, amusement dancing in his eyes. "You should delete your metadata."

Dick looked taken aback for a moment and then shock slid into place. "Oh God."

Amusement and _power_ washed over Damian as he watched the emotions play out over Dick's face. "I proved everything before I allowed myself to believe it. If you had taken away the ability for me to see that information... it would have been much harder to do."

Dick rubbed his hand through his hair and then let out a quiet laugh, shaking his head. "Things... worked out how they should have."

"Perhaps." Damian pushed himself up off the bed, walked to Dick's side and paused there, his hand on his upper arm. "Next time you make a video for me, just remember to take the data out."

He watched Dick's mouth open and then snap closed, the flush of heat come to his cheeks, and the way his body gave every single tell that he was quickly heading towards arousal. 

His job done, Damian gave his arm a squeeze and moved past him, out of the room and back towards the living room. If he were lucky... maybe, just maybe, Grayson would follow his example in the shower. 

The thought settled a smile on his lips as he eased himself onto the couch right in Grayson's spot, letting his mind wander back over how he'd woken up. 

It might be a long time before he and Dick ever arrived at anything actually physical between them, but he'd be damned if he was going to give up what they'd had online. And that? As far as he was concerned, could sustain him for a damn long time.


	15. Chapter 15

Damian closed the door behind Titus, watching the dog limp toward his bed in the corner. He felt for him but he knew there was nothing beyond what they were already doing that could be done for him. He went through phases where his hip was okay and then one day he'd wake up and start limping everywhere. They had pain killers, but Titus didn't like eating them and Damian didn't like how he whined when he tried to make him consume them. At least it seemed like it was tolerable as long as they didn't make him go up and down the stairs with it.

He flipped the lock on the door and set about undressing from the stupid dinner meeting they'd all been to. Tim was in town and so they'd had to deal with some business crap and afterward Bruce had suggested Damian take the night while he and Tim cleaned up the town. Normally, it would have bothered Damian, but he saw the hopeful look on Tim's face and he had just bit it back and bid them a good night, heading up here instead.

Picking up his neatly folded pajama pants, he shook them out and then tugged them on, his softest black tank top following before he moved to his desk and settled on the chair, sliding forward as he lifted the lid on his laptop and signed in.

He gave it a minute to boot, studying Titus to make sure he was curled up and looking pleased on his bed. Satisfied the dog was okay, he focused on the computer again. A few minutes found him with the university website open and his grade posted for the course: top marks all across the board with a few subjective gradings on his papers, but nothing that bothered his final scores too badly. 

Satisfied, he logged back out and picked up his phone, texting Grayson.

_Course is done, top marks._

The reply came quickly, a little winking emoji following right behind it. _Of course you did well, since when would you half-ass something?_

Damian gave a quiet snort. _Not a damn thing in my life that I'd half-ass._ He sent it back and then settled his phone down, debating what he wanted to do with the rest of his night. After a minute, he opened his art capture program and then flipped through his notebook to a new page. He slid the little ring around his pencil that mimicked his every mark and vibration of the pencil across the paper. He gave it two quick test marks on the top of the page and then began to draw, his eyes flicking over to Titus as he sketched out a rough version of that portion of the room.

His phone vibrated and he glanced at it, seeing a little photo icon. He'd look at it later when he wasn't already immersed in something. Settling himself again, he picked up drawing once more: the sketchy lines turning into flowing arches and hard angles, everything in his drawing coming together to show Titus on his bed, Damian's own knee and foot at the bottom of the photo.

He'd always found it to be good practice to make sure he could draw from what was in front of him once in a while instead of what was just in his head and it had been a while since he'd drawn something other than the backyard or some piece of Gotham.

Minutes dragged out into hours as his pencil moved over the paper, the rendering of it appearing on the screen at the same time as his notebook. 

When he was finally done, the page was filled with tonal changes, lighting had been altered to fit when he'd first started instead of how it looked now, but overall everything was about as good as Damian's art ever got. 

Turning off the little recorder, he slid it off the pencil and saved the file on his laptop, exiting the program and sharpening his pencil before closing the notebook.

Pushing everything aside, Damian scooted in closer to his computer and picked up his phone, unlocking it to find Dick had sent a photo taken by some random Gothamite of Nightwing, half of him blocked out they the side of a building, under it he'd type the word _Half-ass_.

Damian snorted hard enough he coughed, wincing at the choke of breath from his lungs as he exited the photo and returned: _I prefer the full one, but I'll take it._

_Not like you haven't seen it a hundred times._

_Again never hurts._ Damian hesitated for a moment before sending it and then pushing his phone across his desk. He tapped his fingers against the wood, knowing full-well what he wanted to do, but also knowing he hadn't since he'd found out just who leapoffaith was. 

It took a while for his phone to light back up again and when it did it was with another little photo. Damian thumbed his phone open and pulled up the photo, watching it load. It was very clearly a photo of Grayson's rear-end, encased nicely in the tight black jeans that Damian absolutely adored, the photo obviously taken in a mirror.

_Love those jeans._

_I know. Why do you think I changed into them?_

Damian felt his cheeks heat up and he shifted in his seat, already feeling the preamble to his cock getting hard. Tipping his head back, he mouthed out a few curse words and then looked back down at the screen, quickly typing out a message. _You will be the death of me._ He sent it and then followed it up with another right after. _You knew all along?!_

_More like suspected. I thought I caught you staring at my ass a few times, but I just sort of ignored it._

_And now?_

_Now I won't ignore it._ A sunglasses emoji came right after it and Damian rolled his eyes, pushing his phone across the desk again. 

Another moment of hesitation and then he finally started to open up his VPN session, carefully logging into his browser and then into the usual forum. The little notification number blinked at him, showing eight unread messages. Clicking it open, he half-expected to see eight random people having messaged him about seeing his dick. Instead, only one was from another user and the other seven were from leapoffaith. 

Clicking on the other user's message, he gave it a quick read-through, surprised to see a note about how they hoped he was okay and had just noticed he hadn't been on in a while. He tapped out a quick reply of how he had just been taking a break to deal with some real-life stuff and he wasn't sure how frequent he would be now, but he definitely wasn't gone for good.

Sending it off, he clicked over to Grayson's thread, his brow furrowing as he scrolled back up to read.

_Hey, everything okay? Just noticed you sort of dropped off the face of the earth._

There were a few days in between and then another message: _Hope you're alright man. We all gotta take a break sometimes, right? Well, when you come back, here's a vid for you._

Under it was a link to a video and Damian opened it in another tab, went back to the thread instead for the time being.

_Found that video you were looking for! Me and SteepleTea found it archived on solid-x. Downloaded it for you so it doesn't go flying away again. Password is your username with a one on the end._

Damian opened the link and typed in the password, starting the download to save into one of his hidden porn folders and then switched back to the forum again.

_It may sound stupid, but I'm actually a little worried about you. I dunno, I mean I know things change and people leave places, but if you happen to ever get this and you just moved on, lemme know? Mostly just care about your wellbeing at this point._

At that, Damian sat back in his chair and stared at the message, his eyes flicking down to the date, displaying a few days before he'd confessed everything. He scrolled down to the last message, seeing it was from a few days prior and longer than the others.

_Hey, I don't know if you'll ever come back after... well, you know. But if you do, I just wanted to let you know it's cool with me if you still keep these. I mean, you already watched them right? So no point in taking them away! Plus... I dunno... this way we both sort of already know what the other is into. I like that idea. I don't think anyone I've ever been with has known this much about me. - Conversely, if you don't want to see them anymore, that's fine, too. Just tell me if that's the case._

Rolling his tongue in his mouth, Damian sucked at it and then clicked it against his teeth a few times. Hooking his feet around the wheels of his chair, Damian shifted back to the video that had downloaded, closing the tab and opening the file. The instant it opened his arousal spiked and he knew it was the right one. He made a quick copy onto his thumb drive in another hidden folder and closed it out, going back to the thread and typing in a quick reply.

 _Don't think I would want to give up part of these videos honestly. Also that vid was exactly the right one, tell SteepleTea thanks, too!_ He hit enter and moved back to the newly created video.

The paid site was open and he clicked on the play button, hearing the softest music begin playing, the gentle piano echoing within the airy sounds of a myriad of found instruments, Damian recognizing at least one of the sounds as that of a comb over violin strings. The darkness slowly came to life, candles flickering into brilliant flames and then, finally, revealing Grayson, settled on his windowsill, completely devoid of clothing. His back was against the glass and the skyline behind him was too far outside of the depth of field to show more than a hint. 

He watched as Dick's hand slid up the window, as his torso turned to give him more reach, as he turned and pushed up onto his toes, his chest against the glass now. He climbed up onto the sill, his feet barely finding purchase on the little ledge and he went up on his toes, reaching to the top of the ceiling-high pane, pausing there and then he was reaching further, to the lip at the top, fingertips gripping as his toes left the sill beneath him, as he lifted himself and then dropped to the ground in such a delicate manner that Damian wondered just how he thought he wasn't going to be recognized. Sure, he was all in shadow, the black and white of the film making it even more difficult to recognize him, but the grace he moved with, the pure strength inside of him was far more obvious.

The scene started to fade back to darkness and Damian watched the candles flicker out and he realized just how much effort had been put into the video, how many hours of camera work just to get all the lighting right, to watch a flame come to life and then die like that, to ensure nothing completely damning had been on there.

He downloaded the video and added it to his art collection, hesitating and then typing out a comment underneath it.

_Your art always amazes me. There's so much effort put into every second of what you do and I respect that._

Sitting back, he realized he didn't really want to get off to porn. What he honestly wanted to do was let his mind wander over all the possibilities he had with Grayson, over all the things they might get to do or try at some point.

With that in mind, he pushed himself up from his chair, reached to exit everything and then closed the lid of his computer. He snagged his phone and wandered over to his bed, easing under the covers. Rolling over onto his stomach he opened a text to Grayson and bit his lip as he tapped out, _I found your messages. Just really want you to know how much I respect your work._

He hid his smile as he sent it, pressed his cheek to his pillow as he considered the world of options in front of him. For once, everything felt like freedom.


	16. Chapter 16

_Fingertips trailed from his hip, across his abdomen, the flat of a hand pressed against his belly, and then the bed was dipping, the shadowy figure moving to straddle him. One hand held his cock steady, the other resting on his chest, and then he was sliding into their tight heat-_

Damian jerked awake, a moan lodging itself in his throat as he arched up from the bed, his cock throbbing in his pajama pants. He wasn't _quite_ there, but he was so damn close he was sort of amazed he hadn't cum the instant he woke up.

Reaching up, he rubbed one hand over his face and then set about shoving his covers down around his ankles. There was only a moment of hesitation before he hitched his thumbs into his waistband and dug his heels into the bed, lifting up enough to drag the fabric down to mid-thigh. He lay there, his cock exposed, hips rocking slowly for what felt like an eternity before he made the conscious choice to give in. 

His hands shifted up and over his chest, pausing to roll his thumbs over his nipples, taking stock of just how hard they were. His hips gave an insistent little push up into the air and he instantly thought of what he'd been doing in his dream, how he'd been penetrating Grayson and his breath hitched, shuttered out as he rolled slightly onto his side. His left hand grasped his length and he hummed, letting his eyelids close as imagination took hold.

A month ago, he wouldn't have allowed this to happen, would have felt like a horrible person for so much as wanting to do it. So many things stretched between then and now, each of them making a sincere and valid point in his mind towards why he needed to _accept_ his sexuality rather than fight it.

Some part of him had always thought that, perhaps, he was severely oversexed. That even as a teenager he had wanted more than he should have and that it hadn't quelled at all as he'd come into adulthood. He'd blamed himself for not having more control, for not being able to stop himself from getting off several times a day. 

He still wasn't sure what had encouraged him to tell Dick, but he could still see the vaguely horrified look on Dick's face as he'd told him how many times he had tried to stop himself from wanting so much, all the things he'd tried, and how miserable he was each time they failed and he'd find himself frantically going after himself in the middle of the night, anxiety-ridden and terrified of being caught. 

The drive to make himself stop had dulled over the years, faded out as he'd started toward the exit of his teen years and left him just feeling faintly annoyed when he gave in _too often_. 

Mostly, it had been Dick's warm hand on his thigh, the light pressure of his fingertips as he explained that everyone had different sex drives and that he didn't think there was any such thing as _oversexed_ or _undersexed_ , just variants in the vast scope of the world. The way he'd explained it, the personal confessions he'd included had left Damian feeling lighter than he had in a long time. 

It was slow, but there was a progression through all the things Damian wished someone had been there to tell him were okay, Dick gradually addressing each anxious little pocket that lived inside of Damian, freeing them from him one at a time. The last conversation had been one about how even now that they were together, Damian still felt like trash every single time he started to think about him sexually. Dick had squeezed his hand so hard Damian had to check to make sure it was intact afterward. He'd begged Damian to tell him who had put the thoughts in his head that told him any of this was bad, that he couldn't desire like everyone else did. When he'd whispered that it had been himself, Dick had looked so very upset. 

It was the text that had come later that night that set Damian on fire.

_You can think about me all you want. I will never be angry with you over that._

It had been the overt permission he'd needed, the outright statement of consent that allowed him to stroke himself off, to cum onto his sheets with a desperate little cry of Grayson's name that night. And it was that same permission that allowed him to think about what he did now, his hand moving quickly over his cock as he imagined what he wanted to do with Dick.

His hips rocked against his hand, his balls already so tight they were aching. His hand moved quicker, his free hand fisting in the sheets as he imagined how warm it would be to be inside of Grayson's body, imagined how it would look to push his cock inside of him, how his hands would feel with handfuls of his glorious ass. 

Damian's hand moved down to his sac, fingertips rubbing up quick and hard against the area just behind his balls as he strained, his cock flexing over and over. His hand squeezed his sac and he let out a strangled cry as he started to cum, shoving his fingers up against the spot even quicker as each spurt of cum landed across the sheets, some of it raining down over the side of the bed as he excitedly rutted against his hand. 

Whining, he jerked his hips forward a few more times and then relaxed, letting his hand just cradle his balls as he panted for his breath, the remnants of his fantasy clinging to the edges of his consciousness. 

Knowing his door was locked, Damian allowed himself to relax - to sprawl over the sheets - and he drifted back off to sleep, his hand still cupping himself, his cum drying on the bed beside him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Toguro" by Dir en grey

The clouds drifted overhead, little white wisps interspersed with larger, fluffier ones. Damian knew the names, knew the difference between cirrus and cumulus, cirrostratus and cirrocumulus. But he kept the names to himself, instead choosing to simply enjoy the fact that he was taking the time to stare up at them with Grayson by his side. 

He could hear Titus' paws in the grass as he rushed around them and then back towards his favorite bush. The dog seemed excited to be out here and Damian couldn't blame him the slightest. It was a nice day, a fact that was only compounded by Dick having come to visit him completely out the blue and with no other reason than to simply see _him_. There was no meeting, no important news he needed to share with Bruce, they hadn't pre-planned anything, and there was no giant fire that needed to be put out.

Dick was there _for Damian_ , no one else.

Something rustled in the underbrush and Titus gave one loud bark, the sound echoing and Damian let his gaze drift from the clouds to his dog. He had his head under his favorite bush, his tail wagging madly and Damian sighed, pushing himself up and going to crouch next to Titus. There was another rustle and then the blur of what had to have been a lizard rushing away from the bush.

Titus took half a step after it, but Damian put his own foot out, just barely in front of Titus and the dog stopped, staring up at him and then plopping his rear end down on the ground. 

"Let it be." He reached to scrub his hand between Titus' ears, offering him a lazy smile before turning back toward Grayson. He picked his way over, seeing how far he could get with barely any noise at all. It was something he would have once denied picking up from Tim, a game to play to hone his skills even further than they already were when he'd come here. He still did it, not because he needed to but because he found it to be _fun_ in a world where little else was.

Carefully settling by Grayson's side, he allowed himself to press his thigh against Dick's own. He didn't look up at the sky this time, instead gazed across the yard, ever so slightly in Dick's direction so he could give him a sideways glance every so often.

It took longer than Damian would have thought for Dick to catch on and reach over to place his hand on Damian's knee, squeezing lightly. "Are you just gonna keep side-eyeing me or are you gonna say something?"

Damian allowed the faint flush to rise through his body, enjoyed the thrill of it as it spread. It wasn't all that obvious he knew, but it could have been felt if Dick had touched his cheeks. The slight shiver he let slip out, however, was another story entirely. He watched Dick's smile grow until he ducked his head, shaking it and looking away from Damian, staring up into the sky again. 

"You're a handful."

There was half a second's worth of deliberation and then Damian spit out the retort he had, no matter how much it ramped his heartbeat up. "Oh, it is more than a mere handful. Of that, I assure you."

He watched Dick's mouth fall open in shock at Damian's comment. He sputtered for a second and then breathed out, "Dear God, was that a _joke_?!"

Damian gave an indignant snort, hiding his smile as he turned to watch Titus go rigid and then start after what was presumably the lizard. "What I have in my pants is _no_ joke, Grayson." He snapped his fingers at Titus. "Titus!" One more snap and he pointed at the ground between his feet.

Instantly Titus barreled toward him instead of stalking after the poor lizard and within seconds Damian had a lapful of his dog. He gave a startled grunt as the full brunt of Titus' weight settled on his legs and then accomplished pushing Damian down onto his back. 

Dick instantly started laughing, reaching up to pet Titus' head. "Well, you got what you _asked for_. That much I'll give him."

"I didn't mean-" Damian squirmed, completely unable to get out from under him without hurting him, "-on me!"

"He's half blind, you know that. He went where he _thought_ you pointed at." Dick flopped down beside Damian, resting his elbow on the grass, propping his head up as he stared down at him. "Besides... I think he just did me a huge favor."

Damian narrowed his eyes. "Oh? How so?"

A very self-satisfied smirk spread over Dick's lips and then he was leaning down until Damian's breath caught in his throat, until he was a mere inch away from his lips touching Damian's own. "He helped me capture you." 

The words were so quiet, so _delicate_ that Damian shivered. He reached one hand out, Dick's tangling with his own, and then pressing it to the grass on his other side, steadying Dick over him. 

"Tell me you want this as bad as I do."

"Worse." The single word was barely spoken, the look of absolute _desire_ Damian knew he was giving Grayson telling everything for him.

Dick closed the distance between them, his mouth meeting Damian's, the light pressure of their lips moving against one another quickly proving to be Damian's undoing. He could feel the sincere difference between all of his past arousal and _this_. The way his heart beat out a quick staccato in his chest, the way his pulse fluttered and everything in him wanted to whine into Grayson's mouth. He wanted everything to stay the same and yet he wanted to know how it felt to kiss him deeper than this, how Grayson tasted, how he would taste Damian, how it would feel to cling to him and _want_. 

The kiss ended far too soon for Damian's taste and he squeezed his hand against Grayson's own, letting out a little disappointed sound that had Dick smiling as he pecked his lips again. 

"Gotta leave you wanting, don't I?”

Damian reached up with his free hand, snagged Dick behind the neck and dragged him back down, their lips meeting again and he sighed into it, a fire burning down his spine from the contact. He held the power now: the ability to free or keep Grayson. Even with Titus sitting on him, _he_ was in control. A shudder ripped through him and he actually moaned into the kiss, only letting him go then. 

Dick stared down at him, surprise clear in his eyes, his pupils blown enough that Damian _knew_ what he'd done to him, and he gave him his sweetest smile. "No. _I_ need to leave _you_ wanting."


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "輪郭 (Rinkaku)" by Dir en grey

Damian dragged himself out from under the Batmobile. Reaching down, he yanked the small hand towel from his jeans pocket, using it to wipe the black smudges from his hands. Using the edge of it to get up under his nails, he took a step back and surveyed the piles of tools on the floor. 

He'd made a mess with the tools, but he was pretty sure he had managed to fix the issues that had prevented them from using the vehicle for the past few nights. Bruce simply hadn't had time and Dick had been out of town. With Tim off in Boston for something or other, it had left Jason or Damian and there was no way he was going to concede to Jason on this without at least trying himself. 

Tucking the edge of the cloth back into his pocket, he maneuvered his way around the mess of tools on the floor, fishing the keys from his pocket and slipping into the driver's seat. He brought the car to life beneath his touch and listened to the engine, the rumble of it sounding much more like it should have and less like the horror show it had been.

Stepping out, he knelt and looked under the car, seeing nothing leaking on the ground and he called it a victory. He'd let Jason know to come by and make sure nothing was going on with it just to make sure, but he figured he'd actually accomplished fixing it up.

Cutting the engine, he shut the door and walked over to dump the keys on the computer desk, hitting the spacebar on the keyboard to stop the music he'd cranked up for the time being. With a yawn, he did a quick job of washing up before heading out of the cave and up to his bedroom.

-

Damian dropped down onto his chair, lifting the lid to his laptop and quickly signing in. He gave it a minute to come to life completely and then brought up his encrypted session and his browser window. Tucking his leg up under himself, he settled in, knowing exactly what he wanted from tonight's session.

He checked his messages quickly, one girl having messaged him, asking if he'd ever found the video he'd posted about a few weeks ago. He fished the link up, sent it off to her and then closed the window, satisfied there was nothing overly exciting waiting for him there. 

Bringing up his carefully sorted folders, he opened the one he'd never managed to get himself truly excited over given it had been when he'd found out just who leapoffaith was. Now, with his headphones plugged in, one tucked in his ear, he launched the video player and started up the video for the first time since then. It began playing and he watched as Dick's horrid blue boxers appeared. 

He'd meant to ask about them, to tell Dick just how gaudy they were, but he really couldn't bring himself to even mention it. It was an odd little world between them with the videos. They talked about it on the site and would allude to it in one another's presence, but they couldn't fully breach the subject in the way Damian truly wanted to. Some part of him wanted to gush over the lighting of certain videos, the time it must have taken to fade out his scars, to keep the recognizable pieces out of the videos. He wanted to tell him how elegant and _beautiful_ he truly was and that he wanted so badly to reconcile that part of Dick with the rest of him.

The truth was, he was afraid to bring it up. He knew Dick was keeping them at a slow burn for a reason, especially since he'd admitted how many problems he had with his own sexual being. Really, he didn't blame him for doing it. If he'd been in the opposite position, he realized that it made the most logical sense and he probably wouldn't have chosen any different path from the one Dick had.

There was a gasp in his ear and he refocused on the screen, watching with rapt attention as Dick fingered himself inside his boxers. The camera jostled and Damian saw the Haley's circus shirt, watched as the camera settled and Dick's thighs spread wider, his hips arched and then he was _thrusting_ into himself, wanton little whimpers falling from his mouth. 

A quiet inhale of, " _Feels... so good_ ," and Damian had to push his fist against his mouth to stifle his own moan. Heat burned from his core, radiating outward and he dropped his hands to his jeans, quickly starting to unfasten them. The sound of the zipper was loud in the otherwise quiet room and he sucked his lower lip into his mouth, fighting down a shiver as he got his hand around his cock, carefully pulled himself from his jeans and briefs and began to stroke.

Onscreen, Dick started rocking his hips in time with what he was obviously doing to himself and he heard another desperate-sounding cry leave Dick's lips. Again, a responding sound fought Damian's throat, wanted out so badly it was killing him to hold it back. His own hips bucked and he moved his hand faster, his bicep burning from the quick movement, from the sound of his fist hitting his pants on every downward stroke.

Dick's other hand slid into his boxers and he started to frantically jack off, the sound of it _obscene_. It left Damian struggling not to start humping the air, left him desperately wanting to know what it felt like to put his cock _in_ something. Images of the toys he knew existed floated in his mind and then the image of Dick, spread out beneath him, Damian's cock slowly penetrating him shoved him into a panting frenzy. 

Air rushed into his lungs as he strained up from the chair, the wood creaking, his hand moving faster than he was sure he had _ever_ done in his life. 

Onscreen Dick started to cum, thick pulses of it seeping through the bright blue fabric and Damian couldn't stand it another second. Everything about the moment was _perfect_ : Dick jizzing his own boxers, fingering himself. Damian imagined how he was clenching around his own fingers, how his body was gripping as he shot his load and Damian half-surged up from the chair, his hand thumping on the wood, the other frantically moving over his aching length.

Tipping his head back, he whispered, " _Grayson_ ," as he started to cum. The first pulse of his orgasm slammed into him and he choked back the moan that wanted out, shuddered hard enough the chair almost slipped out from under him, and he _felt_ the cum start to spurt from his cock; hypersensitive in a way he normally wasn't.

"Damian, I-"

Damian stumbled, turned most of the way toward the door before he could rationally _think_ about that decision, his hand gripping his cock so tightly it should have hurt. 

Dick stood frozen in the doorway, his lips parted as if he had been about to say something more and had simply forgotten how to speak - or even _breathe_ , judging by how utterly still he was.

Cum spilled over Damian's knuckles and he nearly bent over at how hard he was cumming, the most aroused little noise leaving him as he finally started to try to get his clothing put back together. It felt like an eternity even though he knew it had only been a few seconds, at the most. Tugging his jeans back into place, he felt his cock give a few more spurts right as he pulled them up to cover himself. Another warm pulse of cum shot over his hip as he yanked the zipper up and struggled with getting his shirt pulled down over it all, awkwardly trying to figure out what to do with his cum-covered hand.

There were a few seconds of them both just standing there and then Dick stepped all the way into the room, closing the door behind himself, and he plucked a few tissues from the box at the end of the bed, holding them out for Damian. His cheeks were lightly flushed and Damian fought down the urge to try to drag them headfirst into their first physical sexual experience with one another. 

He took the tissues and quickly wiped his hand, the streak across the front of his jeans, and then he tossed them, finally turning back to the laptop, about to shut the screen when Dick spoke up.

"Leave it. I mean... it's not like I don't know what was happening, right?"

Damian hesitated, his hand in the air over the lid for a moment and then he just abandoned it, instead sliding his shoe over the most obvious splash of cum on the carpet, trying to get rid of it. His face was hot but he knew it wouldn't truly show just as much as he knew Dick would know how embarrassed he was.

He heard his bed springs, glanced up to watch as Dick settled himself on the bed, right up against the wall, his sock-clad feet pulled up on the bed, one resting on the sheets, the other leg curled up under him. Dick's fingers plucked somewhat nervously at the comforter, finally settling with some of the material between his fingers. "I'm... uh," there was a hitch of breath and then, "can I be blunt?"

Damian slowly sank back down in his chair, wincing a little at the dampness in his jeans, tugging his shirt down like he could still be seen through the fabric. "I would prefer it."

"I don't think I've ever gotten that turned on that fast." Dick let out a quiet laugh, his head tipping back against the wall. "I mean I know you've been watching me for what seems like forever and it's always sort of gotten me going. But _seeing_ you watching me?" The hitch in Grayson's breath left an embarrassed little smile on Damian's lips. "I could almost... _right now_."

Arousal flamed up inside Damian again as if he'd had a torch lit under him and he hunched over more, his forearms on his thighs as he stared at the sheets at Grayson's feet. "I hadn't watched that one since I found out." His hands found one another, started a nervous little game of tug. "Got excited."

The bed springs shifted again and then Grayson was kneeling in front of him and Damian could _see_ the bulge of his cock in his pants, knew he wasn't lying about how turned on he was. "You realize you're _supposed_ to be excited, right?"

Damian huffed. " _Please_ , Grayson. I am not that ignorant."

"Oh, _I'm aware_." Dick's hands came to rest on Damian's thighs, his knees settling against the carpet, and all Damian could think about was how he could see the outline of Dick's cock, of how hard he had to be in order to press that solidly against his pants. He didn't dare bring it up, didn't want the view taken away from him if Dick somehow got self-conscious about it.

Dick's fingertips pressed gently, his thumbs lightly massaging and it took everything Damian had not to lean back, not to push his hips up, not to _beg_ for what he knew he wasn't supposed to have yet. But _God_ how he wanted it.

"I never imagined I'd ever get to walk in on you. And that it's _my_ video?" Grayson let out a little groan and then he was even closer, pressed between Damian's thighs and his hand caught the hair at the base of his skull and then Dick's lips were _all_ Damian could think about. Lips and tongue and _passion_.

His hands lifted and caught on Dick's sleeves, clung to the fabric as he met him move for move; tongues slicked along one another, gasps and sighs melding together until Damian was certain this was never going to be enough ever again. He was so hard he was throbbing again and he _knew_ Dick was the same. 

Their lips parted, saliva clinging for an instant, and Damian took a chance he normally wouldn't have, spoke words he'd whispered in his mind over and over for years. "Grayson... _I want you_."

" _Shit_ , I want you too." Dick reached for him again, hauled him down into another kiss, this one burning Damian up from the inside out, and then Dick was grasping his thighs, fingers squeezing tighter than Damian was sure he meant to, and he was panting against his mouth. "I could... oh _fuck_ , I could-"

Damian lifted his hands to frame Dick's face, holding him so carefully as he whispered against his lips, "Then do it. _Cum for me_."

Dick choked out a sharp little cry and then he was shaking, his hips bucking and Damian shifted enough to watch the dark stain blossom over his jeans. He could _see_ the twitch of his cock in his jeans and he imagined feeling it, imagined _causing it_ , and he couldn't stop the words from leaving his mouth. "Promise me one day you will let me touch you. _Please, Grayson. Please_."

Gasping, Dick surged up toward him, got his arms around him and buried his face against Damian's shoulder, clearly _still_ cumming, but wanting to offer him some form of answer. He felt the next few jerks of Dick's hips, felt rather than heard his groan as he finished, and then Dick's hands were on his back, comforting in their presence. "I would never deny you."

Ducking his head, Damian closed his eyes and just held Dick, fighting down his desire to lose himself a second time for what he really wanted to be doing, which was holding Dick Grayson in the aftermath of him _having jizzed his pants_. Right there, right in Damian's room, _because_ of him.

There was nothing in the world more perfect than this. Of that, Damian was certain.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Scarlet" by In This Moment

Damian's practice sword clacked hard against Dick's escrima, barely blocking the blow at the last second. He'd taken a risk, pulled himself out of a position that would have left him dead to rights and threw himself across the mat, rolling out of the way of the first blow and taking the second on his sword. Dick pressed in closer, just like Damian had banked on, and Damian's legs shot out. He wrapped his legs around Grayson's left ankle and yanked forcefully, watched him start to take the fall, using the distraction to get to his feet. 

One unblocked thrust of his sword and Dick went down like he would have if he'd actually been struck, let out the cry that he would have, and Damian used it to mask his movement, shoved his foot against his back and brought him to meet the mat, face-first. He went down with him, his leg locking around Dick's left calf, his body weight holding him down, forearm braced against his back. The tip of his sword touched the spot at the base of Grayson's skull where if it were a real sword and he pushed Dick would be history.

He gave Dick the same courtesy that was always extended to him, the ability to think his way out if he could, let the clock tick into what felt like oblivion.

Dick's every breath shifted them and Damian's thoughts wandered, his gaze sliding over the lithe body pinned beneath his own. Before he could stop himself, he pressed more solidly against him, let his weight rest on him just to feel how it _might_ be. His imagination supplied the images, showed him the beauty of Dick's body beneath his own, showed him how he was in _just_ the right position to mimic something he truly wanted to do with Grayson. 

His body started to respond to the barrage of thoughts, his cock starting to harden in his workout pants, his breath starting to come in quicker. 

Finally, Grayson sighed. "I give... can't find a way out of this one that wouldn't potentially kill me in the process, assuming you hadn't killed me yet. The best bet would be just to stay still and hope you needed information instead of a corpse."

Damian had to pry himself away from Dick in order to let him up. He'd normally have taken the chance to gloat, to tell Dick he'd finally won, but he couldn't find a way to say anything that wouldn't sound like he was one hundred percent as desperate as he truly was.

The urge to bail on the rest of their sparring session was there, the desperate need to hide how he'd reacted swelling inside him, but he resisted it. Instead, he held his hand out, helped Dick up from the mats. He let go and stood there, the tip of his practice sword digging into the mats, some of his weight resting on it as he took in each measured breath, trying to calm himself down despite how hard he was, how _obvious_ it was in his leggings.

Dick's cologne teased his senses, stronger than it had been a few seconds before, and then he was being pulled against his chest. Dick's hands came to rest on his cheeks, thumbs gentle against his skin, his touch _so tender_ that Damian couldn't stop his shiver. He let the sword go, distantly heard it drop to the floor at their feet.

When their lips met, Damian couldn't help but moan into it, even with how slow and calm it was, he still felt a surge of arousal tantamount to having opened one of his favorite videos. It took everything in him to not try to get more out of this than he was supposed to, to not give in to the urges building inside of him. His tongue slicked against Grayson's lips, his moan getting lost in Dick's mouth as he parted for him, allowed him in. Damian's hands grasped at Dick's tank top, fingers tightening in the material. He pressed harder into the kiss, letting himself get carried away this one time. 

He knew his own sense of shame would stop him before they could get too far, his own fears about other people walking in on them. But then Dick's hands were on his ass and Damian's hips jerked before he could stop them, his cock pushing right up against Dick's body and his mouth left Dick's, a startled cry of pleasure leaving his cheeks burning. Ducking his head, he pressed his forehead to Dick's shoulder, fought down the trembles that threatened their way out, instantly more turned on than he'd ever felt.

The images of his every fantasy involving Dick swirled in his mind, taunting him with the desperate need for completion, whispering to him that he could have it all if he played his cards right. His cock flexed and he felt the slightest spill of precum. It was that alone that jerked him back from Dick, that reminded him to be ashamed and embarrassed that he was reacting so aggressively over _a kiss_. 

His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. He made every single effort not to bolt like he used to. Instead, he nervously pushed his palms against his thighs, trying to decide just how to tell Grayson why he was losing it. The truth came to him first and foremost and he debated it for a moment before deciding it was the best course of action, his entire posture radiating the defeat of it.

"I _uh_ ," his hand lifted to nervously push back through his hair and he met Dick's gaze for half a second before turning away. "I need a minute."

Breath caught in his throat, he barely made it a step before Dick's hand was on his shoulder, fingertips squeezing lightly. "I need you to know it's okay that you're turned on." Dick removed his hand and Damian heard him shifting slightly on the mat. "I am, too."

Swallowing, Damian gave a nod. "I know. I just," there was a second of hesitation before he could continue, "I do not have enough control over myself."

He could feel Dick behind him, how much closer he was when he finished speaking, felt his body heat. "Why do you think you need it with me? Sometimes... it's okay to lose control."

Damian felt the white hot desire burn brighter inside him and he pushed his tongue against his teeth, clenching them for a moment before he could respond. "I wish to know what I am doing before I let go."

Dick's hand ghosted over his back as he moved past him, walking to the side of the mats and unhooking his escrima holder, placing it on the bench there. He glanced back at Damian, his eyes burning with something Damian wanted to become intimately familiar with. "You've always learned best by doing." There was a hint of a smile before he turned away and Damian felt his breath stick in his throat at the implication of what Dick was telling him to do.

He watched Dick leave, got his legs in gear and made his way to the showers, quietly undressing and stepping into one of the stalls. He didn't need to get off, knew his mind would negate it anyway within seconds of having any contact with Dick again anyway. Instead his mind flitted over all the things he wasn't sure if Dick actually _knew_. 

Did he actually understand _how_ Damian wanted him? Would he be accepting of it or would they be relegated to other acts in lieu of what his body actually burned for? 

While most people he'd spoken with online had indicated how much they wanted to be sucked off, it wasn't really _that_ part that interested Damian. Sure, he would enjoy doing it for Dick, wouldn't turn him down to have it done for himself, but if he were honest, he wanted to have actual intercourse. The mere _idea_ of having his cock buried inside Grayson's body could make him hard in a matter of seconds, even without the full blown fantasy of it. 

His heart thudded in his chest and he sucked hard on his tongue, closing his eyes long enough wash the suds from his hair. Slicking out the water, he turned off the shower and stepped out, wrapping a towel around himself and doing his best to pry himself out of his own mind. 

There was really only one way to proceed and that was to admit to Grayson what he wanted.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "If You Only Knew" by OLIVIA

Damian's fingers tightened on his book. The words on the pages were blurring together and he was pretty sure he'd re-read the same sentence at least three times now. The issue wasn't the book, not at all; it was one of the most interesting books he'd read in a while. More it was the fact that he was tired and _distracted_.

Most people wouldn't have considered historical texts particularly interesting fare for a day where he could read anything he wanted to, but he was enjoying the Grecian anthology he'd picked up a few weeks earlier at an estate sale he'd gone to with Alfred. There had been some _reason_ for it, something they needed to replace in the manor and given the similarity of the home, Alfred had hoped to find it. 

Damian had spent his time wandering the entire library, picking out dozens of books for himself and for Jason, had spent well over two hundred dollars on the assortment, but he thought it had been worth it. 

Rolling over, he pushed his hips against the bed, stuffed his face into the pillow to muffle the quiet little groan. Ever since he'd shared the kiss with Dick on the practice mats, all Damian could think about was _him_. It was like a constant, flaming need tucked somewhere deep in his belly; an itch he couldn't quite scratch by himself, try as he might. 

He'd come so close to admitting it to Dick, just telling him right to his face that his concentration was failing in every other way because of it. He found his mind drifting, even on patrol, and he knew it was getting to the point where it was becoming dangerous for him and for whomever else he was out with on those days. Honestly, it was bad enough that he'd started a routine of ensuring he got off as close to patrol time as he could manage just to remove the threat of something worse happening because his mental focus slipped. 

Some nights even _that_ didn't help.

Damian abandoned his book to the side, his hands grabbing the sheets as he spread his legs and started to grind against the mattress. It'd been too long since he'd tried to get off this way and the excitement of it gripped him, urging him to thrust against the bed until the springs were protesting his movement. His mouth pressed against the pillow, lips parted just enough to pull some faint amount of air in.

Fantasy picked up where reality stopped, showed him Dick on his belly beneath him, showed him his own hands holding Dick's down against the bed as he took him as hard as he could.

Gasping, Damian stopped, turning his head and pressing his heated cheek to the pillowcase, staring vacantly at the gray wall. He had the urge to keep going, to just throw his caution about cumming in his clothing to the wind and just let it happen. 

Rolling onto his side, Damian pushed his hand down between his legs, cupped his cock, his thumb rubbing over the head through his jeans, exciting him until the bed was creaking again as he humped toward his own hand. 

Tipping his head back, he whimpered out a quiet, "Just... _want you_." Squeezing his eyes shut, he formed his fingers around his cock and did his best to jerk off through the material, his hips rocking until he gasped out Dick's name, stopping at the last possible second.

His cock was so hard it was almost painful, his desire to cum so strong he wasn't sure he could ignore it. 

Swallowing thickly, he moved his hand to his pocket, pulling out his phone and thumbing it open, staring down at a new message from Dick. _What're you up to?_ It was so achingly open-ended that Damian could have told him he was jerking off, that he was mindlessly rutting his sheets in some desperate bid to make his brain think he was getting what it wanted.

It took him a minute before he returned what was really only the truth, though he wasn't sure Dick would understand fully. _The usual. Can I ask you something personal?_

The little dots appeared telling him Dick was typing and then a new message appeared. 

_Of course. You can ask me anything you want._

Damian's cock strained against the front of his pants, his hips pitching forward to give him a little more stimulation.

 _Have you ever gotten off thinking about me?_ His hand hesitated on the 'Send' button, his hand trembling just the slightest before he tapped the screen and the message sent. He shivered, biting down on his lower lip. When he released it, he whispered, "Shit," to the air, wondering if he'd just crossed some invisible line between what they talked about on the forum and what they talked about on their phone. In a lot of ways, it was like leading two different lives, one where he felt free to express himself sexually and another where he was terrified of consequences he knew didn't really exist. 

Dick's message appeared and Damian took a deep breath before reading it.

_I have eyeballs, so... yes. Do I even need to ask if you do?_

Intense relief spiraled through him, a certain tightness in his gut releasing itself. _Of course I do. Sometimes you are all I can think about._

_Can I ask you something?_

Damian rolled over onto his stomach, his legs spreading as he began to rut the sheets again, his thumbs typing out his message. _You may._

_Do you think I don't want you? Because I do..._

Shoving his face against the pillow, Damian jerked his hips hard, letting his mind think about the fact that Dick wanted him bad enough to get off while thinking about him. His cock throbbed and he had to pull himself to a complete stop, tensed and on the verge of cumming, his hands gripping the phone perhaps too tightly. The plastic creaked and he eased up, tucking his chin so he could see the screen, trying to type out his reply with shaky hands. 

_Tell me..._ It was the closest he could get to asking Dick to give him a scenario that he could get off to himself. His thighs burned with pleasure and he dropped his phone on the bed, shoving his hands down and arching his hips up so he could unbutton and unzip his pants, freeing his cock from his underwear and then pressing it against the warm sheets with a quiet groan. 

_The last time, I thought about you giving me a bj. How warm your mouth would be, how I could help guide you if you haven't done it before._

Damian stared at the words, let it sink in that Dick had touched himself thinking about Damian sucking him off, that he'd cum while thinking of it happening in Damian's mouth. His hands grabbed the sheets again and he gave in, too aroused to do anything more than just let things happen how they were going to. His hips jerked a half dozen times and then he was muffling his moans in his pillow, his cock throbbing as he came, his thoughts centering around giving Grayson what he wanted, thinking of the feeling of his cock on his tongue, the taste of his cum, and he _whined_ Grayson's name . The head of his cock pushed through the warmth of his cum until he couldn't take the stimulation anymore and he rolled onto his side, snatched up his phone and gave Dick his final confession for the day: _You will be the first._

Pushing himself up, Damian went to his bathroom, got a damp cloth and came back with it to mop up the sheets. Alfred had just changed them this morning and he was certain he didn't want to have to do it again so soon. While he'd gotten a bit less antsy about it, he still wasn't a fan of leaving it where someone else had to clean it up.

Tossing the cloth in the bin, he eased down on the bed, closed his eyes, and told himself he'd deal with whatever else came up _later_. Right then, he was just going to bask in the knowledge that Dick had cum thinking about him.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Dragula" by Rob Zombie

Damian stared out the window as the trees slipped past on either side of the car. Soon they would be leaving the little wooded part of their drive and turn out onto the main road, heading for Dick's apartment. As much as Damian loved the drive, he was impatient about it today. For one, Dick had shown up twenty minutes ahead of schedule and while he hadn't exactly _caught_ Damian's pre-gaming night activity, he had interrupted it. The knock on his door and Dick's sprightly calling of his name had warned him enough that he'd gotten himself covered up, his computer logged out, and managed to look mostly innocent as he shoved what he needed in order to stay the night into his bag.

All the same, it had left him with a hell of a hard-on to deal with. Even taking a piss before he left had only eased a small fraction of it and he'd gone right back to full hardness the instant he'd gotten his pants zipped up. Now, he just sat - somewhat awkwardly - in Dick's car, doing his best not to be overwhelmingly obvious about it, yet he was so mentally aroused that it was proving difficult to think of anything that wasn't sex. Things had gotten so bad with how often he thought about sex that he'd done research just to see if he actually did have a problem he should look into. The internet had been helpful, telling him that for his age group that sometimes both men and women could barely contain their desire to masturbate several times per day. He figured the fact that he usually limited himself to once, maybe twice, meant he was coming out ahead on that game and he'd left it at that. 

Still, it was frustrating. He constantly yearned for things he couldn't have, got off so much sometimes that he should have been running on empty. Even after getting himself off _twice_ last night, he still was revving to go just as badly as always and some nagging little part of his mind told him it was because he wanted to _have sex_ , not jack off for the millionth time, no matter how many inventive ways he had of doing just that.

His hands slid over his thighs and he gripped his jeans at the knees and tugged, pushing his hips up enough to get the material down, giving him a bit more room in the crotch-region for his _very_ erect cock. Settling, he drummed his fingers on his thigh, focused on flexing it for a moment before trying to ease the muscles completely, hoping he could get it to go down just a little by relaxing. 

The woods gave way to the outskirts of Gotham and Damian's fingers started to rub instead of tap against his thigh. His touches grew higher and higher until he was having a really hard time not reaching to grab himself. His hand grasped his thigh harder than he meant to and he bit back a yelp, his hips arching a little with the threat of pain. His head hit the headrest and he heard Dick's little exhalation of breath.

" _Damn_." 

His head rolled to the side, eyelids opening so he could study Dick.

"What's got you all riled up, hmm?" Dick cast a pointed look at Damian's crotch and then focused on the road again, leaving Damian squirming in his seat.

"I uh," Damian trailed off, hands fisting against his thighs, his cock flexing hard enough in his pants that his thighs trembled. "I just want to get off."

Dick made a throaty little sound, silent just long enough Damian thought they were done talking. "Then do it." There was a quality to his voice that spoke of deep arousal and it sent its little tendrils spiraling through Damian's body, further arousing him.

Damian's hips jerked and he tipped his head back to gasp in a breath. "Want _so much_ ," he managed before his fingers were unfastening his pants, easing the belt and button and zipper undone. His cock _throbbed_ and Damian couldn't do a thing to calm the level of his excitement at the mere idea of Dick letting him cum _right in front of him_. 

Fire burned inside of him and he gave into it faster than he would have imagined he would. He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his briefs and he dragged the whole mess of clothing down to just under the swell of his ass, slipping his fingers around to the front, freeing his cock. 

The instant he did, he heard Dick gasp and then _moan_. The sound was completely unrestrained and Damian lived for it, for the fact that Dick so obviously wanted to see him like this, so aroused he could barely contain himself, so desperate to cum that he was willing to do it in a moving vehicle on the way to Dick's apartment. 

Excitement sparked through him, guiding his hand to his cock. He wrapped his hand around it, his thumb pressing against the damp slit for a moment before he started to stroke, letting his head fall back as he released a moan. He was actually as loud as he had always wanted to be, his hips flexing up as he started to stroke, letting out every gasp and whimper he'd ever held back, his free hand gripping the plastic door handle so hard he was surprised it wasn't threatening to break. 

His hips started to rock in time with the strokes of his fist up and down his cock, his lips parting, drawing in much needed air. " _Grayson_."

"Oh God, _Damian_." The words were so aroused that Damian didn't know what to truly think about it. He let his head loll to the side, studied Dick's profile, all the way down to the fact that he had his hand firmly pressed against his crotch. 

"Show me," Damian gasped out, "Show me how aroused you are because of me."

Dick's hand fumbled a bit at first, but he got his own jeans open, hooked his thumb into yet another hideous pair of boxers - and Damian made a mental note to get him some better ones - and then he was baring himself and Damian forgot all about the boxers. This was Dick's hard cock, right there, so close to his own, and he could _feel_ his balls going tight just from seeing it.

His hand moved faster until he was panting for his breath, until every other breath was a noise, a whine, a whimper, a moan or a gasp of pleasure. His hips canted forward and he threw back his head, his belly tightening the last bit and then he was losing it, thick spurts of cum splashing over his fist. "Grayson I- I'm-!"

" _Damian_!"

Somewhere through the fog of pure bliss spreading through his spasming body, Damian could hear Dick jerking off, the frantic sound of his hand hitting the fabric of his jeans as he stroked off faster than Damian thought anyone capable of. 

He forced himself to focus, settled his hips down against the seat again and blinked himself through the sheen of moisture over his eyes until he could actually watch Dick. He watched the way he was gripping the steering wheel like it was his lifeline, the way his hand pumped frantically over his cock, clearly just as aroused as Damian had been. 

Dick nearly sobbed out, " _Oh, shit_ ," and then his hand was gripping harder, giving sharp little jerks that Damian was intimately familiar with from all the videos, and he couldn't stop his own reply of, "Please... please cum." Dick gasped and then cum was spurting up over his fist, raining down onto the leg of his jeans, and Damian had to grip the door handle harder not to come right across the console to help him.

There was a minute or so of silence after Dick came, just the pair of them breathing heavily and then the sound of Damian using a tissue from his pocket to clean himself up and the jingle of his belt as he put himself away. Somewhat awkwardly, he held up the tissue and offered a quiet, "Uh, it is not much, but?"

Dick let out an airy sort of laugh, shaking his head, and a second later Damian was _whining_ as Dick set to licking his own cum off his own hand, as if he hadn't a care in the world about the action. Then that gaze turned on him and Damian _knew_ he'd done it on purpose, had wanted to see Damian's reaction, and he let his cheeks heat up as Dick's wicked little smirk grew, his attention returning to the road. 

"If you were wondering... I taste pretty damn good."

There was no doubt about it, Dick Grayson was going to be the death of him, one way or the other.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Aleph" by Disparition  
> [Dick's sleeve](http://bad-dragon.com/products/Janine) \- in Arctic Ice

As much as Damian had enjoyed getting as far as he had with Dick, they still hadn't gotten any further than that. Sure, they'd spent some portion of the morning after their little car adventure on Dick's couch, Dick leaning over him, kissing him like his life depended on it, but they hadn't gone _further_ than that. No matter that Damian was aching in his sleep pants, no matter that Dick had excused himself to the restroom afterward; things just didn't progress.

To some degree, Damian understood it was because _he_ had to be the one to move them forward. The truth was, he was still sort of afraid of the myriad of options: Would he be too fast? Too rough? Would Dick hate the idea of what Damian really wanted to do? Would Damian have to admit he _didn't_ want anything inside of him? The prospect of having to turn Dick down for something scared the bejesus out of him and he knew that was a lot of the reason why he didn't push things forward himself.

Damian pulled his leg up, heel resting on the edge of the Batcomputer chair, watching the screens. He'd dislocated his shoulder pretty bad the night before and with how stiff it was, he just hadn't felt like he was the right choice to go out on patrol with Bruce. Pride that had once kept him from behaving rationally now acted as a buffer between him and doing stupid things that put lives at risk in the field. He'd watched his partners come so close to dying, remembered reckless nights from his teens that left Jon aching in the dirt, that left the other Titans gasping for air and he'd known they were counting the breaths until they died. Those things had kept him up at night until he'd found a way past his own arrogance, so long ago. 

Resting his cheek on his knee, Damian shifted the camera feeds on the current alleyway stakeout and then reached for his phone. A quick glance and he unlocked it by feel alone, tapped open the messenger app and opened the first thread, glancing down just to make sure it was definitely Dick's thread. When he was certain, he looked back up at the computer screens, keeping his eyes on that instead as he set to tapping out his message, a little smirk on his face.

He knew it was late enough Dick was probably back inside from his patrol, the only reason Bruce wasn't yet was the stakeout, so he figured he'd get the message pretty quickly. 

Twice he created messages and then erased them, desperately trying to find a way to tell Grayson what his eventual aim with their sex life was. The first was too crass, a simple _I want to fuck you_ not really getting the point across like he wanted it to. The second was too sterile, something Grayson would probably laugh about instead of take seriously. _I feel the need to tell you now instead of springing this on you at a later date; I wish to be the aggressor during intercourse with you._

That one even made him blanche and he erased it quickly enough. His fingers stilled for a long time and then, finally, he decided on admitting it slowly rather than blindsiding Dick with his desires up front like this.

_You know those sex toys for men? The ones you put your dick in? I've always wondered what that would feel like._

He sent it before he could back out of it, a little flush creeping up his neck as he did. Tucking his phone under his thigh, he settled fully on watching the screen, his arms locked around his thigh for the time being. 

He'd been sending Dick risky texts for a while now, enjoying bridging the gap between what they said on the forum and what they said outside of it. It wasn't like it was any big secret that the pair of them were up to something; Damian knew from the way Bruce looked at him and then at Grayson one night after they'd all patrolled together that he understood things had changed between them. He hadn't said a thing and Damian had appreciated that in more ways that his father possibly could have fathomed, though he almost wished they'd been asked so he could say it. 

Some days he wanted to tell the world he was the reason Dick Grayson was off the market, that _he_ was the one who would eventually make Dick moan in the dead of the night, who would save his ass and then pull every cliché move in the book and kiss him under some Gotham streetlamp or atop the highest buildings in Blüdhaven. That Dick would do the same for him. Damian switched the feeds again and settled on his new angle until his phone buzzed under his thigh. Pulling it free, he glanced down, unlocking the screen and pulling up the notification from Dick.

_It feels awesome. Not gonna lie, you cum pretty fast though. It's intense._

Fire lit in Damian's belly and this time he shifted in his seat for an entirely different reason. Something about telling Grayson these sorts of things got his engine going faster than nearly anything else did. He tipped his head back, his tongue peeking out and easing along his lower lip as he reached down to grope himself. He only allowed it to go on for a few seconds before he pushed his phone back under his thigh and settled his gaze back on the screens. 

Sure, he could get by with it - jerk off right here while watching the screen. But the truth was, he didn't much feel like someone stumbling over the video feed of it later and having to confront him about doing his job, especially given the only people who went over the video feeds were the two people he least wanted to hold such a discussion with. Not that it would be a good discussion no matter who it was, but having his father or Alfred have to talk to him about appropriate places and times was not something he wanted to do.

Another twenty minutes had Bruce and Duke launching themselves into whatever the hell they needed to do, far beyond the view of the cameras. Damian plucked up his phone with one hand, tapping the audio feed to their comms up higher in his ear. They couldn't hear him without him opening the line, but Duke tended to leave his on all the time, so it was never really a surprise when Damian could hear what was happening.

Unlocking the screen, he stared down at Dick's text for a while, finally responding. _Should show me sometime._ He hesitated for almost a full minute before hitting send and then turning his phone upside down on his leg. His heart was speeding in his chest and he felt on the verge of shivering. The vague thought that perhaps this was how an adrenaline junky felt when falling off a building the way he did every single night knocked around in his mind until his phone buzzed again.

He swallowed hard, picking it up and peering at the screen, the image of a downloaded photo of an interestingly shaped pocket pussy, clearly from the website it'd come from. Damian tipped his head as he stared at it, deliberated seeing Dick fucking it, and smiled to himself. There was one thing he'd never get tired of and that was watching Dick get himself off. 

Another text came in and Damian felt his skin heat from the wording.

_Check our private place in an hour._

Damian sent back a little yellow heart emoji and then deleted the texts, rolling forward and opening his line. "Are you going to need backup?"

The line crackled and then Bruce's deep voice came across the line. "No one here." Which meant they were looking for evidence. 

"I am going to bed then." 

Duke's quiet, "Night," came across the line and Damian tapped the line open once more to return the sentiment, removing his earpiece and locking up the computers.

\--

He spent the hour cleaning up his art workspace, taking a shower, and reading a few pages of the novel he'd been working his way through for nearly a month now. Finally, Damian locked the door and settled himself on his favorite chair, opening his laptop and bringing up his protected session and his private browser window.

To a degree it amused him he was still sneaking around to do this, was pretty sure everyone who could potentially look at his internet traffic would completely understand why he had porn in it. On the other hand, he didn't want to traumatize anyone who might see it by showing them exactly what he was into. 

He signed into their usual forum and frowned a little when there was no flashing number. A second later, he heard the soft _plink_ of an incoming message and he pulled it up, already feeling a rush of arousal knowing that Dick had waited around for him. 

_Just finished uploading it for you._

A link followed the message and Damian eagerly clicked it, entering their usual pass code and starting the download. 

_Should tell me when you start getting into it._

Damian huffed out a little laugh, shaking his head. _I am always into it when you send me these._

_Trying to tell ya I'm still horny as shit and I want to get off knowing you're watching me do it._

The message shot straight to his groin and Damian shifted, grabbing his sleep pants and tugging them down until they were at mid-thigh, settling back on the chair and shifting his windows around so he had the video on one side and the forum on the other. He slipped his earbud into his ear and made sure it was plugged in before hitting play, clicking back into the forum window and quickly typing. _Starting it now._

He watched as Grayson settled on the edge of his windowsill, one leg up and the other resting on the floor. The moonlight streamed in from behind him, the camera clearly on the dresser on the other side of the room, zoomed in quite a bit and Damian held a moment of silent thanks to whoever had designed that model with a 10x optical zoom. His hips rocked slowly as he watched Dick slowly finger the aqua-colored toy, two fingers slowly sliding in and out of it before he used the lubricant from it on his cock, holding himself steady. 

The sheath slid down over his cock and Damian heard him moan, the sound rough, desperate already, which was unusual for Grayson. His fingers tapped away at the keys without ever taking his eyes off the video.

_You're so turned on already._

_Still am._

_Shit._

Damian's hips rocked again as Dick began to move the sheath, the slick sound of it moving up and down on his cock leaving Damian breathless. He allowed himself to imagine being there, kneeling at Grayson's feet, his own hands around the toy, using it on him as he watched his face, saw what he was doing to him.

Reaching down, he wrapped his hand around his own cock and started stroking at the same speed Grayson was jacking himself off at. His other hand grasped the edge of his seat, held on tight as he pushed his hips up, thrust up against his own hand, letting his thoughts shift to _him_ fucking the toy, his own cock thrusting into something that was made for it. He imagined the pleasure of the ridges he knew were inside, imagined the slick feeling of lubricant around his cock, the warmth as it changed to his own temperature around him. He thought of how tight his balls would get and just how quickly, watched Grayson's own pull up closer to his body in preparation and he managed to let go of himself long enough to type out a message.

_You are about to. I am so close._

_I need to see your cum when you're done. Please. **Please**._

Damian groaned, moving back to the video, watching Grayson's forearm flex, thick vein straining along the inside of his arm as he frantically jacked himself off. The toy was making _obscene_ sounds and Grayson wasn't keeping much quieter than that, a million moans and gasps leaving him, and then a strangled cry and he shoved the toy down hard, holding it there as he clearly came inside of it.

Damian let out a quiet whine as Dick got up, hoping he was going to do something to excite him just the last bit he needed, watched him come closer to the camera. And then he was showing the camera the toy's pussy, two fingers spreading it open to show his cum, dipping inside and coming back out slicked with his leavings and Damian _knew_ he wasn't going to cum unless he humped something this time. 

Shoving himself up, he let his pants fall to the floor, stepped out of them and hurriedly climbed on his bed. He yanked his towel from earlier down and quickly rolled it up, pushing his cock into the center of it. He rested one hand against the wall, his legs spreading, knees digging into the bed as he started to frantically jerk his hips. He did his best to hold the towel steady, closed his eyes and thought about the toy, about Grayson's cum inside of, about his own cum that would be inside the towel, and then about his own cum spurting deep inside Dick's body.

He choked on his own moan of Grayson's name, roughly shoved himself against the towel, giving up on all pretense and sinking down on the bed, hunched over and fucking into the rolled up towel until he was panting, until the bed was protesting. Only then did he cum, his head bowed and his every breath a near sob until his cock had finished pulsing.

It was an effort to push himself up and make his way back to the computer, but he managed. Unrolling the towel, he laid it out across his lap and picked up his phone, taking a picture of the cum-stained fabric, sending it to Dick's phone and then deleting it.

He clicked back on the forum and quickly typed out.

_Had to cum. Needed it so bad. Did you get it?_

The message was slow to come back, the three dots telling him Grayson was typing, but it seemed to take forever. Once it came in, he understood why immediately. _About to again._

Damian's hips gave an excited little rock and he bit at his lower lip, intently watching the screen until another link was posted a few minutes later. He clicked on it and it opened a tiny window, a shitty cell phone video coming up. He quickly shoved his earbud back in so he could hear.

Grayson arched up from his chair, the wood protesting the movement, and he gasped out, "Ah _shit_ , I'm gonna!" A few more quick strokes and then he was moaning, crying out pretty damn loudly as he started to cum. Spurt after spurt of his cum landed over the black tanktop he was wearing until he was empty, sagging back against the chair. The camera moved and then Damian could see both photos he'd ever sent Grayson of his cum stains up on the screen. "All for you."

The video cut and Damian squirmed a little, carefully folding up his towel and pushing it between his legs to hold it quickly typing out his reply.

_Holy fuck. That's spank material for sure._

_Ha! As if the rest aren't._

_You know it._ Damian hesitated and then typed out another message right behind the first. _All I can think about is getting to have you one day._

_Whenever you're ready... you know where to find me._

Damian's heart startled in his chest and he squirmed in his seat. He tapped out a quick, _See you tomorrow_ , and then signed out, shutting everything down and sitting back in his chair, his hands pushing over his face. 

He had permission to do what he wanted, to have Grayson whenever _he_ wanted it. The only thing holding him back now... was himself.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Damian's toy](http://bad-dragon.com/products/jt)

Damian trudged into his room, dropping his bag at the foot of his bed and tipping over the foot of it, his legs dangling off and his arms stretched up towards the top. His fingertips brushed cardboard and he leaned his head back, peering at the package that hadn't been here when he'd left. He tugged it closer and then lifted it, examining the fact that it had Grayson's name on it, his address, and had very clearly been opened and then re-taped. 

He pried up the tape as he rolled over onto his side, kicking his shoes off as he did. The packing tape gave way and Damian popped open the flaps, extracting the bubble wrap and the small glossy black bag from within. The words _Bad Dragon_ were emblazoned on the top of the bag in shining silver and he gently pressed at the package, feeling it give just a bit and then reform back to its original shape when he stopped pushing.

Pulling his pocket knife out, he slit the top of the bag and carefully opened it, tucking the knife back into the pocket of his black jeans. Peering into the bag, he gave an excited little noise. He extracted a small card first, reading that it was a diamond coloration of _JT_ , which Damian presumed was the model. The back of the card contained care instructions. 

Rooting in the box, he came up with a bottle of white-colored lubricant, a card advertising various other toys, and a hand-written note on a piece of paper, which Damian assumed had been tossed in by Dick.

_So I took your comment pretty literally, I hope that's not overstepping anything. I just really love their stuff; they're so careful about craftsmanship and how long something lasts, and are just a genuinely good company. I've never bought someone something like this before and I'm excited to know if you enjoy it or not. If you don't, it's okay, it's not for everyone!  
Have fun!_

Beneath it he'd signed it and Damian just stared at the note for a minute before carefully tucking it back in the box and unwrapping the lubricant and pulling the gorgeous sheath out of the black bag. The crystal white of it wasn't at all intimidating, didn't make him feel awkward like the flesh tones of the various things he'd seen people online use always did. It was something about the play of it being _real_ that genuinely creeped Damian out about them and was one reason why he had gone back to Dick's video several times already. The aqua color of his was so unintimidating... and now he had his own, a completely different model - significantly non-female looking - and he could have laughed at himself for how excited he already was.

Rolling onto his back, he sat up long enough to reach for the door, flick the lock closed, and then flopped back again, one-handedly unfastening his jeans. Pushing his briefs down, he freed his cock, gave it one good stroke and then grabbed the lube again. Squishing the opening so it would widen a bit, he tipped the bottle and drizzled some lubricant into it, closing the bottle and settling it against his side before taking a steadying breath.

He was truly excited already, his body humming with pleasure at the idea of _finally_ getting to fuck something that was meant to be fucked. His hips rocked and he grasped the base of his cock, holding himself still as he eased the toy down over his cock. 

He couldn't even _breathe_ it felt so good. Every single ridge, every smooth line of the inside pressed past his cock, gently tugging at him, gripping as he pushed into it. "Holy _shit_..."

Damian trembled as he braced both his feet on the bed, shifted both hands down to hold onto the toy and pulled it halfway up his cock. Closing his eyes, he imagined Grayson straddling him, imagined he was halfway inside his body and Dick was _begging_ him to fuck him. 

He thrust up into the toy, the sensation putting him on overload and he couldn't stop, couldn't even slow down. The bed creaked, the springs annoyed at how eager he was, and he knew anyone in the hallway would hear him, but that just didn't matter right then. All that mattered was chasing after his orgasm, holding onto this amazing feeling with everything he had.

His head fell back and it took everything he had not to let Dick's name leave his mouth as he started to cum. He plunged the toy back down onto his cock, held it tight up against him, in all the way to the hilt, and just _felt_. 

His hips rocked ever so slightly, the sensation of being balls-deep in something as he came hands down the best thing he'd ever had the pleasure of doing, and he just lay there, buried in it, pulsing cum for what felt like forever. When he finally stopped orgasming, he managed to pull the toy off, a strangled, startled sound leaving him at how sensitive he was. 

Rolling onto his side, he reached for his tissue box, did a quick job of cleaning his cock and then tucked the tissues by his side. Pressing two digits into the toy as Grayson had, he gasped at how warm it was, how it retained his body heat. His fingers pushed through the lubricant and cum, playing with it until he was starting to get hard again, his thighs burning with the rush of blood.

He pulled his fingers out, wiped them on the tissue and then grabbed his pillow, tugging it down to push his face against as he slid the toy back down over his length. His hips jerked eagerly and he moaned into the pillow, fingers gripping the feathery softness so harshly he could have ripped it in half if he'd used both hands on it. 

His hips canted forward and he moved his hand quickly, moving the toy over his cock, but it wasn't what he really wanted. Rolling over, he pushed up onto his knees, tugged the pillow partly under him and curled up over it, his face still shoved in it as he held the toy against the bed and started to jerk his hips, thrusting hard into the slick hole. 

"Oh God... oh _God_ -" Damian gasped and then rutted faster, mindless in his rhythm, desperate to cum again, his entire focus on just how damn good it felt. He gave a shout into his pillow and then whined out a very muffled, "I'm fucking. Oh God, _finally_!" His legs spread wider and he slammed his hips forward, burying his cock into the tight hole, a startlingly strangled sound leaving him as he started to cum again. This time it wracked his entire body, left him convulsing over the toy, jerking in a way he couldn't control as he nearly _sobbed_ into the pillow. It just felt _so good_.

This time he remained inside the slick hole until he was nearly completely flaccid, pulling out only because he heard muffled footsteps on the stairs and knew he was going to be told it was time for lunch.

Rolling nearly off his bed, he managed to snag the whole lot of packaging and everything and cart it to the bathroom, dumping it on the counter and racing back to carefully unlock the door. He raced back to the bathroom, pulled the door closed just as he heard the faint knock and then the click of the door opening. 

"Lunch is served when you are ready, Master Damian."

Damian leaned on the counter, his head bowed and his heart racing. When he looked up into the mirror, he could see the light in his eyes, could see how excited and refreshed he was and he couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips. "Yeah... be down in a minute."

"Very well."

The door clicked shut again and Damian sagged against the counter, feeling like his face hurt he was smiling so much as he turned on the faucet, preparing to clean the toy out so he could store it for future use. And boy, oh boy, was he going to ever _use_ it.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Fuck You All The Time (Shlohmo Remix) " by Jeremih

They were settled on Damian's bed, the TV he'd put up on the opposite wall alight with the variety of explosions from the game he and Dick were playing. They'd changed seating arrangements a few dozen times already, starting off nearly on opposite sides and then migrating towards one another over time. It was almost laughable if Damian let himself think about it, how they were perpetually drawn to one another - always had been. It had always been some sort of fight to not end up leaning against Dick's side while they played, to not wake up when he'd been younger and prone to naps, draped over Dick's lap or tucked up against his side. Now that they were both interested in one another, the draw was amazingly difficult to ignore. 

It was begrudgingly that Damian finally did give in, crawling back onto the bed after a trip downstairs to get them both more iced tea. There was a moment's hesitation and then he was settling himself between Dick's outstretched legs, sliding back until he was pressed right up against him and guiding Dick's arms around his middle, making sure he could still hold onto the controller that way and then plucking his own up off the comforter. Shifting until he was comfortable, he rested his weight back on Dick's chest, felt the instant ease of his body and his mind, and they started the game up again, Dick not making a single comment about the whole situation.

Almost an hour passed before Damian started to squirm, the closeness hedging into his mind, whispering to him about all the things he'd done on this bed, all the things he'd imagined doing to Dick _right here_. It was only a matter of minutes before he was fully erect, his cock pressing almost painfully against his jeans and he found regret in his choice of clothing for that alone. Another ten minutes of fighting his desire to press back further against Dick, to let him know what was happening in his pants, and he finally had to pause the game.

Resting his head back on Dick's shoulder, he closed his eyes and reached up to rub over them with one hand, pretense as to what was actually causing the pause in their mission. Dick didn't comment and it left Damian able to think out what he wanted to do. 

Some part of him still wanted to take flight, to hide himself away in the bathroom, so full of shame and desire that he might find a new way for something to combust; but, the newer portion of his thought processes - the part that Dick had been slowly teaching him was okay - wanted him to tell Dick he was ready, that he wanted to touch and be touched, to feel Dick's hand around him, to pleasure Dick however he wanted until he could taste his cum. They hadn't done anything together since the car and Damian was honestly craving it. He wanted to see, to feel, to _hear_ everything right in front of him, not just on the other side of a computer screen, happening sometime in the past. 

His cock throbbed and he felt the damp little spill of precum and he _knew_ how aroused that meant he was. Setting his controller aside, he reached down and let his hands rest on Dick's thighs, his thumbs to lightly move over the musculature there, soothing, easing, until he was barely managing to breathe correctly, wanting to pant for his every breath, so desperate just from touching somewhere so _innocent_. 

Something shifted inside his mind and he realized that while Dick had put down his own controller long ago, his arms were still resting around his abdomen, fingers entwined with one another, and when he looked he saw just how hard Dick had to be gripping his own hands for his nail beds to be that white. It struck him in an instant that he wasn't the only one holding back, that Dick wanted something, too. 

" _You want me_ ," the words were out, barely above a whisper, shocked and so aroused that he was certain Dick could read everything into them if he so much as tried.

"I do."

Damian's head tipped back and he moaned before he could catch it, his hips arching, his fingertips digging into Dick's thighs as he gave in and let himself pant for his every breath. "So hard..."

Dick's breath was a ghost along the shell of his ear. "I know."

Damian's breath hitched and his thighs trembled as he arched up harder. Settling back, he shuddered hard as he came in contact with what was most definitely Dick's cock, impossibly hard against his lower back and then the words were tumbling from his mouth. "Then help me. Touch me. _Please_ , Grayson."

He heard the soft gasp, but more than that, he felt everything that came next. Dick's hands hauling him flush against him, parting his thighs with insistent pressure, his hands sliding up his inner thighs, fingertips framing the juncture and then cupping him through his jeans, one hand settling over his balls, the other squeezing along his shaft, causing Damian to bite down on his tongue to stop the moan that wanted out. His hips jerked and then Dick was unfastening his pants, quick movements flicking open the button and dragging his zipper downward.

And then there was _bliss_. Dick's fingers delving into his briefs, wrapping around his cock and _stroking_. Damian's lips parted and he just closed his eyes, trying not to gasp for each breath as he fought jerking himself up against Dick's every touch. 

Dick's lips pressed right below his ear and Damian melted into it, his eyelids fluttering, his breath hitching, the barest ghost of, "Yes," leaving him as Dick flicked his tongue over the area. A shiver wracked his body and then both of Dick's hands were in his briefs, his left gently cradling Damian's balls, thumb stroking over the smooth flesh along the center. His right slowly moved over his shaft, gently easing up and then gliding back down, stopping to gather the precum rapidly forming at the tip with each stroke.

"You always leak this much, hmm?" Dick's voice was soft, a gentle caress against Damian's neck as his lips drifted down along the curve of it.

Damian finally got his hands moving, rubbing along Grayson's thighs, rocking into the touch, everything else completely abandoned in favor of how good this felt. "Only when I am this turned on."

Reaching for his briefs, Damian pulled them down, let the elastic settle beneath his balls and then reached back, snagging Dick behind the neck and turning just enough to catch Dick's mouth with his own. Dick's hand moved faster, his grip stronger, Damian's tongue delving into his mouth, tasting, teasing, and then his thighs were burning, his belly on fire with his impending orgasm and he knew he had to do something to stop it, to wait. 

He pushed Dick's hands away, turned and got himself up on his knees between Dick's legs and captured his mouth again. His hands slid up Dick's thighs, paused right before where he really wanted to touch, and he waited - agonized - until Dick parted their kiss just long enough to whisper, "You already have all the permission in the world." Relief flooded through him and his fingers were quick on Dick's belt, against his zipper and the button of his slacks. 

His breath caught as he tucked his head down against Dick's chest, watching between them as he slowly peeled back the fabric, revealed Dick to his gaze, found him harder than he'd thought he would be. For a split second, Damian debated just returning the favor, just wrapping his hand around him and stroking him off until he felt the warmth of his cum over his fist, until he begged to have Dick finish him off just the same. Then Grayson's cock flexed and Damian's brain short-circuited. 

This was Grayson, right here, right in front of him, in the flesh and he was allowed to do _anything_ he wanted. 

One hand kept steady on Dick's thigh, the other palming his shaft, stroking him a few times, and then he let his legs part, sliding down until he was hunched over his lap, hovering just over him. He wet his lips and then just went for it, did exactly what he wanted to.

The first lick of his shaft was all pre-cum, salt and something very uniquely _Grayson_ and Damian didn't stop the whine at how damn good it felt to have that flavor burst on his tongue and it not be his own. His tongue slid along the slit, gathering it all up, and then his mouth was sliding down over his length until he met his own hand. 

Above him, Dick choked back a moan and Damian felt his hand ghost through his hair, come to cup the back of his neck, holding on lightly as Damian started to move. Each patient suck, every flick of his tongue brought him new sounds from Grayson's throat, and he lived for _every single one of them_.

He drew it out, not giving Grayson enough to latch onto to cum, but pulling him higher, knowing he was doing it from the way the trembles changed in Dick's thighs. He learned, knew he didn't like too much suction, that he _really_ liked when Damian pushed his tongue against his slit, that he probably could have cum in under a minute if Damian had kept flicking his tongue against it, his lips forming a tight ring just under the head. More than that, Damian learned about himself, that he enjoyed the fullness in his mouth, the warm weight against his tongue when he just held him there, feeling his cock twitch, not teasing at all. He could have remained there for hours, just letting Dick's cock rest against his tongue and he probably could have cum from it without ever moving, knew Dick could have, too, and he wondered about the novelty of that. If sometime they could try it, some lazy day with all the time and patience in the world, if they could just let nature take its course toward completion. 

He marveled at every twitch of Dick's muscles, at every hitch of his breath, and more so at the infinite calmness of his own mind and body. Now that he was here, now that he was _doing_ , he was completely at ease. It was like coming home; it was safety and comfort, and he almost didn't want Dick to cum so he didn't have to stop.

He started to move again, sucking slowly up his cock and then swallowing him back down, realized his own hips were rocking, and he shivered. Dick's hand tightened a fraction and when he spoke his voice was rough, dredged up from disuse and pleasure, and it sent delicious tendrils of fire through Damian's nerves. "So close..."

It was both a plea and a warning and just like that, Damian wanted to make him lose control, wanted to take and hold that power over him for just a fraction of a second. He moved his hand away, pushed it into Dick's slacks to hold onto his hip instead and took him in as far as he could, drawing back up and giving him a few quick bobs of his head before flicking his tongue urgently over the slit. Dick's hips canted forward and he gasped out a broken version of Damian's name and then the warmth of his cum was spilling over Damian's tongue. 

It was _different_ than his own; had some of the same elements while others were completely different, and Damian just let it sit in his mouth for a moment, memorizing the taste before he reached for him, gripping the base of his cock and pulling back. He swallowed, licked his lips, and then delicately set to cleaning up the part he'd left behind until Dick was basically mewling, his thighs shaking and his hips jerking and Damian _saw_ how his cock was straining when he pulled back, knew it from his own needs and how he could multiple if he was horny enough. 

Pulling himself up, he straddled one of Grayson's thighs, urged Dick's hand down toward his own arousal, and slowly began to move his fist over Grayson's cock. He listened to his breath, to how he gasped for every single bit of oxygen he pulled into his body, watched how he seemed to not quite know how to come back down from his prior orgasm, and the instant he started to stroke Damian off, it was _desperate_ , needy in ways Damian hadn't expected it to be.

His free hand shoved into his hair, hauled him in and the kiss was sloppy, more tongue and teeth than lips and pressure. Dick's hold on him tightened and his strokes became strained, his muscles seizing, and Damian _knew_ what that meant. Pulling back from the kiss, he watched, waited as his hand moved quickly over Grayson's shaft, _felt_ the swell of it in the seconds before and then Dick was moaning, his hips pumping his cock against Damian's fist, and his cum was spurting up over his fingers, his wrist, down onto his covers, and Damian knew he was going to cherish that until the cover was taken away to be washed. 

The instant Dick started to stroke him again, it was as if the dial he'd turned down to allow himself to focus on Grayson turned all the way back toward himself and he felt nearly helpless to stop anything. He _wanted_ in ways he hadn't ever wanted, _needed_ Dick's touch the way he needed air into his lungs.

Dick started to move and Damian knew where it was going, knew Dick was going to try to return the favor, and he honestly didn't want to cum that way. He wanted to watch himself cum all over Dick, all over his thigh and his hand and his shirt, he wanted to _mark him up_ and wanted to rub it in. His hand snagged Dick's wrist, held on tight, keeping it there, helping him stroke him off. His forehead hit Dick's shoulder and he managed to admit what he needed, the words strangled but existing. "Like this... please, I want-" he didn't get to finish it, the words dying in his throat as his body surged with lust and for an instant he thought he was going to boil alive in it, that he would drown right here in the overwhelming shock of arousal, and then he was _cumming_. Thick spurts painting Dick in all the ways he wanted to; across his pants, his wrist, his shirt, dribbling down over his fingers for the final bit of it as he emptied his balls so completely it was like nothing else he'd ever experienced. 

Even the toy hadn't been that good.

Somewhat distantly, he realized he was holding his breath, silent by pure force, and he sucked in a breath, forced his fingers to stop clutching at Dick hard enough to bruise, and then he was reaching down, thumbs pushing the pearlescent strands of cum into the material of Dick's slacks, his entire body shivering from the _dirtiness_ of what he was doing.

Tipping his head back, he waited, sighed into it as Dick's mouth met his, gentle and pleasant, keeping the embers lit but allowing him to come down, just the same. 

Damian reached up, drawing away from his lips again so that his cum-slick thumb could slip into Dick's mouth, impart his taste upon him, and he watched him as he sucked on it, watched the flare of desire, the heat of possessiveness well up, and he knew that it was just a reflection of his own.

Some things were just meant to be.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Condoms Damian is using](http://www.trojanbrands.com/en/condoms/xoxo-by-trojan-condoms) \- and yes, I did research on condoms for this, lord help me. You do, in fact, measure yourself girthwise, because that's what is most likely to be anywhere from uncomfortable to horrifyingly tight (if you're thick). Length is less of an issue as long as it's not a huge huge difference - the condom can be short or it can be rolled up at the base without much issue. But if the thickness is wrong, anything from it coming off inside your lover to it cutting off your circulation is possible; all of that is no bueno, so there's sizes of condoms.  
> 

Damian shifted for the millionth time, impatience burning in his veins. His head tipped back, pressing against the headrest. Outside the world was passing by quickly, but their trip from the manor to Grayson's house felt like it was going by with aching slowness. 

Not for the first time, Damian's hand shifted to his pocket, felt the small square case he'd put there. Lust sparked along his nerves as he caressed the shape of it, _knew_ what was inside it. 

He'd made a trip last night, found himself at a drug store in one of the higher ends of town, doing his best to be subtle about picking out a lubricant. Just standing there with the box in his hands, he'd felt the prickle of anxiety that told him he just needed to hurry up and choose something. He'd painstakingly accomplished finding a lubricant meant for the task he had in mind, proclaiming itself safe with latex-based condoms, and he'd triple-checked Grayson's file on his phone, making sure he wasn't allergic to latex before he'd awkwardly pressed the call button that announced someone needed help on his aisle.

True embarrassment set in as the PA system told the entire store that employee assistance was needed in aisle fourteen. Only two things were in those cases: pregnancy tests and condoms, and Damian tried to wrap his mind around the idea of _why_ someone would put such things behind glass. Granted, they were probably the most stolen items, but if that was true, then those people probably couldn't afford the fifteen dollar plus price tags on them.

A quick glance at the pregnancy tests told him those were much more expensive than that and he frowned to himself, wondering if there was someplace he could donate a bunch of them to. It wouldn't be the first time the Waynes had donated items instead of money to somewhere. 

Footsteps told him someone was coming to assist him and a girl who looked to be in her late twenties rounded the corner. She looked worn out, unhappy beneath the false pull of a smile she was working to paste on her face, and Damian's heart went out to her. He'd never had to work this kind of job, never had to deal with the things he saw happen while he was standing in lines in places like this. 

"How can I help you, sir?"

Damian almost blanched at _sir_ , managed to get his hands to stop shaking for long enough to gesture vaguely toward the condoms. "I uh..." he felt his voice failing him and he knew there was no way he was going to get through this without feeling like the earth needed to open up and swallow him whole. Taking in a shaky breath, he managed to get out a few more words, quiet as they were, "I need to purchase something in there."

Keys jingled as the girl unlocked the case, opened the clear lid and pushed it back over the top of the shelving on its tracks. "What would you like?"

Fear prickled along Damian's senses. He hadn't even _thought_ that he'd just need to say one, that he couldn't look at the packages and find the right one. He'd gone to all the trouble to ensure he knew his own measurements just in case such a thing was listed on them, to figure out what he and Dick were and were not allergic to, and now here he was, feeling stupid for not having just researched them all online before coming here.

He could feel the color going to his cheeks, knew it was going to be dark enough to be noticed, knew he had to look like a he was downright terrified right then, and he finally managed to choke out, "I _don't know_." His mouth felt dry as he swallowed, his saliva feeling thick in his throat, like it was threatening to stick there, and he knew he just needed to leave. Another day, another time. Today was _not_ it. "I didn't..." his voice went higher than he wanted it to and he had to give himself a second before he managed a quick apology, took the necessary three steps back and started to put the lubricant back, his hand shaking so much he was afraid he was going to drop it for a second. 

He faced _criminals_ every single day, villains hellbent on destroying the world, and he couldn't confront a store employee over a box of condoms. This was _stupid_. 

"I am sorry. I..." he trailed off, his hand coming up to push through his hair, knowing he was making a scene. "I did not know I needed to _know_." He looked absolutely distraught for a moment and shoved the box back on the shelf, pushed his hands in the pockets of his hoodie to hide their trembling, and shook his head. "I have wasted your time, I apologize." A moment later, his feet were moving and he was trying to skirt past her, trying to absolutely not lose it.

"Hey," her voice was quiet, but filled to the brim with concern, " _dude_ , it's okay. I'll help if you want. Just... don't go?"

Damian stiffened for a second, his back to her, his eyes closed for a moment as he tried to center himself, to stop feeling like he was burning up from the inside out with shame. Swallowing it down, he finally forced his feet to turn him back around. Try as he might, he couldn't meet her gaze, couldn't manage to even look up from the floor. 

"You don't even have to say anything, just nod or shake your head, okay?" She was so gentle with him, her voice kind and patient, and he felt like she needed every award ever invented right then. He gave a quick nod and she lowered her voice even more. "Everyone has their first experience buying stuff like this. It can be daunting... so many options." He heard her rooting around in the boxes, but still didn't look up.

"Necessary questions, a bit embarrassing, but... I need to know what they're going to be used for to offer my best advice. Some are too weak for certain activities, some are more pleasant for others." Her voice took on a light tone and she offered a quiet chuckle. "And some of them just _suck_ and not in the good way. Word of advice, there's this new Trojan line with _grooves_ , avoid those at all costs." 

Damian finally glanced up, her lack of fear at telling him such things making this a bit easier, despite how his hands were still balled into fists in his jacket pockets. 

"Vaginal sex?" He shook his head and she gave a quick nod. "Got it. So you don't want anything really thin, okay? If it says bare or naked on it, avoid it."

He heard the shifting of boxes again and flicked his gaze to her hands, watching her shift around in the various options and then finally, pulling out two, holding them out with the backs of the packages where he could see them. Her thumbs slid down until she was pointing at the sizing information on each one. "Choose one of these. I think these are your best options."

He scanned over the sizing on both and finally reached for the left one, careful to avoid touching her hand. She put the other one back, pulled a second of the box he chose off the hook and closed up the case, locking it. A few steps to the left and she picked up the lubricant box he'd been holding before, tipping her head towards the makeup aisle's checkout counter. "I'll ring you up over here. C'mon."

Damian trudged after her, gripping the box a bit harshly, giving the front a quick look, seeing XOXO written on it and feeling a bit less out of sorts with how not obvious the word _condoms_ was on the package. 

He pushed the box across the counter to her and she quickly scanned it and slipped it into a bag behind the counter. She did the same for the lube and the other box and Damian watched the numbers ring up, saw the second box was only one dollar and he knew why she'd grabbed it without saying anything to him. 

Pulling out cash, he slid her enough to cover it and she was quick to give him back his change. She double-bagged his purchase and folded the receipt before putting it in the bag, tying the top and handing it over to him. "Can I offer you a word of advice from someone who seriously struggled the first time? If not, that's okay, just..." she shrugged, trailing off. 

Damian nodded as he took the bag, waiting, their eyes meeting for a moment and he felt a bit more at ease with the kindness he saw reflected there. "Try one at home. No matter what you're doing with them or who is using them. Trust me, it's better to get a feel for it to start with, not fumble later."

Scenarios flitted through his head of how exactly a girl would try one at home and then some distant memory of Jason and Tim talking about their sexual education classes dredged itself up and he understood. He gave a quick nod and a quiet, "Thank you," and then he was heading for the door, his heart fluttering in his chest.

\--

"Hey... you've got your head in the clouds. Something wrong?" Dick's voice cut into the memory and Damian almost choked on his next breath, had to turn to look out the window to hide how his features wanted to give him away.

"Nothing is wrong." 

"Maybe not, but you're still off in la-la-land over there." He heard the amusement in Dick's voice now, felt the hand on his thigh enough that his eyelids fell closed at the simple touch. "Thinking about _me_ again?" Dick's voice was dangerously sexy, left him quivering inside and he didn't bother to stop the quick exhale of his breath or the way his thigh flexed under Dick's touch. 

"Yes."

"Well _damn_." Dick sounded a bit shocked and Damian had to turn to look at him, marveling at the grin Dick was trying _and failing_ to hide.

Bringing his hand down, Damian slid it over the top of Grayson's, finally lacing their fingers, squeezing softly before he looked back at the road. "Almost always thinking about you."

"Look at you." Dick's fingers tightened around Damian's fingertips and then his hand was being pressed against Dick's lips, the soft press of them against the back of his hand making him shiver. The swipe of his tongue left Damian's lips parted, arousal quickly knotting in his belly, and he could _feel_ himself getting hard, his thighs starting to tingle with what he wanted to do with Grayson the very instant they got to his apartment. 

Everything in him screamed that he wanted to have sex, that he desperately needed that connection with Dick. It wasn't just sexual desire anymore, hadn't been for a while now. Rather, it was this intense need to exist within Grayson's world so completely that they couldn't find where one began and the other ended. It was a gripping desperation to lose himself in Dick's arms, against his body, to feel as much of him as he possibly could for as long as he could. It was the desire to remain tangled up in him for hours, to feel the heat of Grayson's skin against his own, to know he was warming Dick with his own, _inside and out_.

By the time they turned into the parking garage, Damian was doing his best not to sit there panting. His grip on Dick's hand was like iron until he knew he had to let go to let Grayson park the car. Getting out, he couldn't make himself slow down, rushed for the elevators, leaving Dick completely behind because he didn't trust himself enough to not fling himself at him right there, surrounded by concrete and metal and a million ways to get caught in an instant.

It took everything in him not to throw himself at Dick in the elevator and so much more to get him to the door of his apartment at a reasonable pace. By the time they slipped inside, Damian just made a beeline right for the bathroom, ditching his shoes by the door and his hoodie on the couch on the way past. He closed the door and opened the toilet lid, though he did nothing else, just leaning back against the wall and pressing his palms to it, willing himself to calm down. 

" _Breathe_ ," he whispered to himself, tipping his head back and biting hard on his lower lip, trying to concentrate on easing the maddening ache in his belly. 

But his body wanted sex as much as his mind did and that made it difficult to calm himself down. He stood there for a minute, bouncing on the balls of his feet, nervously rubbing his hands over his hips and upper thighs until he finally dug into his pocket, pulled out the small purple and black package with a tiny XOXO emblazoned on the front. Slipping the cardboard open, he peered inside at the black wrapper of the condom and the tiny plastic vial he'd found to put the lube in that fit perfectly in the box. 

Excitement shivered through him again and he closed it back up, pushed it back into his pocket and closed the toilet lid, flushing and moving to wash his hands. As he did, he studied himself in the mirror over Dick's sink, saw his nervousness written all over his face, saw the wild look in his eyes that matched the one time he'd gotten himself off in his own bathroom, watching his own face the entire time to see what he looked like when he came. 

No matter how much he did or didn't calm down, he was going to be pathetically obvious, and he knew it. Closing his eyes, he just steadied himself as best he could and then turned off the faucet, only opening his eyes to search for the towel. He pressed the fluffy fabric back into the holder when he was done, tugged his t-shirt down to at least cover the way his cock pushed his pants out in the front from his excitement, and then took a calming breath and opened the door.

Dick was adding a few things to the crock pot in the kitchen, the house smelling delicious already from whatever creation he was making. Damian kept himself where the island covered him from Dick's direct gaze, leaned on it and watched him mix it all up and then re-cover it. 

"Just had to add a few spices and veggies that don't go in until after the rest, that's all."

Damian nodded, offered a small smile and watched Dick wash up and then meander over to the fridge. He pulled out two water bottles, cracked one open and pushed the other across the counter to Damian, leaning against the island, his hip pressed to it, one hand perched on the dark surface to hold him there. He lifted the bottle to his lips and tipped his head back, the liquid slipping into his mouth, his Adam's apple working as he drank from it, and Damian watched until his cock twitched in his pants.

With an annoyed grunt, he pushed away from the counter. "If you did not do this in front of _everyone_ , I would think you were doing it on purpose."

He didn't even make it five feet before Grayson's arms were around him, tugging him back against him, his hands splayed across his hips, _close_ but not touching anything they shouldn't have been. Cool wet lips ghosted over his neck and Damian's breath caught. 

"I did it on purpose this time." Teeth scraped against the most sensitive area under his ear and Damian remembered Grayson finding that the third time they'd ever made out on his couch, remembered how he'd struggled not to lose control over such a small thing. 

Grayson's fingertips pressed firmly against him, fitted him back against him, his tongue swirling over Damian's skin, teeth nipping until it was nearly maddening, until Damian was clutching Dick's wrists, panting for his every breath, until he wanted to haul Dick into the bedroom and throw him down all pretense be damned. Dick's hips gave a slow rock and Damian could feel how hard he was, knew what this was doing to both of them, and he realized why Dick was doing it then. It was a way to let Damian use this as an excuse to get what he wanted, to bring out the words he needed to say.

Sagging back against Dick, Damian closed his eyes, flexed his cock hard in his pants and canted his hips. One hand dragged his shirt up, revealed the obscene tent in his clothing, and then he was whispering to Dick, the words easier than he'd thought they would be. "I want you, Grayson. I want everything with you."

Dick's breath was a pleased little sigh against his neck. His teeth scraped over the spot once more and then Damian could feel his smile as he pushed his lips there instead. "Then have me. Anything you want."

Damian's heart pounded in his chest and he pulled away in an instant, hands clenching and unclenching as he identified the correct door for Dick's bedroom and headed right toward it. He heard the footsteps behind him telling him Dick was following, swallowed his excitement down just enough not to end up losing it before he ever touched Dick, and stepped inside the bedroom. 

Dick didn't turn on the overhead light, but pulled the chain on his closet lamp, casting a glow into the bedroom, the door clicking shut behind him. Damian watched as Dick tugged his shirt off, dropped it on the small bench by the door, and he did the same without hesitation. Off came Dick's belt and Damian mirrored it, handed over his phone when Dick pulled his own from his pocket and turned it off, setting it aside. Damian's was turned off as well and Dick slid onto the bed then, setting against his pillows and spreading his thighs, giving Damian a place to exist. 

One look was all it took and then Damian was crawling on the bed between Dick's legs, knees pushing against his thighs as he leaned over and got one hand in his hair, yanked his head back and crushed his lips against Dick's own, moaning into his mouth, finally feeling like he was free to do so.

Dick's lips parted and Damian's tongue delved in, tasted him, and then retreated, pulling his head back more and dropping down to his ridiculous Adam's apple, licking over it and then scraping his teeth against it, sucking for a moment before he moved on, his lips ghosting over warm skin as he got Dick's pants open, paused long enough to feel him straining in his boxers before he pushed those down as well, got his hand around Grayson's cock and breathed out, "Oh thank _God_ ," as he started to stroke. 

Everything in him buzzed with excitement over holding Grayson's cock in such a way, over how he responded differently depending on the pressure and quickness of his movements, and then he just couldn't stand it. Moving both hands down to his own pants, he popped the button and unzipped as he leaned over Dick, flicked his tongue over the head of his cock, _heard_ his rough gasp, felt his cock bump against his lips, Dick's way of telling him he wanted to be in his mouth, and he opened for him, slid down his length and just held him there, tongue lightly dragging against the underside. 

The fullness of his mouth, the press of Dick's cock against his tongue calmed something inside of him just long enough for him to get his pants open, the little box extracted from his pocket. He masked the ripping of the condom's packet with a moan as he started to work up and down over him, heard Dick's head thump back against the headboard, and then Damian was gathering Dick's pants, tugging them down, trying to keep him in his mouth as he helped him get his clothing off completely. 

He had to abandon him for a second, tugged his pants off completely, dropped the wrapper to the floor with Dick's pants, and was back in record time, swallowing him back down again as he uncapped the vial. Some went over his condom, the rest on his fingers and the vial went back in his pocket as he shuffled up closer, got Dick's thighs parted even more. 

Taking in a calming breath through his nose, he pulled up until he was just holding the tip of Dick's cock in his mouth, tongue lightly licking over his slit, and then he slipped his hand between his legs, slid back until he felt where he belonged and then used his index finger to start rubbing little teasing circles around him, until Dick was gasping, rocking into it. 

Damian pressed his tongue down tight on Dick's slit, sucked for a moment, and then slid down on him a bit more as he slid his index and middle fingers to either side, pressed his middle finger until Dick's body was opening up for him. Inside was molten heat, his walls gripping at Damian's finger, and Damian's hips jerked out of reflex alone. He wanted _in_ , wanted to bury his cock deep inside of Dick's body and wanted to cum there. 

His own hips rocked, his cock flexing and he wondered if he was going to get too excited, cum before he ever got into him. Pulling up off of his cock, he turned his head and kissed down the side of Dick's shaft, the tip leaving a trail of wetness over his cheek and he sighed with pleasure at the feeling of it. He could have spent all day right here if he weren't so hung up on actually fucking him. Could have dragged his lips and tongue over Dick for hours, delaying him until he came with no warning at all, until he sobbed with the delicious release of it. 

He'd done it once to himself, dragged it out most of a day while everyone else had been away. Touched and fondled and rutted against things, excited himself without touching while watching videos and then walked away right before orgasm. When he'd finally cum it had left him shaking, gasping and sobbing into his pillows, his cum _everywhere_ , so much of it, like his body hadn't understood he hadn't cum and had created more each time he'd built it up. The best part had been how he couldn't stop there, how he'd found his teenage self trying desperately to fuck everything that seemed remotely fuckable. Mattresses and chairs and towels and the damn wall because he'd been so desperate to get what he _wanted_ , but had nothing to give it to him. 

The memory left lust buzzing inside of him and Damian moaned against Dick's shaft, his cock flexing up hard. He wanted to rut the bed, wanted to jerk off, but he didn't want to lose any of the lube or get the condom dirty before he did what he really wanted to do. In retrospect, maybe he'd jumped the gun with when to put it on, but he hadn't been able to logic out any other time he would want to pause to do it, any other time he could _hide it_ like he had. 

Dick clenched around him when he pushed his mouth back down over his cock. He pushed his middle finger in and out of him quickly, the slick sound of it sort of obscene, and he felt him tightening, his hips canting up toward his mouth, then Dick was keening and cum was flooding his mouth, Dick's muscle fluttering around Damian's finger and he almost forgot to swallow, nearly choking before he swallowed out of reflex alone.

He took a second to get the rest down, licking at him and then using his shoulder to wipe his mouth. He pushed another finger in, felt how relaxed Dick was, heard the moan, and he knew this was his chance. He'd read a million forums, done his research, knew the best way to take someone was when they were this relaxed, able to accept and accommodate their lover more easily. 

He wiped the rest of the lube over his cock and shifted between Dick's legs more fully, spread his own and got himself into the right position, one hand holding him up, the other holding his cock steady. He watched as he lined himself up and pressed the head of his cock against him. His body tingled with the anticipation of it, with the knowledge that he was going to take Dick Grayson. A shiver rushed down Damian's spine and he let out a little whine, closing his eyes, trying to tell himself it was okay, he was _allowed_ to do this. 

Dick shifted under him, one leg hooking behind him, drawing him in, pressing him tightly against his hole. Damian's hips jerked purely out of reflex and then he was pushing into Dick's body, a sharp cry leaving him at the feeling of it. Dick was far tighter than his toy had been, warm because of himself, not because of Damian's own body heat, and it was _perfection_ pushing into that heat until he was flush up against him. His hips gave a few little jerks and he pressed both hands to the mattress, hunched over him and trying really hard not to cum already. His body was straining for release, his cock nearly trembling he was so hard, his balls instantly so tight up against him he knew it was going to be a hopeless fight. No amount of using his toy could have prepared him for this.

" _Grayson_."

Dick's fingers pushed into his hair, his other hand dragging him up over him more completely until their lips met. Dick showered him with chaste little kisses, kept his leg locked behind him tightly. "Breathe through it... it's okay." Another kiss. "It's alright even if you do." A little smile pressed against his jaw. "It's not like this is the only time I'll let you do this."

Damian shivered at that. Fire burned down the backs of his thighs and he felt himself throb, knew he was so turned on he could multiple if given half a chance, but he'd only brought the one condom. _Foolish_.

His hips shifted the barest amount, moving him ever so slightly, and then he just _couldn't stand it_. Dropping his head down, he pressed his forehead against Dick's chest, spread his legs to get the leverage he wanted, and with a groan, he started to snap his hips. Pleasure ignited inside of him, burned like an oil fire, and he knew nothing could stop him from cumming far too soon in that moment. 

He pulled almost all the way out and plunged back in, a wordless shout leaving him as he felt the grip of Dick's body around him, felt the heat he was fucking into. He was dizzy with his arousal, could feel the precum already spilling from his cock into the condom. He moved then, grasping Dick's hips, hunching over him and just letting his hips snap against him over and over, watching his cock disappear inside Dick's body until his vision was blurring, until he was shaking and then he was shouting, his throat aching from the sounds he was making, and then he was _cumming_. The warmth of his cum burst around him, started to fill the reservoir of the condom, and he pushed in deep and stayed there, gasping as he filled it. 

He let Dick pull him down, felt him moving against him, felt how hard his cock was against his belly, and he _knew_ he wasn't done either. He wanted it again, wanted him even now, even when he should have been coming down, and he dredged up curse words he hadn't thought of in years in his mind, told himself he was _stupid_ for not bringing another one with him, for thinking he'd be satisfied with once. 

It took everything in him to pull out, to shift until he could get his hands on the condom, pull it off and shakily tie up the end. 

He heard Dick shuffling around and he somehow managed to get his voice engaged, whispered out a hoarse, "Please... I want to make you cum again." 

The sound of Dick's nightstand opening caught his attention and the next thing he knew, there was another condom tossed on the bed between his legs. Their eyes met for an instant and Damian saw the desire there, the heady, needy look that Dick was giving him, urging him not to question a thing. He unwrapped the new condom, deposited the old one in the wrapper and ditched it over the side of the bed. Rolling the new one on, it was a bit snug, but nothing horrible, just not as comfortable as the ones the clerk had helped him pick out for himself. 

Damian didn't dwell on it long, moving back over Dick, positioning himself and pushing in with a quiet little groan, Dick's warmth gripping at him again. 

Dick didn't hook his leg around him this time, instead used his heels against the bed to push up with, helping Damian start to move, to set the pace until Dick was shoving his hands into his own hair, holding on as he arched and gasped beneath him. 

Damian watched him, kept their pace steady, his mind able to focus more on Dick's pleasure this time than the intensity of the heat gripping around him. He moved in opposition to the jerks of Dick's hips, to the rapidly frantic pace he was setting for them. 

"You're beautiful."

The words lit up Dick's features, shone a light in his eyes that Damian was pleased to have put there. Dick whispered something, but the language didn't translate for Damian and he just felt them instead, the smooth tone, the cherished feeling they gave his chest, and he knew they were words of affection and desire. 

Dick tightened around him and then his hands slammed down on the bed, grabbed the covers in an iron grip, and he was fucking himself on Damian's cock, barely breathing. 

Damian found a bit more leverage, dug in with his knees, and started to meet him more forcefully. He felt his balls tightening again, felt Dick fluttering around him, and he panted out the only thing he could think to say, "You're going to _cum_." It was shock, it was need, and more than all of that, it was happiness that Dick could cum on his cock like this. 

Dick arched and clenched down so hard Damian saw white for a moment, and then Dick was pulsing around him, his cock shooting thick spurts of cum up over his abdomen and hip, some of it landing all the way over on the comforter. Damian gasped out Dick's name, lost every bit of control he had left, and followed him over the edge within seconds, the throb of Dick's body around his cock leaving him helpless to do anything else.

He felt his cum filling the condom, felt like he was orgasming for forever, that he was cumming enough to bust the damn thing if given half a chance. He shuddered hard at the end of it, sagging over Dick, barely able to keep himself up, panting for his breath. 

Dick's body gave another feeble pulse around him and he watched Dick's cock leak another pearly strand of cum down onto his belly even as his cock was softening, and he let out a pleased little huff of breath. 

Carefully pulling out, he managed to roll onto the bed next to him, started to reach for the condom, but Dick was there instead, carefully taking it off of him, tying it up and stretching to reach the trash with it. Then he was there, pushing one leg between Damian's own, pulling him closer until Damian could rest his head on Dick's chest, close his eyes, and just _exist_. 

They didn't say anything for the longest time, both of them just drifting in and out of consciousness. Every once in a while, Dick kissed the top of his head, cupped his cheek, or pushed his thumb against Damian's lips so he could lick at the pad of it for a minute or so before he'd move on. Damian just clung to him, unwilling and unable to let go for even a few seconds until quite a while had passed.

Finally, he loosened his grip and Dick let out a tiny satisfied sound as he rolled onto his back and just flopped there. "I have to say, I didn't think I'd actually cum from it like that, but _damn_ , that was awesome."

Damian snorted out something that could have been a laugh, stretching himself out on his belly and tugging Dick's pillow down to push his face into, just inhaling what was definitely _him_ in the bedsheets. For a moment he wondered if it was sad that he could probably rut the bed right now and cum again with relative ease, but he discarded the part that told him it was shameful and instead hid his grin in the fluff of the pillow, his hips giving a tiny rock before he offered up a muffled, "Yeah... it was."

Dick's hand ghosted over his spine and then the bed dipped between his legs and Damian's breath caught with some amount of alarm. He didn't want to tell Dick not to do anything, but he also couldn't wrap his mind around the idea of being _taken_.

The seconds ticked by and then the sweet smell of citrus and sandalwood drifted to him and Dick's warm hands came to rest on his lower back, slick with what Damian now connected was massage oil. His body relaxed and he chided himself for thinking Dick wouldn't _ask_ before doing something else. Dick's hands began to work their magic and Damian relaxed even further into the bed, sighing as Dick moved over his back, the top and sides of his ass, even up along his sides and then over his shoulders and biceps. 

Dick massaged him until Damian's cock was throbbing against the bed, until he was almost mindless with want, his hips rocking against the bed without a second thought sent toward the actions. Then Dick's hands were on his hips, helping him grind down into the bed, and he was leaning over him, whispering to him. "Go ahead... get it out." His lips against the back of his neck. "Cum on my sheets for me."

Damian's hips jerked harder, his cock rutting quick and hard into the sheets. He was trembling with the effort of it by the time he pushed himself up onto his forearms, humped faster against the bed as Dick's hands squeezed his ass, then slipped down to tease his balls. 

"You're gonna cum... must be _so close_." Dick's hand cradled his sac and Damian fell back into a world where he was taking Grayson, where he felt him fluttering around him again, and he came with a shout, his orgasm slamming into him so hard he was breathless, shaking as he emptied himself into the bedsheets, the warmth cascading down around his cock as he kept cumming until he was actually whining from it. By the time he started gasping in air again, Grayson was holding him, one arm hooked around his middle to keep him from deflating onto the bed and into his own mess, his other supporting them, lips gentle against his shoulder. 

There was a smile in his voice when he spoke. "You're insatiable. It's _amazing_." 

Damian let Dick move them so they were lying off to the side of the mess he'd made, Dick spooning him from behind, still kissing so carefully at his shoulder. "I love that I get to experience all of this with you... that every time you cum with me, it's the first time you've done something with someone like this. That every time after that, it's only been me to see it. There's so much pleasure in that."

Even while his cheeks burned from the compliments, from the way Dick was talking to him, he was feeling like a king inside, warm and satiated and _perfect_. His fingers entwined with Dick's and he turned a bit, twisting until he was staring up at Dick, knew his face told him how pleased he was, how _in love_ he was, and he let it speak for itself as he reached up, got ahold of Dick's hair and tugged him down, their lips meeting in the sweetest kiss they'd ever shared.


	26. Chapter 26

Damian's hips rocked against the air, his head and shoulders helping him arch up from the bed. He pushed his toy down over his aching cock, a shiver sliding up his spine as he finally gave in and let himself gain pleasure. A sigh left him, the ghost of a smile spreading over his lips as he started to stroke quickly, the lewd sounds of his cock slicking into the ridges and grooves inside it like music to his ears. 

He still wasn't sure _why_ he liked hearing himself masturbate, but he supposed it didn't really matter just so long as he was having fun. 

Turning his head, he let his gaze fall on the laptop that was recording him, only from mid-torso downwards, but more than enough to be exciting. He watched himself on camera for a moment and then returned to what he was doing. His quick movements ramped up the glorious sounds of his pleasure and he let himself moan, let his hips start to rock up into the toy. The springs on the bed protested as he dug his heels in, grabbed the toy with both hands and began to fuck up into it, panting, _desperate_.

He let go with one hand, reaching up toward his hair, intent to pull it, and his hand smacked the wall _hard_. He gave a little yelp, huffed out a tiny laugh, none of it stopping him from barreling right towards his orgasm. 

His door handle jiggled and Damian stiffened, going completely still, wide eyes staring at the door.

"Is everything okay?" Bruce's voice drifted in through the door and Damian's cheeks burned. He scrambled up, hit stop on the video, pushed the laptop up under his pillows and slid the toy off of himself, biting back a pleased little sound. 

"I'm fine!" He winced at how winded he sounded, managed to shove the toy on top of its bag in his drawer and close it. He stumbled as his feet hit the floor, claiming his sleep pants and his thankfully giant sleep shirt. The later he tugged down over the very obvious tent in his pants and swept his hand through his hair, shaking it out.

"Are you sure?" This time his father sounded perplexed, a little bit upset and Damian could feel his cheeks burning. Leave it to Bruce to actually worry about him when he didn't need it. 

He took a deep breath, unlocked the door, and slid it open, shifting slightly under Bruce's gaze, watching the way he studied him, flinching back from him when he reached toward him only to watch the fear blossom in Bruce's eyes. "Are you running a temperature?"

Damian's face burned even more and he took a few awkward steps back into the room, his hands reaching behind him to hold onto the top of his low bookshelf, fingers gripping hard. "No, I am not."

"But y-"

" _Father_ ," Damian's voice sounded pleading even to his own ears and he had to look away, his heart beating quickly in his chest. He knew his hands would have been shaking if he hadn't been holding onto the shelving as hard as he was. "My hand hit the wall on accident. I am _fine_."

Bruce said nothing this time, but his presence remained and Damian struggled to keep himself from bolting into his bathroom and slamming the door behind him. Unsurprisingly, his cock was making it all that much more difficult as he could feel the precum sliding down his shaft, leaking more than it had been when he was actually getting off. 

What little bit of his blush he'd gotten rid of came right back and he finally let go of the shelf, reaching for the hem of his shirt and holding on tight, making sure it wasn't pressed up against his cock. 

Bruce's voice was a quiet rumble when he chose to speak again, something deeper than simply fatherly concern lacing it. He sounded more like Batman in that moment than Bruce Wayne and Damian couldn't honestly blame him for it. "If you are not up to par in every way, I need to know. We have one another's backs out there and-"

Damian actually _laughed_ , the sound surprising even himself as he forced his gaze on the covered window on the other side of the room, the stream of sunlight slipping under the edges of it, meaning the sun was going down already. 

"If you are not _very_ careful, you are going to learn more than you want to about your son."

Damian heard the second set of footsteps, knew there was no way Bruce didn't as well, and then Alfred's unique cologne filled the air of his room. "Master Bruce, if I may make a suggestion, it would seem that Master Damian requires a few minutes to gather himself."

There was that damned blush again and - of course - his father wasn't leaving. His stubborn ass was still standing there, arms crossed, a perplexed look on his face, and Damian knew in one desperate moment that he would do _anything_ to just make him go away. 

One shuddering breath in and then he was spilling the truth, his voice an octave higher than he would have liked. Not that he _liked_ saying it at all. "I was jerking off, okay?! Just leave me alone!" His heart slammed in his chest as he watched the shock blossom over his father's features and Damian darted past him, skidded into the bathroom and slammed the door with all the force he could manage. He stood on the other side, his hands shaking, his insides quivering, and his cock so hard he should have been _ashamed_. 

Pressing both hands to the door, he bowed his head, tried to focus on breathing, heard the shuffle of feet and then Alfred's voice.

"I tried to warn you, sir."

Bruce made an indiscriminate rumble and then there was a light thump on his bathroom door, not a knock, but perhaps someone's hand on the door and Damian had a feeling he knew who. 

"Damian?"

A shudder rushed through him and Damian pulled back from the door, retreating across the room and crossing his arms, leaning against the wall beside the shower. "What?"

"I... I'm sorry." 

Damian stood there, felt his mouth falling open, surprise sliding through his body and then he was tipping his head back, closing his eyes. "It is okay." He cleared his throat. "Please leave?"

There was a moment where he thought Bruce might not honor his request and then there was only the sound of his bedroom door closing. He gave it a moment and then made his way across the room, peered out to find his bedroom empty, the lock turned on his door, and he hurried to his bed, dug the laptop out and crawled up onto the bed with it. 

His pulse raced and his breath came in little frantic pants as he saved the file and closed everything down. Plucking his phone from the sea of covers, he opened Grayson's contact and tapped out a quick message.

 _Mark this the first day I've been full-on caught by Father._ He sent the message, his hands shaking a little.

The return message came in under his encrypted app instead of his normal texts and he was grateful someone had remembered to keep certain things off the main channels, given he hadn't. 

_Oh shit. Are you ok?_

The great care it had to take from Grayson to ask that first rather than instantly asking about how he'd been caught calmed some of Damian's anxiousness. He made himself a bit more comfortable, leaning against the wall and sighing. 

_A little shaky, but I think I am okay._ He hesitated and then typed out a second message, his cheeks heating again as he did so. _Still hard. I think it only made it worse rather than better._

 _Shiiiiit, someone's got a thing for being caught._ A winking emoji came in just after and Damian ducked his head, pressing his nose and mouth against his own arm, hiding his embarrassed smile away. 

_Maybe so._

_So... what were you doing exactly and how much did poor ol' Dad see?_

_Uh, I was making a video for you actually..._ Damian sent it, shifting until he was on his side, one hand down his pants, the other still typing, somewhat difficultly. _Using what you gave me. He did not see anything. I accidentally hit the wall with my hand and I think he came to see what happened. Door was locked and the rest is history._

_Did he fucking kick it in or what?_

Damian grasped himself more fully, stroked quickly for a few moments, excitement boiling in his veins that he was doing this while talking to Dick. _No. He knocked. Got everything hidden but_ he accidentally hit send as he gasped, his hips bucking against his hand as he tightened his grip, moved faster over his cock.

_But?_

Damian gave up, hit the little call icon and dropped his phone on the bed, leaning in close so he could still hear it but it wasn't on speaker phone. The encrypted call went through and Dick picked up the other end.

"Well, _hello there_."

Easing his grip a bit, Damian stroked faster, letting his breath catch, letting the tiniest whine out before he whispered, "I need to cum, Grayson."

He heard the hitch in Dick's breath and then the smile in his voice when he spoke again. "I'm listening, go ahead and do it for me."

Damian pulled his pants down to just under the swell of his ass, moved until he was on his knees, one elbow bracing him, his hand sliding quickly over his length, the remaining lube making it sound sticky and slick. " _So horny_."

Dick groaned quietly and Damian heard the sound of his zipper across the line. "Me, too." He heard the jingle of Dick's belt, the sound of his hand against fabric and he closed his eyes, listening to Dick jerking off on the other end of the line, his own hand moving faster. 

He shifted, eager, his hips trying to work and he knew what he really wanted, imagined Dick's heat around him again, how hard he'd been as Damian had taken him.

"Want you," he managed as he let go of himself, yanked the blankets under him to give him something to rut against and spread his legs, starting to eagerly hump against the blankets. His cock pushed into the soft folds, the friction gentle but enough to bring him pleasure, and he fisted his hands in them, clinging to them as he humped frantically, fire burning through his veins, and then relief coming swiftly, crashing into him so hard he actually moaned.

His cock twitched, straining against the sheets, and then he was emptying himself into them, filling his blanket with cum. He rocked into it, listening to Dick whisper his name on the other end of the line, to how quick his strokes got, and then the grunt that told him Dick was cumming, nearly simultaneously.

His toes curled and he pressed his nose to the bed, rubbing his lips against it, opening his mouth for a moment and imagining Grayson cumming across his tongue, and he shifted, slowly dragged his cock out of the warm little crevice he'd created, wiping the rest of his cum on the blanket and struggling to sit up, grasping the phone and tucking it between his ear and shoulder, pushing the blankets back to survey the damage. "Came on my bed..."

"Came all over my damn pants." Dick sounded amused and Damian shuffled around, leaning exhausted against the wall, his eyelids feeling heavy. 

"Needed to cum."

"I know. I'm glad you called me."

Damian could almost feel Dick's affection, even across the line, and he just smiled to himself, closing his eyes and murmuring softly, "Need to have sex with you again. It was so _good_."

Dick chuckled, a gentle kind sound. "Trust me, I want that more than you know."

Damian's heart thudded and he shivered, whispering, "Tomorrow is gaming night."

This time he could hear the grin in Dick's voice. "It's _something_ night alright." Nothing in the world could have made Damian happier right then.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "latour" by Sukekiyo

Damian stood in the entry hall, bag hanging over his shoulder, a myriad of very private things tucked into it. His laptop that contained the very private video he'd been creating for Grayson, his toy, a box of condoms, and his lube. Granted, he had his package in his pocket as well, but he wasn't about to make the same mistake twice. 

He'd layered the bag with clothing for the overnight visit, a few games on top, one even sticking out of the side pocket so as to not arise any suspicions. As it was, Bruce had stuck his head out of the study _twice_ already, eyeballing him in such a way that Damian was honestly a bit afraid of what exactly he was thinking.

Things had been _strange_ since Damian had confessed what he'd been doing to his father and really, he couldn't blame him for that. Patrol had been an awkward circus of the pair of them avoiding talking to one another unless it was a direct order on a take down. It hadn't _really_ affected the way they played off of one another in the field, but Damian had felt reserved, embarrassed and every glance he took at Bruce had him looking so pointedly away from him, it was obvious he was in same boat. 

Breakfast when they'd gotten back had been taken in individual rooms, something that hadn't happened since Damian had been a petulant _brat_ of a child and the meal when he'd woken up hadn't been much better. While Alfred had served it in the same room, Bruce had attempted to pick his up and leave and Alfred's insistence had been the only thing that got him seated, as far away from Damian as possible, and it had left Damian feeling out of sorts, like he'd fucked up horribly.

Honestly, he knew it was because Bruce didn't know how to deal with being confronted that his supposedly asexual son had been pleasuring himself, and worse that he'd made Damian tell him what he was doing. He'd never say it again, but Damian knew Bruce truly was sorry. 

The third time Bruce stuck his head out, Damian sighed, didn't even turn around and instead offered, "Am I worrying you, Father?"

The air stilled behind him and then Bruce was there, lingering in the hallway, pointedly not looking at him. Damian studied his profile for a moment before resting his gaze back on the wall he'd been mostly staring at as it was. 

"We were both off our game last night. I would like to ensure it does not happen again." 

Damian could have snorted at the things Bruce brought himself to worry about, how he _changed_ the point of what was truly bothersome between them into something to do with work. Instead, he sucked in a breath between his teeth and sighed it back out, lightly crossing his arms, defensive, but not closed off.

"I believe it time to shed light on a few assumptions that have been made in regards to me." 

He watched Bruce's shoulders stiffen out of his peripheral vision, _knew_ his father was well aware of what was coming and simply had no exit strategy planned for such a situation. It was _almost_ amusing. 

"Grayson and I are dating." He let that sink in, noticed how Bruce didn't seem particularly shocked by this revelation and he knew Dick had probably already told him. He let the words linger, waiting on Bruce to reply, letting it drag out until he was almost certain Bruce wouldn't reply at all.

"I am aware."

This time the indignant little sound did leave Damian's throat. He shifted to hitch up his bag, choosing to hold onto the strap instead of keeping his arms crossed.

"Good."

Damian knew he needed to address the rest of it, needed to just be up front about his sexuality, but he honestly didn't feel like it was any of Bruce's concern. What he did or did not do to himself or to his lover was only between himself and Dick. 

The sound of Dick's car pulling up the drive set Damian's feet into motion. He got all the way to the door before Bruce's voice drifted to him, tight and clearly forced.

"Promise me you would not let anyone talk you into things you do not wish to do."

It struck Damian that _that_ was what had Bruce all tied up in knots. He truly thought his son to be everything he'd allowed the world to believe prior to Grayson and he was only worried about him being talked into something he didn't want to do. His mind followed the logical path once such assumptions were made, the few texts they had shared on open channels, the way it might have looked like Dick was trying to seduce him, and he stopped with his hand on the knob, head bowed as he let the idea that Bruce would be that worried about him wash over him.

Turning back, he studied his father's somewhat distraught face, the way he looked uncomfortable in a way Damian had never seen before, and he walked right back over to him. He hesitated for a moment and then reached out, placing his hand on Bruce's shoulder, squeezing. They'd _never_ been good at physical affection and that wasn't changing anytime soon. He kept the contact for as long as he dared and then let go, making sure he met Bruce's gaze before he spoke.

"I would never do anything I did not wish to. I _swear to you_ , if anyone ever tried to coerce something I did not want, they would _pay_."

Bruce's tenseness seemed to fade away and Damian gave him a weak little smile, turning away. Bruce didn't say another word and Damian couldn't find any regret in that. 

A few steps brought him outside, the manor door closing behind him. Dick was leaning against his car and Damian knew he'd come all the way up to the door, probably heard some amount of the conversation and decided to stay out of it. He offered Damian a bright smile and nothing in the world could have stopped Damian from responding to it with his own.

He slipped into the passenger seat, Dick getting back in as Damian stowed his bag in the back seat. "Father-son talk, I take it?"

Damian sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. "Let's say last night did not go well after," he waved his hand a bit, indicating the nebulous incident. "We did not talk unless absolutely necessary and he has been avoiding me all day. Apparently he just did not know how to address what he thought might be an _issue_."

"Yeah... well, no one ever said Bruce was good at talking to people." Dick started the car, shifting to get his seat belt on and then putting the car in gear and pulling around the round-a-bout. "What did he think the issue was exactly?"

Damian shifted, settling down in his seat and pushing one knee against the dash. "Extrapolation, but I believe he still thinks I am asexual and that what he caught was me trying to be something I was not, for you."

Dick sighed and Damian knew he was going to try to shoulder some of the responsibility somehow.

He beat him to it. "I let him know we are dating, though it seems perhaps you already did," he held up a finger, "which is fine." He watched Dick's defensiveness fade and he hid his smile by looking out the passenger window as they made their way down the drive. "Promised him I would never do anything I did not want to."

"Damn right you wouldn't. No one should."

Damian couldn't resist the joke he knew Dick had floating around in his head, knew it would lift the mood by about a thousand in the car. "But I would certainly _do_ you. Anytime, anywhere."

He watched Dick almost choke on air, heard the melodious laugh he had grown so fond of over the years, and he shifted, cracked his neck, and allowed a smirk to settle on his lips. "Speaking of, I brought basically everything _fun_ in my room with me."

At that, Dick looked delighted and Damian bit his lip, deliberating just how distracted Dick could drive and still be safe. For a moment, he considered taking out his toy, giving Dick something to listen to while he was driving. His breath hitched and his hips lifted slightly.

Really, it was laughable, the gate was only just rumbling open in front of them and he was already starting to get hard. Sure, he'd been with Dick tons of times and done absolutely nothing sexual, but the fact was, he had years of pure, unadulterated _lust_ to make up for. That combined with knowing just how good being with Grayson was? It was nothing short of _amazing_.

Damian released the hold on his lip about a mile later, straightening up in his seat a bit and really, truly considering tactics to get his toy out of the bag in the back seat without giving Dick a heart attack about him crawling around while they were driving in a civilian car. 

Dick's hand came to settle on his thigh, thumb smoothing along the muscles there. Damian's breath stuck in his throat long enough he had to force it out, take in a shuddering breath. He watched the subtle curve of Dick's smile at his reaction, saw the way he flicked a glance at him and then focused right back on the road. His pinky shifted, lightly trailing over the bulge in Damian's pants, forcing a whimpered, " _Yes_ ," out of him.

"What are you thinking about?"

Damian reached down, moving Dick's hand over him a bit more fully, sighing in relief at the contact, even though Dick was only cupping him.

"About giving you a show with my toy."

"Right here? In my car?" That damned smile grew wider and Damian knew he was golden. He'd get whatever he wanted when it came to Dick.

"Yes." He pressed Dick's hand tighter to his erection, hips starting to rock, a little sigh of pleasure leaving him as he let his head fall back against the headrest. Dick squeezed and Damian pressed his hand harder against his length, his hips stilling, just enjoying the pressure. 

"How long do you think you'd last? Just my hand on you like this?"

Damian didn't miss how much desire there was in Dick's words, how laden they were as they left his tongue. He gave a little moan, flexing his cock up against Grayson's palm and then settling back, holding his hand there as he did. "How about... we find out?"

Dick moved his hand then, rubbing over Damian's length, down to his sac and back up, as much of his hand as he could over Damian, his fingertips lightly cupping his sac, his palm and wrist pressing against his cock. 

They remained like that for the longest time, Dick moving his thumb every once in a while, sometimes giving Damian a good long press of his palm as he dragged it up and then back down his length. But for the most part, he remained still.

Damian kept his cool until they were almost all the way to Dick's apartment, his cock feeling harder than it had since the night they'd first had sex. Every glance at his reflection in the glass told him he was becoming more and more aroused. He knew he was swelling even more against Dick's hand, could feel the precum start to seep from the tip of his cock, the fire start to burn in his thighs.

It took everything he had not to rut up against Grayson's palm, to stay still even when he felt like he was going to cum at any second. He let out a little whine and Dick's hand was gone, leaving him feeling barren, his absence making his thighs tremble.

" _Grayson_ ," it came out as more of a plea than anything else. 

"You waited too long, beautiful." Dick flashed him a smile as he turned into his parking garage. "Now you're just gonna have to fuck me." He clicked his tongue. "Such a _hard_ job."

Normally Damian would have groaned over such a horrid pun, but the truth was, all he could do was _moan_. His hips arched and his cock strained. One glance told him he was already leaking through his pants, the slick patch of precum at the head of his cock so very telling.

Dick pulled into his parking space and cut the engine. Reaching over the back seat, he pulled Damian's bag with him and got out of the car.

Damian sat there for a moment, just trying not to cum in his pants, his cock flexing so hard he was certain the moment he got the friction of walking he was going to lose it. 

It was only Dick coming around and opening his door that forced him to unfasten his seat belt and move. His steps were agonizing, every movement of the material of his briefs rubbing against him leaving him wanting to clutch at himself. He made it to the elevator and inside, leaned against the railing and didn't bother to stop himself from panting as the door closed behind Dick. Dick selected his floor and Damian clutched the bar, hoping against hope he wasn't going to lose it right here. 

He could see Dick's reflection in the metal doors, see the poorly hidden grin and he knew _this_ Dick Grayson a bit too well: the man that loved to goad him at any given chance. Just for that look, he steeled himself, swore he wouldn't lose it until he was where he wanted to be.

The walk down the hallway was agonizingly long, the trail from the apartment door to the bedroom even worse. Damian left pieces of his clothing in a trail behind him. His jacket and shoes somewhere near the door, socks and t-shirt halfway through the living room. His pants were gone the instant he hit Dick's bedroom, his hand clutching his precious cargo from his pocket. 

Dick appeared in the bedroom door, Damian's bag slung over his shoulder. He stepped in, nudging the door closed with one bare foot, and gently placed Damian's bag on the floor beside the bed, crouching down. "May I?" He gestured at the bag and Damian managed a tight nod, settling on his knees on the bed, legs tucked under him as he rested his butt on his feet. 

Unzipping Damian's bag, Dick nudged around in it until he came up with the bag with Damian's toy. He fished it out and carefully removed it and the lube from the bag, popping the top and drizzling some of the liquid into the opening of the toy. 

Dick settled on the bed and motioned Damian closer. 

After a few seconds, Damian moved to him, his hand on his shoulder, barely restraining himself from digging his fingers in. 

Dick reached for him, trailed one finger along the bulge of his cock and then hooked it in the elastic of his briefs, gently pulling them down under his sac. "I've wanted something for a while... do you think maybe-"

" _Anything_ ," Damian managed, his fingers pushing harder than he meant to, his cock twitching at the ghost of Grayson's touch.

Dick hummed softly, shifted back until his knees were firmly against the edge of the bed, and then patted his lap. "Straddle me."

Damian's heart beat faster as his mind caught up with his body, realized he'd just promised Dick _anything_ while he honestly hadn't meant it. There was _one_ thing he didn't think he could ever do. Nerves frizzled through him, leaving his skin feeling like it was buzzing, his head feeling light.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to." Dick's voice cut through it all and Damian focused on him, studied him with wide eyes. After a few moments had passed, he gathered himself up and settled astride Dick's thighs, knew he was being silly. Dick _knew_ how Damian felt about that, he'd said it a dozen times on the forum before he'd known who Dick was, had managed to tell him once since they'd been together. Whatever this was, it wasn't about that.

Dick curled one arm around him and Damian felt like it was protective more than anything else. Their lips met for the briefest moment and then Dick was murmuring against them, "Are you sure about this? Sort of looked like you were reconsidering there for a minute..."

Damian shifted on his lap, settling his butt more firmly against Grayson's thighs, feeling safer like that. He let his mouth drift down over his jaw, teeth light scraping before he hooked one arm around his shoulders. "Want you."

"Okay." The warmth of Dick's kiss came against his cheek and then he was moving the toy down between them, sliding it over Damian's cock with a wet little sound, making Damian whine. 

It felt _so_ good. The wet warmth like heaven around his aching length. His hips rocked up into it and he groaned, unable to stop the movement now that he was doing it. He kept it steady, set to slow burn instead of the desperation he'd felt a few minutes before. His balls still felt tight against him and he knew he was hovering just outside of his orgasm, waiting to get a bit too excited, thrust a bit too quickly, and then he'd be done for. But for the moment, it was just enjoyable, rocking up into the toy he wasn't holding, Dick's body against him, and he let out another breathy moan, burying his face against Dick's neck as he started a steady pace, thrusting up into the toy again and again.

Dick's lips pressed against his hair, remained there as Damian found his pleasure. Damian could feel the strain in his muscles, the way he was trying not to want anything for himself while this was happening, and he knew that too was planned. After all, Dick always enjoyed torturing himself, drawing it out until he was dying to cum, just like he'd done to Damian on the car ride here. 

Excitement over the prospect of Dick having wanted this slid through him, coiled warm in his belly, and he finally spoke, his voice wavering with each thrust up into the toy. "How long... have you - ah - wanted this?"

He felt the warmth of Dick's breath in his hair, the whisper of his words achingly quiet. "Since I gave you this."

Damian's toes curled. He moved to grasp Dick's shoulders, resituated himself, and started to truly thrust into the toy, pulling almost all the way out before plunging back in, the lewd sound of it exciting him until he was tingling. His breath caught and he knew he was going to cum no matter what he did. He thrust faster, more forcefully, into the toy, let himself really and truly think about how he was exciting Grayson, and then he was cumming, his sac tight against him, the strain of it incredible. The first spurt of cum was like heaven and he didn't stop himself from letting out something that more closely resembled a sob than a moan. His hips kept working, kept fucking his cock into the toy as he released, until he was shoved in as far as he could go, grunting with the effort of every jerky movement.

Finally, he stilled, letting out a pleased little groan, and Dick was sliding the toy off of him, carefully keeping it tipped upright. His other hand fumbled with his belt, kept failing until he actually _whined_ and Damian instantly reached down to help him. Dick sat there under Damian's gaze, his pupils blown with desire, his cheeks flushed, and when Damian got his cock free, it was already slicked around the head. 

Damian sat back, holding Dick's boxers down, watching him, wondering what he would do. 

Dick shifted Damian's toy over his cock, tipped it and let some of Damian's cum drip down onto him. "I want to use it..." There was a question in there somewhere and while it took Damian a second to realize it, when he did, he breathed out, "God yes," with absolutely no hesitation in him over such a thing.

The toy made a slick sound as Dick pushed it down onto his cock, pushed until he had it snug against the base of his cock, and then he was leaning back on one hand, his hips starting to rock up against it.

Something shifted inside Damian's mind and he _understood_ almost instantly. This was Dick's way of dealing with the desires he had that he couldn't fulfill with Damian, how he could live out that fantasy without doing anything Damian didn't want. Immediately Damian moved, leaning over Dick, his legs pressing against Dick's thighs as he curled his hand around the toy, moved Dick's hand out of the way and then shifted until he had it about right to allow the fantasy to take a good grip if Dick let it.

Dick kept both hands on the bed, kept barely thrusting up into it, little choked off noises leaving him until Damian felt almost desperate to give Dick the ability to just let go. 

He pressed Dick down, one hand on his chest, and moved again, putting the toy as close to the real place as he could and then pressed one hand to Dick's chest, the other holding the toy where it was. He shifted up, bringing the toy with him and then pushed back down, lowering it around Dick's cock with the action. Their eyes met and Dick looked almost _scared_ for a moment until Damian offered up the tiniest of smiles.

"Come on... fuck it. I know you want to."

At that, Dick looked relieved, his head falling back and then his hands were on Damian's hips and he was bucking his hips, thrusting up desperately into the toy, the slick sound of it exciting Damian.

He watched the pure pleasure come over Dick's face and he started to help him, moving just the slightest until Dick was clutching at him, his thrusts frantic, his every breath coming as a rough pant, and then he was moaning, his hips jerking, and Damian _knew_ he was cumming. 

Damian settled on his lap, held the toy around him until he was certain Dick was done. Only then did he pull it off of him, carefully settle it on the dresser, upright so nothing would leak, and then got himself out of his underwear, wiping first himself and then Grayson off before tossing them aside, settling back astride him, making sure his still hard cock was pressed right up against Grayson's softening length. He rested against him, smiled at the hand that came to roam over his back. 

"Thank you."

Damian turned his head, pressed a kiss to Grayson's chest. "Anytime." He hesitated and then quietly tacked on what was nagging at him. "Does it bother you? Not taking me?"

"No." Dick's hand pressed a bit tighter against him. "Not at all. I respect you and respect what you do and do not want. I would ne-"

Damian shifted up, pinned him with a gaze that cut him off as he shook his head. "I know you wouldn't. My hesitation to get too close to it... it is irrational and I am well aware of that. But _this_ ," he ran his hand down Grayson's chest, offered him the most sincere look he could, "I can do this when you want it."

"Damian," Dick's voice came out pleading and Damian knew he was about to be told he didn't have to, held his breath and waited on it. "You don't ever have to do anything for me. You know that, right?"

Damian bit his tongue for a moment before huffing out a breath. "Are you unaware of how hard I am or are you simply being stubborn? Knowing what you want, I would not hesitate to do this again. I enjoyed watching you lose control, knowing it was me holding it for you... even knowing what you were imagining." He moved then, giving his hips a light rock against Dick's own. 

An idea formed in his mind and he couldn't help but give Dick an embarrassed sort of smile as he offered it. "Whenever you want this, just hand me the sleeve and tell me you want me. I'll take care of the rest of it, make it as real for you as I am comfortable with, and you can stop worrying about it. Okay?"

Dick's hips rolled against his own and Damian knew the moan Dick gave wasn't for that. "Yeah... okay."

Damian shifted just enough to hook his feet under Dick's legs, used it as leverage as he started to thrust against him, pleasure quickly igniting in his veins. 

It didn't take long before Dick's bed springs were protesting, before they were both panting, Damian's precum slicking them just enough to make it exciting on a whole new level. 

The urge to say something dirty gripped Damian and he ducked his head, letting himself do it, barely whispering out, "So _slick_. I could do this every single day. Could do this while we are playing a game."

Dick let out a breathy chuckle. "How are you gonna see the screen, hmm?"

"Strategic mirror - ah - placement!" Damian didn't mean to sound so excited, but talking while he was thrusting was ramping him up faster than he'd expected, and it wasn't but a few more seconds before he was full on thrusting against Dick, straining over him as if he were fucking him. 

Dick's hands held his hips tightly and Damian felt him start to get a bit jerky in his movements, knew he was just as excited, and he picked up the pace a bit more, gasping out, "Grayson! I'm going to _cum_!"

"Holy _shit_ ," Dick's breathless gasp heralded the arrival of _his_ orgasm, his cock starting to throb against Damian's own. The warmth of his cum spreading down around them was enough to drive Damian out of his mind. His thighs gripped tight and his hips jerked harshly as he strained for his end, a strangled cry leaving him as he started to spurt. His hips canted forward harshly and he watched as he splashed cum all the way up onto Dick's chest, saw Dick's cock nestled against his sac he'd moved so far forward, and he let the pleasant aftershocks consume him, let Dick hold him and roll them onto their sides.

He lay there panting, a stupid little grin on his lips, and he knew exactly what the best decision of his entire life had been. 

_Dick Grayson_.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sk0Yj2JxKdk

Damian startled awake, his heart giving a feeble little jolt as he sucked in a breath. For a moment, he couldn't figure out what woke him, but then his cock gave a rather intense throb and he _whined_ , his hips jerking upward. When nothing provided any friction or relief Damian dropped his hand down to his thigh, dragged it upwards to his bare hip. 

Daylight still streamed in from the window across the room and he knew it had only been a few hours at most since he'd drifted off after everything with Grayson. 

Turning his head, he found Dick laying on his side, lower lip caught between his teeth, looking just a little sleep-mussed but gorgeous as ever. Damian's hips rocked again and Dick gave a low chuckle. "Want a little help there, beautiful?"

Swallowing thickly, Damian strained upward, his cock flexing away from his abdomen, his thighs trembling as he tried to bring on his orgasm without actually touching. Another whine left him as he flopped back down.

"Yes, _please_."

Dick's arm snagged him around his middle, tugged him over and tucked him against his body. His hand ghosted over his abdominal muscles, down over his hip, and then back up to his groin. He almost seemed to massage him for a minute, the feeling of it intensely relaxing to his strained muscles. Dick's hand curled around his cock and Damian's hips jerked again, a sharp gasp of air rushing into his lungs.

"So sensitive..." Dick leaned down over him, kissed along his pectorals and then a bit lower, letting his mouth rest there as he started to firmly stroke. "Let yourself cum, you need it so bad, don't you?"

Damian's hand found Dick's hair, clutched at it as he trembled under the touch, still half sleep fogged and definitely about to tip over the edge into his orgasm. His body gave a few more strained jerks of his hips and then he was crying out, louder than he ever had with Dick, almost shouting as he started to cum. He could feel every single throb, was sensitive enough he swore he felt the cum as it pulsed out of him. 

He trembled all the way down to his toes, gasped out a weak little, " _Y-yes_ ," and then gasped for air as Dick slowed down to a stop, finally just resting his hand there, cupping his rapidly softening length and his sac. 

"I adore how incredibly sexual you are." Dick's lips ghosted over his nipple, stopping to gently run his tongue over it before pressing another kiss to it. 

Dick pulled back, offering Damian a bright smile. "Go take a piss and when you come back, I want to _ride you_."

Damian almost choked he inhaled so quickly and then he was scrambling to get out of bed. A few staggered steps and he found his footing, made his way to the restroom as quickly as he could. 

He gave himself a quick wipe down with a washcloth from Dick's cabinet, rinsing it and setting it aside for later. Shuffling to the toilet, he flipped up the lid and seat and leaned over it, one hand on the wall. Yawning widely, he started to pee, giving a little gasp at how good it always felt right after he'd cum. 

After what felt like an eternity, he finished, gave himself a little shake and closed the lid, flushing and washing his hands again. 

He made his way back into the bedroom and knelt down beside the bed, intent to get his condoms out, but Dick held out his packet from earlier. "Found it in the sheets."

Flushing a little, Damian took the package and slid it open, finding the lube already gone. He finally let his eyes fall on where Dick's lower half was covered up, gave him what he knew was a predatory look, and then reached for the covers, dragging them back. 

Dick's other hand was down between his legs, two fingers buried in his ass, and Damian just stared at him, marveled at the feeling of his dick getting hard so rapidly. 

Damian let go of the covers and crawled up onto the bed, laying down beside Dick and busying himself with opening the condom package. Once he had it on, Dick passed him the lubricant, just the smallest amount left in the tube, and Damian upended it, letting it drizzle down on his cock. 

"Relax."

Doing as he was asked, Damian settled amongst Dick's pillows, watched as Dick straddled his hips and reached down to grasp his cock, holding it steady. His hands went to Dick's thighs, lightly rubbing them as he eased himself down until he was nudging the head of Damian's erection against his ass. Dick's head fell back and Damian watched the way his muscles moved as he situated himself, groaning as Dick started to sink down on his cock. 

The moment Dick was settled on him, Damian spread his legs a bit more, pushed up against him, and just reveled in the sensation of being inside Grayson's warm body. His cock throbbed and he almost wanted to laugh at himself, so fresh off his last orgasm yet so incredibly turned on already. His belly quivered and he gave a lazy roll of his hips, sighing in pleasure as he pulled out and then pushed back into Grayson. 

He let his hands slid up over Grayson's torso, exploring him until he just let his arms fall over his own head, fingers curling in the soft pillows as he rolled his hips again. Their eyes met and Damian just let his first thought fall right off his tongue. "Make it feel good for you."

Dick's bright grin was more than enough to leave Damian's heart racing. He moved, situating himself a bit differently over Damian, one hand on his chest, the other wrapped around his own cock, just holding himself as he started to move.

He started off slow, pulling up and then pushing back down on Damian's cock at a pace that was like agony. But, after a few minutes, he was hunched over him, stroking his cock quickly, almost fully pulled off of Damian's cock, fucking himself on just the head of it in fast little snaps of his hips. 

Damian clutched the pillows tightly, feeling himself grow rapidly more aroused just watching Grayson fuck himself on his cock. It took great effort not to move, to just let Dick please himself, but he found it well worth it. 

Dick pushed down further on his cock and nearly seized up, his hand on Damian's chest balling into a fist as he grunted, did it again, and then he was almost violently jerking himself against Damian, not moving on his cock at all, just keeping it where it was, rocking against it roughly. 

Dick grabbed Damian's hand and pushed it down over the head of his cock and then he was letting out a strained shout, cum seeming to endlessly stream from him for a few seconds before he all but deflated over Damian, shaking and panting. 

He gave a little sob and Damian instantly rolled them over, pulled himself out and cradled Grayson under him, clean hand brushing stray hair back from his forehead. "Grayson?"

Reaching up, Dick weakly cupped Damian's cheek, let out a tiny laugh. "Feel... _so good_."

Relief flooded through Damian as he leaned down, pressing a chaste kiss to Dick's lips before he started to pull away enough to get his condom off. But Dick grabbed his wrist, pulling it away from his mission, shaking his head. "Please... cum for me. I liked it when you did before. While you're in me."

With a shiver, Damian shifted back between Dick's legs, carefully eased himself back inside of him with a groan of intense pleasure. Everything in him surged with desire and he wanted nothing more than to pound into Dick until he found his end. Uncertainty as to Dick's current state held him back, left him barely moving his hips, trying to ramp himself up that way, until Dick's hand rubbed up and down his arm. 

"I know this isn't what you want to do. C'mon... do it for me. Take what you want like I just took what I wanted from you."

That set Damian off like nothing else ever had. Instantly he was surging over Dick, his mind clouding with the desire to cum and nothing else. His thighs spread for leverage and soon he was straining over Dick, hips snapping roughly against him, the sound of their union _lewd_ and delicious to his ears. He let himself get higher on the slick sound of his cock pushing into Grayson's body, of knowing he was _fucking_ , and when he started to tremble, he didn't fight it.

His hips started jerking and he lost all rhythm, fell into a mindless oblivion where only his cock and Grayson's ass existed, and then he was cumming so hard he forgot to breathe. Every spurt of cum was like an earthquake to him, every throb of his cock earth-shattering, until he was collapsing over Dick, gasping for the air he'd forgotten to be breathing.

Dick held onto him, rubbed soothing circles against his back, and pressed chaste kisses over the bridge of his nose and his cheeks. 

"Look at you. You came _so hard_ for me."

Damian moved, pressing his forehead to Dick's chest as he weakly moved to pull out and tug the condom off, barely making his fingers work to get it tied off. He couldn't respond, couldn’t even make himself formulate the words in order to speak. Everything felt hazy and amazing, and finally, he managed a broken little moan, earning Dick's chuckle.

"Dear God, you fucked your brains out." 

Damian nodded and Dick helped him settle back into the pillows, curling up beside him, one hand on his chest, their legs entwined. 

"Rest for a few... I'll wake you up in about twenty and then we can actually game instead of _just_ having sex all day."

Damian managed a strangled laugh, his eyelids already drifting shut, everything in him screaming he'd used up all the energy he had. It wasn't even a minute before he was falling into sleep's gentle embrace.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: ["Papi" ft. Nicole Scherzinger by Todrick Hall](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CXwms8Z-aY)

Damian still wasn't sure how he'd managed to insinuate _exactly_ what he wanted to Dick over the phone, but watching Dick move around his room, he'd clearly managed.

Dick was dressed in Damian's favorite dress shirt: a red silken number with pearly black buttons, the most subtle paisley pattern he'd ever seen woven into the fabric. His pants were _tight_. There was no better word for them. It was bordering on obscene, the way they cupped his ass, how tightly they gripped Grayson's toned thighs, the fabric moving with him in a way that told Damian they'd been made for him. The very specific silver belt Damian had asked for graced Dick's hips, the thin strip of leather making Damian bite his lip in pleasure just looking at it.

He'd requested Dick be barefoot for this, something about it leaving Damian's breath a little short. It had taken a bit of guts, but he'd also asked that Dick be open to Damian's every whim. Of course, he'd given him a solid out, something they'd discussed over the phone at great length, but Damian doubted anything he had in mind would make such a thing necessary.

Now, he sat in the armchair he'd borrowed from the study, his excuse for moving furniture through the house being his desire to sit on something besides the bed while he was playing games with Dick. 

Dick plugged in his phone, settling it on the edge of Damian's stereo system and then, glancing toward Damian, waited until Damian gave him a single nod. Tucking his phone somewhere behind him in the cushion of the chair, he crossed his legs delicately, one knee over the other, his own dress shoes gleaming in the flickering candlelight Dick had set up. His hands moved to rest on the arms of the chair, fingers curling over the edge, his gaze landing on Dick and remaining there.

The music started and Dick stepped away from the stereo, moving to stand in the middle of the open floor. Damian watched as Dick began to move, his movements easily falling into line with the beat. Honestly, he was a natural at this, nothing in his entire demeanor anything but at ease. Even with the somewhat jerky rise and fall of the music, he remained competent, steady, and Damian knew he could have thrown a complete curve ball at Dick and he would have caught it without hesitation.

Dick's hands slid into his back pockets and reappeared, little strands of metal beads wrapped around his hands and wrists, the sultry sound filling the room underneath the music as he moved.

Some part of Damian had wondered how he'd feel watching Dick do this _for him_. Sure, he'd seen the security tape of Dick going under cover at the tender age of nineteen in some joint in downtown Gotham, had watched him grace a stage show with his presence. Naturally, Bruce had never let him get _too far_ , taking down the criminal element they were after before Dick could remove more than a single piece of his clothing, but some part of Damian had sincerely thought he'd never make it through the whole thing. 

Sitting here, watching Dick move, he felt nothing short of mesmerized. It was as if he held some sway over his audience, something that encouraged them to remain seated, their eyes and minds engaged, their libido on hold, and Damian _respected that_ more than he'd thought he would.

Dick let the metal beads fall to the floor, slowly unwinding from his hands to pool at his feet, and then he stepped past them, footsteps sensuous, his hips the perfect coercion of masculinity and femininity. It bridged that gap that Damian had watched him do so many times in his more art-driven videos, walked along the very path of androgyny.

Dick's hands slid up his sides, crossed and came back down his front, coming in to his belt, slowly unfastening it, parting it and taking a half step towards Damian, two back and then he was snapping it from his pants. Damian gasped at what could have been it cracking against the floor if it wasn't for his rug. 

He watched Dick coil it up around his fist, watched as he moved in an easy circle, coming down into a crouch, one leg extended, his hands coming to rest in the plush rug, the belt slowly unwinding around his fist until he left it there, drawing his leg back in and slowly rising up again, his hips slowly swaying to the words in the music, a little smile on his lips as their eyes met briefly, and Damian knew he'd done _that_ move on purpose.

Dick's hands came up, tugged at his shirt and Damian was caught by the _expressiveness_ of his face as he utterly distracted Damian with it. By the time another verse had passed them by, Dick's shirt was open and Damian had been completely caught up in his features rather than the clothing he was removing. He watched the shirt slide down Dick's arms, the red silk gliding down until it, too, pooled at his feet. 

A few rushing steps and then Dick was on his knees in front of Damian, his head tipped back, clearly panting for nothing but the art of it, his chest rising and falling in a way that told Damian he was being intentionally distracted again.

This time, he allowed a little smirk to come over his lips, his gaze traveling downward, finding Dick carefully unfastening his pants, his hands sliding over the planes of his muscles, dipping down under his waistband and then pushing them down until he was _almost_ showing Damian the world.

Slowly Dick came forward, onto his hands and knees, moving closer... closer... until he had his hands on Damian's chair, his eyes glittering as he stared up at him, pleasure dancing in his gaze, the music ending, Dick mouthing the last few words of it.

Damian let out a throaty little growl, slowly parting his thighs, taking note that Dick didn't hesitate to move between them. While Damian hadn't ever really held interest in what he was about to request, he knew _Dick did_ and he understood how the pleasure of his lover would become his own pleasure _so easily_.

Reaching down, he pushed his hand through Dick's hair, brought it down along his jaw and then down to his chin, holding him captive there for a moment, using only this thumb and forefinger.

"Such a performance. Perhaps," he gave a significant pause, watching the tension ramp up in Dick, allowing himself to feel _empowered_ by it. Only then did he continue, "you should put such skill to test in _another_ way."

Dick almost surged forward, Damian catching him with a low warning sound, his hand snagging him by the hair and slowly easing him back down.

"With your _mouth_ , my love."

He searched Dick's gaze, saw how his pupils had blown out almost instantly, the blatant _want_ that shown there. 

Sitting back, Damian slowly unfastened his own belt - a simple black leather affair - and unfastened his slacks, sliding them down to expose himself. To some degree, he surprised himself with how hard he was, hadn't truly noticed it with how concerned he'd been with what Dick had been doing. He didn't show a bit of it on his face though, knew his features were like _iron_ and he knew what it was doing to Dick. 

His hands splayed along his thighs as he sighed, acted disinterested. "Proceed."

Dick was on him in a second - faster than Damian had actually expected - and he struggled with keeping his face utterly passive with all that wet heat around his cock. He pointedly didn't look down, instead moved his hands to the armrests, kept his fingers relaxed even as his toes curled in his shoes. 

Some part of him was faintly shocked at how much he was enjoying this, even as the other part of him was trying to shrug it off, telling him he'd rather be giving it than receiving it. But one glance down at Dick, at how his eyelids were hooded, how red his lips were wrapped around Damian, and just the utter perfection that was lust written across his entire demeanor left Damian feeling like he'd made all the right decisions here. 

Damian sighed, looking away and abruptly grabbing Dick's hair, his hand snatching him up and away from him and then he was leaning forward, growling out, " _Pathetic_." He saw the war in Grayson's eyes, the knowledge that this wasn't true and his _victory_ for it warring with the part of him that had _asked_ Damian for that single word to be used. 

For one second, Damian felt like the most powerful being on the planet. His lips curled up in a cruel snarl and he shoved Dick backwards onto the rug, not using anything like enough force to harm him. Dick rolled with it and Damian knew he was perfectly fine, moved on like he hadn't even _thought of that_.

His fingers slid alongside his thigh, pulling the condom free of the crease of the chair, opening the package without a moment's hesitation, rolling it down over his length and then sitting back, looking decidedly bored. " _Prove your worth_."

Dick was there less than a heartbeat later and Damian marveled internally about how _quick_ he was on his feet, even here. 

He turned his back on Damian, tugging his pants down under the swell of his ass, the tight fabric clinging to him, and then he was using Damian's thighs to lead himself back until he was pushing down on Damian's cock without so much as a single second of preparation. _This _had been Damian's request. The desire to take him and _think_ he hadn't been eased into it. Of course that was as much of an illusion as the rest of this was, but Damian's mind allowed him to revel in it as Dick slid down around him, engulfing him in his slick heat. __

__Dick was utterly silent as he moved his hips, arching his back and doing his best to fuck himself on Damian's cock in this awkward position. Really, Damian was proud of him. It wasn't like it was _easy_ the way he'd chosen and he knew he'd done it on purpose, to hide himself away, to let Damian feel like he held a little more power over him. _ _

__Damian let Dick keep going until he was yearning for something he wasn't getting. Only then did he surge up, pushing Dick away and then snatching him back, shoving him at the chair._ _

__There was an instant Damian wasn't sure Dick was going to roll with that and then Dick was clamoring up on the chair, spreading his legs and perking his ass up, _whining_ for Damian and there wasn't a single thing in the world short of criminal intrusion directly into his room that would have stopped Damian from claiming what was _his_._ _

__He yanked Dick back on his cock almost brutally, a rough groan leaving him as he sank into him. Half a shiver that he shut down and then he was shoving Dick's face against the back of the chair, pounding into him so hard their skin was slapping, his belt jingling obscenely with his every movement. He watched Dick's ass turn red from the slap of their skin, felt him start to tighten around him, and he _knew_ this was something for both of them._ _

__Damian grabbed the arms of the chair, hunched over Dick and truly let himself go, mindlessly rutting against him, total disregard for Dick for the moment. His mind was tuned to stop given one circumstance and one only._ _

__Dick started to cry out, choked little half sobs, desperate half pleas for Damian to take him harder falling from his lips. Damian's hands grabbed Dick's hips, held him tightly to him as he shoved in deep and hard a half dozen times before he was moaning, _much_ louder than he'd meant to, and then he was filling the condom between them, _knew_ Dick was feeling his cock throbbing inside of him._ _

__He gave himself a minute, pretense of still straining over him, felt Dick touching himself as discretely as possible, and then he was tightening around Damian, giving a little cry into the back of the chair, and Damian almost went cross-eyed at how damn _good_ it felt having him spasm around him like this._ _

__He pulled out when he couldn't take it anymore, taking a few stumbling steps backward, quickly disposing of the condom and crouching down to stop the world from spinning around him._ _

__Dick slid off the chair, came to kneel in front of Damian, leaned in until their lips met and Damian eased into the kiss, their official sign that things were done: so gentle and easy between them. They took their time, kissing so serenely after all that had gone on and Damian felt himself smiling into the kiss, sighing pleasantly as he eased himself down to sit, Dick hitching up his pants and straddling him, settling in his lap and hooking his arms around his shoulders._ _

__He looked so _serene_ , so at peace with himself, and Damian knew _anything_ was worth that look on his lover's face. Cupping his cheek, he leaned in again, kissed him so delicately he swore the world was ending. It could have and he wouldn't have minded this being the last thing he ever had._ _


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-dvgP3hWEg

It had been _weeks_ since Damian had so much as seen Dick. Sure, they'd talked on the phone, but with the Titans keeping Dick so far away and Damian running between his own team and Bruce, it had just been _difficult_. It had seemed like they were destined to pass in the night, so close, yet so far away as Damian would arrive back home and Dick would have left less than an hour earlier. 

All the same, it reinforced a few things for him, leaving him realizing he craved far more than Dick's body. He'd grant that while his libido was barreling forward like a damn freight train, his heart wasn't that far behind on the tracks. The once dull ache of longing to be around Grayson had blossomed into something that bordered on desperation when he couldn't have him nearby. 

It was silly, really. He was fine when Dick was in the city, a car ride away, yet the instant he was half a country away, it was too damn far and it left Damian feeling like a part of himself had been removed, taken away with Grayson's very presence. 

It made seeing him again that much sweeter though. He'd woken up to find Dick sitting at the foot of his bed, curled in amongst the shoved away sheets, half asleep but scrolling through his phone. Damian had dragged him under the covers with him, stolen his phone away, and tucked them in for a few more hours.

Now they lay there, nestled in the cocoon of blankets they'd both somehow created, Damian tucked up against Dick's chest. He'd woken up again almost half an hour ago, but there hadn't been any incentive for him to move. Dick was warm and comfortable and his arms felt _so nice_ around him. Shifting ever so slightly, he nuzzled his nose up under Dick's chin, pressing a kiss against his neck and hearing Dick's low, approving sound in return. He smiled, tucking that away against his neck as well, whispering out, " _Grayson_ ," receiving a small chuckle in return. 

Dick shifted and Damian gasped, the press of Dick's cock against him earning an instant shiver. He was _hard_ , very obviously so, and Damian couldn't help but think it had to be simply the press of an overly full bladder doing it, told himself not to read too much into it. Biting his lower lip, he closed his eyes and just rested there, waiting to see if Dick was going to get up.

Instead, Dick pushed his thigh between Damian's own, slowly shifted them until Damian was on his back. A little shuffling and they were safely in the center of the bed and Dick was squirming over him, leaving Damian clinging to Dick's waist somewhat desperately, trying to tell himself not to go from zero to sixty in under a second... and failing _miserably_.

Dick straddled him and then eased down against him and Damian's hips jerked up, earning a moan from Dick for his efforts. 

"We have to be quiet..." Dick's voice was gentle against Damian's neck. "You know who is probably still in bed." Which meant he was only a few doors away and Damian _knew_ the probability that he was actually sleeping was pretty damn slim. Bruce either slept like the dead or not at all and it was usually closer to the latter. 

Damian reached to tug Dick's pants down to mid-thigh, helping Dick do the same to his own. Not even a second later and Dick was easing down against him, the fire that was his cock settling alongside Damian's own, and then Damian was biting back a keening whine, arching his back as Dick started to _move_. 

Their hips rocked against one another, the pace slower than Damian perhaps would have set it, the pressure more than enough to make up for that. There was a pleasant press against his bladder, just enough to make his cock harder, and he rocked into that, too, letting himself surrender to Dick's tactics. 

Dick's breath ghosted over his ear, his neck, and then Dick was choking out a half-strangled, " _S-shit_ ," and his hips were jerking harder, faster, and Damian swore he'd never felt him so desperate. 

There was a drawn-out whine and then Dick was cumming, his cock throbbing against Damian's own and Damian was gasping, arching up against him, feeling the spread of his warmth between them. It was mind-blowing to him that it hadn't been him so utterly desperate to get off that he couldn't control it and he didn't stop the way he almost grinned up at the ceiling as he kept right on moving against Dick, working for his orgasm now.

The coil tightened inside him, the fire burning brighter, and then he was easing into his orgasm, sighing at the gentle pulse of it as it claimed him. It was _calm_ , achingly easy and he settled back against the bed, still spurting between them. It felt like it lasted forever, as if he wasn't going to stop cumming, but it didn't ache. Not in the slightest.

When he finally settled, Damian couldn't help but reach up to frame Grayson's face with his hands, didn't stop himself from tugging him down into the sweetest kiss they'd probably ever shared, and he didn't stop himself from barely breathing the words that told Dick he meant the world to him. 

Damian was certain, in that moment, that they'd built something to last, something deeper and _stronger_ than he'd ever thought possible, and he felt like he was on top of the world for it. 

There was no denying it... he was in love with Dick Grayson.


End file.
